Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Charges to Be Filed in Balloon Boy Case

Sherrif’s deputies dropped by the Heene house on Saturday and carried away several boxes and a computer— by hand, not in a balloon.

You all know the story by now: Falcon Heene’s brother, Three Wolves One Moon Heene, supposedly told his parents that Falcon had climbed inside a bag of giant floating jiffy pop. His parents called the cops, which led to a three hour chase involving lots of police, several news helicopters, and the national guard. When the balloon came down,  everyone expected to find a little boy waiting inside like a crappy temporary tattoo in a box of crackerjacks. But there was nothing, because Falcon had been hiding in the attic over his garage the entire time.

Maybe it was the way the kid stood there looking shocked and bored rather than guilty after he was “recovered”. Maybe it was the fact that the hole he was hiding in looked impossible for a 6 year old to climb into unassisted. Maybe it was the overt, forced emotion on the part of the parents, or the dad’s haircut that just screams “Don’t believe a single fucking word I say,” but, I’m not surprised that charges have been filed.

Sheriff Jim Alderden – who won’t say who would be charged – told reporters: “We were looking at Class 3 misdemeanor, which hardly seems serious enough given the circumstances. We are talking to the district attorney, federal officials to see if perhaps there aren’t additional federal charges that are appropriate in this circumstance.”

Asked if it was hoax, Alderden said, “We have made progress and you guys can read between the lines about what we found.”

The recommended charges would include conspiracy, contributing to the delinquency of a minor, and false reporting to authorities.

And it turns out the cops weren’t just being gullible– smart people who are good with math worked it out and confirmed that the device would have been capable of supporting the kid’s weight.

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  • Just another reality segment where child abuse seems to be the form of “entertainment”. Another disgusting incident occurred when Meredith Viera continued interviewing the family on National T.V. while Falcon was throwing up. WTF??? Meredith for heaven’s sake stop! Stop the interview like Diane Sawyer did on her show when Falcon did the same thing. What are we telling our children? That it is o.k. for them to be abused as long as we adults are “entertained” or “enlightened”? Good grief … we need Charlie Brown values back when children were protected and loved.

  • The Heene’s fatal flaw in this ruse appears to have been an unwillingness to actually sacrifice one of the boys. There never was to be a truly compelling “Balloon Boy” story without a boy in a balloon.
    A lack of sound thinking may have been a close second fatal flaw.
    The family did have a solid — albeit brief — run of good will & good publicity, highlighted by Chief Wiggum declaring the parents innocent and all but giving them a key to the city.

  • Our nation is at war and this is what gets the news coverage. If this father wanted free publicity, how well the media has been manipulated by him – he has had his success.

    If it was a child’s prank, or a misunderstanding, then again, why waste valuable “air” (no pun intended) time on this?

    We just keep fiddling while Rome burns, or given the melting ice caps and glaciers, drowns.

    • Agreed. Shit like this is just what the OBOMBa administration wants, as they realize that we’re easily distracted and won’t pay attention to the serious issues, like our troops dying while we sit back and deny them backup to make them safe. I wish Rahm and all the rest of the shit for brains in D.C. had been on that balloon instead. Pussies.

      • Great to see you guys policing the gossip blogs, making sure that America stays focused.
        Bin Laden obviously planted this story to shroud his intentions in Kabul.
        Valuable air time? Are you not upset that a new ‘90210’ is on the air? That’s one hour each week that’s not going to war coverage, but to crappy TV programming, instead.
        Let’s get a copy of TV guide and systematically weed out shows that need to go to in order to make more room for news/war coverage.

  • This family was on Wife Swap. If authorities would’ve seen that episode there is no way they would’ve believed any of it.

  • What a waste of time and resources authorities spent searching for that little boy. I hope that goofy father has to pony up the money spent on the search-and does some jail time.

  • Wow… i just heard about this like right now…… why would a family lie about something like this? O.O