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What the fuck is that supposed to be, Emmy? An imaginary wedding dress? Hey, that’s kind of inappropriate, seeing as how you just ended your secret marriage. And you’re only 23. That’s sad. And you’re already out and about attending stupid ballet events with MY FUTURE HUSBAND. Grrrr. I am very, very upset about this. We are ENEMIES now, Emmy. You are Emmy the Enemy. You are my emmy-me. You are my n-emmy-sis. You are my adversar-emmy. I DON’T FUCKING LIKE YOU. GET AWAY FROM MY BOYFRIEND YOU BITCH.

October 8, 2009 at 11:18 pm by Evil Beet


  1. ac says:

    Team beat down? Lets! Any AD stealerer is numero uno enemy for me too.

  2. GreyEyes says:

    Lol you crazy girl.

  3. humorless. says:

    She looks gorgeous! Love the dress :) Him… not that much.

  4. Klipper says:

    She’s way too cute for that goofy looking bastard. He seriously looks like a homeless guy that’s walking around in a tuxedo just to fuck with people’s minds.

  5. seattlelauren says:

    Oh, Beet, I feel your pain. She’ll never appreciate the depths of his suffering soul. What a waste!

  6. meohmy says:

    Beet no idea why you like this goofy looking guy but I his his twin Sideshow Bob from the Simpson’s is available

  7. Lee says:

    Good Lord Beet, what do you want with him? Someone pooped on his head.

  8. Jenn says:

    Beet, I will forever and always love your writing style more than anyone else on this site… But I don’t see what you see in him. Oh well.

  9. momster says:

    Wow. He ought to move on from that hairstyle at this point. She looks lovely, but I cannot remember why we know her?

  10. daniwho says:

    Meh. He’s not a very good imaginary husband. I’ve imagined better. You can too.

  11. MissPinkKate says:

    This just adds weight to the theory that she’s not really 23.

  12. memememememe says:

    It is unbelieveable to me how this guy gets hot girl after hot girl.
    They must date him so people think they are not shallow.
    BEET- Are you crazy?? Pls go find some hottie to obsess about. He isnt even loge at the theatre, he is SRO.
    Didnt he date Jennifer A as well. UGH..
    oh and..
    “She’ll never appreciate the depths of his suffering soul” Pls.. his suffering soul. he’s no Jim Morrison for gd sakes.. (Or Kut Cobain) They were suffering souls.

  13. mememememememe says:

    Kurt :-) Typo. Sowwy..

    My eyes still have not stopped bleeding, staring at the picture for mere seconds!

  14. nomen cognomen says:

    His dreads must smell so bad….

  15. Anonymous says:

    WTF??? oh well, I hated her before this anyway….That bitch!!

  16. Staci says:

    I am going to pretend you have your beer goggles on Beet….That guy is so unnattractive, he makes me want to vomit……….AFTER I shave his head of course. Ewwwww!!

  17. Laurie says:

    She can have him! That way it leaves another hot guy our age for the rest of us!

    He is gross and those Harry Potter glasses look bad on him.

  18. shannonhumphreys says:

    Love you beet, but Adam Duritz is SO gross.

  19. Sass says:

    He looks like he needs a bath.

    Probably smells like Patchouli and dirty butt.

  20. Janem says:

    LOL Beet I was going to laugh at you, but that tag? Hilarious. Oh, and by the way, just because the dress is white-ish and awesome doesn’t make it a wedding dress and if you have to strangle her, do it because you want to steal the dress. And then give it to me. I love it.

  21. AshleyStorm says:

    I can totally dig the Adam love.

    Just listen to his albums, in detail … I can guarantee some of you will change your opinion of him.

  22. LilDi says:

    This guy is just so, so gross to me. Even if he lost the dreads and shaved I still think he would be disgusting. And I hate his music.

  23. CrabtownUSA says:

    Really Beet? Adam Duritz—so 90′s. Counting Crows–not much of band with staying power wouldn’t you say? So were is the talent?

    Such a manwhore. Head looks like a mop. Actually he looks more like the infamous Nick Nolte mugshot. WAAAAAY past his prime. Let’s grow up and move on to real men? Hmmm.

  24. keevy06 says:

    ok. This was absofuckinglutely hilarious.

  25. kb says:


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