Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Marge Simpson to Bare All for Playboy

Marge Simpson to Pose for Playboy

Nothing in this world is sacred. Marge Simpson will be appearing — naked — on the cover of Playboy in November, ostensibly because they need something equally two-dimensional to compete with Levi Johston in Playgirl. I kid, I kid. It’s to celebrate the 20th anniversary of the Simpsons, which makes me feel very old, because I remember, as a child, snubbing my nose at everyone and declaring “Don’t have a cow, man,” and sometimes I still get the urge to say it, even though Bart Simpson doesn’t even say it any more. Like when my best friend’s yelling at me because I forgot her birthday, or my boss is calling me into his office because traffic’s down, or some dude is running around my bedroom cussing because the condom broke, I just want to be like, “Sheesh, don’t have a cow, dude.” And then I remember that, at 27 years old, it is not appropriate to say that. So instead I’m like “I swear I left you a voicemail!” or “I’ll research Google’s algorithm changes!” or “I’ll totally go on the Pill tomorrow!”

What was my point here? Oh, yeah, Marge is going whole-hog naked for Playboy. She’ll have a three-page spread and data sheet in the magazine. But, don’t worry, the issue will also have an actual human Playmate inside, so that young women everywhere will have a normal female body to use as a role model. Wouldn’t want them getting insecure with Marge’s perfect cartoon curves.

Anyway. I don’t know why, but I made a poll. I think it’s funny. You can take it if you want.

[poll id=”2″]

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