Lily Allen, it hurts me to hurt you, but what the hell are you doing with your eyes in these photos?

The singer went to a London market to stock up on sandwich supplies, water, cherries and kettle chips, but while she was there it seemed like she could barely keep her eyes in her head. Perhaps her bare face coupled with the harsh grocery store lighting is playing camera tricks on us, or maybe she’s just as facinated by her fellow shopper’s purchases as I am when I hit up the store, but homegirl looks ridiculous in these shots.

Katherine Heigl is probably my least favorite celebrity ever, so if I even bothered to watch Grey’s Anatomy I would be thrilled by the news that she’s taking a leave of absence from the show to go film a movie that I also won’t watch, Life as We Know It. The show has a large cast, so for Heigl to dip out for five-or-so episodes (no one’s sure yet exactly how long the filming will take) won’t cripple production, but her interest level in staying on the show in the long run is confirmed by the fact that she doesn’t mind picking up and leaving her cast mates to go make what will undoubtedly be a shitty RomCom.

And, just to break the writers at their kneecaps, Heigl’s hiatus is supposed to occur around the same time that her co-star Ellen Pompeo is due to give birth meaning not just one, but two of the series regulars will be off doing their own thing while they are supposed to be working on the show.

We already discussed that Whitney was on GMA today, but one of our old EB faves was also on the show. Jon Gosselin took to the hot seat to answer some questions about his divorce from Kate and with his usual mouth full of marbles, he told Chris Cuomo that despite all of his hard work, Kate’s busy book tour schedule and her “abuse” is what drove the two apart. He makes his ex out to be a control freak bitch who left him at home to watch after their children. Ah, such a victim.

Let’s get something straight: These people are living a lifestyle that’s afforded to them because Kate pumped out sextuplets after already having twins and to many, that is an interesting story. I’m sure, when faced with the option, more people would rather talk to the mother that housed these children in her body than the father. That’s just how these things work. For Jon to take issue with the fact that he’s not making money off the extremely rare conditions that his children were born under the way he wants to, that’s just pig-headed and selfish. While another man would be proud of his wife and the way that they’ve both capitalized on this natural circumstance together, Jon Gosselin takes it as abuse. And he’s really gotten his way now, hasn’t he? Now Kate is always at home with the children and he’s gallivanting around the world with hideously tacky and unsavory people. He sure got her!

You know, I’m thinking that a 22 year old girlfriend may be exactly what he’s mentally capable of handling.

Crazy and unplanned things happen all the time on live stage productions.  Yesterday was no different as an actor lifted a stage prop — I’m hearing it was a radio — and accidentally whacked Cate Blanchett in the back of the head with it.  The Academy award-winning actress fell to the floor and started bleeding from the back of her head.  Needless to say, the show was promptly cancelled.  It is set to resume again on Thursday.

The mayhem all unfolded at the Sydney Theater Company — a company she runs with her playwright husband Andrew Upton — where the actors are doing a production of Streetcar Named Desire.  The dude who injured her must be sweating it; inflicting a serious head injury upon the boss/boss’s wife rarely turns out well.  

Feel better soon, Cate!  Oh, and to the prop-throwing guy … tough break, man.

Soleil Moon Frye wanted to do something special for her massive-sized online audience in celebration for hitting a million Twitter followers.  What you are about to witness is what she determined was the best gift she could possibly give.  Clearly, she could use an Oprah-sized lesson on extravagant gift-giving.  I want a car, and after watching that video I kinda feel like I deserve one.  With heated seats.

The surgery-free Demi Moore, best friend to Soleil and an obsessive Twitterer, was there to “direct” this “masterpiece”, but you only hear her voice from off-camera.  At first you think this is just going to be a kind of ho-hum video and then Punky goes totally fucking nuts.  I’ll never get the image of Soleil Punky Frye screaming “Punky Power” at me.  Just like her show, she’s super cute for the first two minutes and then you can’t wait for her screen time to be over.

Anyway, I’m sick of talking about Jon Gosselin (even though he just said in an interview that Kate verbally abused him), so today, we allow an irrelevant ’80s flash in the pan to verbally abuse us.  Enjoy.

Whitney Houston sang(?) Tuesday morning for the Good Morning America Central Park concert and had a surprisingly talented back-up singer: her daughter Bobbi Kristina.  It’s a good. Damn. Thing.

It’s never a good sign when the first thing a singer does before singing a note is apologize, but that’s just what Ms. Houston did.  And like every single other ill that this world faces, it was all Oprah’s fault.  ”I’m so sorry. I did Oprah. I’ve been talking for so long.”