Recently rumors have been circulating again that former Laguna Beach cast member and new star of The Hills, Kristin Cavallari has been dating or was dating John Mayer. Kristen said “as if!” to that false story this morning in an interview with Ryan Seacrest on his radio show, saying that although the two had met and he did, in fact, ask her out, she declined. Why? Because as she put it, she didn’t want to be “another notch on his belt.”

Full disclosure: I freakin’ love Kristin. She’s probably one of my all-time favorite reality TV stars ever. Why? ‘Cause homegirl’s a bitch who keeps it real. The Hills is about to go through the roof starting tonight with the season premiere, and Kristen dished on that as well. “I get along with everybody except for Audrina. I don’t not like Audrina. I don’t think she likes me.” Y’all know that comes from the fact that MTV producers did their best to push Kristin together with Audrina’s ex, Justin Bobby, who honestly isn’t good enough for either one of them. If Audrina is on her fifth and final season of the show and still fails to understand that the whole thing is fake and any drama on the show is just for ratings, than she’s even more clueless than I originally thought. If JB was so precious to old Audrina, she should have kept him off screen like Lauren did with her real life love, Kyle Howard.

Anyway, I’m 110% ready to start “feeling the rain on my skin”, as of tonight. Kristin is going to tear the face off season five. And oh yeah, she won’t even sleep with the guys that Jennifer Aniston’s boned. Baller!

Although her divorce from Guy Ritchie seems like it just happened, Madonna may already have plans to marry her new boyfriend, Jesus Luz. Yup. Madonna and Jesus. How cute.

At this point, the rumor that originally started in Hello Magazine seems pretty unfounded, an unnamed source close to the aging pop star says that it’s definitely “on the table”. This would be the third marriage for the mom of four, and while Madonna’s not exactly the kind of woman to seek out the aid of a man, I can imagine that after the stability she found in her relationship with Ritchie that she’d be looking to find something like again.

All I have to say is: Poor Lourdes. The girl’s a teenager now and has had to watch her mom marry someone who’s not her father, have kids with him, adopt a baby then divorce the guy and start dating new men. I can’t imagine that that makes being the daughter of one of the most famous women in the world that much easier.

Oh wow! This is amazing! This morning TLC announced that Jon Gosselin will no longer be a part of the show Jon and Kate Plus 8 and the show will now just be titled Kate Plus 8. The reasons are clear: Jon’s been acting like a straight fool all summer: picking up smoking, a barely legal girlfriend, gallivanting in the Hamptons with Michael Lohan and calling the cops on Kate for daring to show up at their shared home when Jon hired a babysitter that he was allegedly sleeping with. “Given Jon’s recent antics, there was no way the show could continue to portray him as a doting Dad, not while all this other crap was going on,” said a source close to the chubby bad dad.

On the other hand, things have been looking up for Kate. After three very successful co-hosting stints on The View, Kate won the hearts of a lot of viewers for continuing to be down to earth and taking the high road. She also recently filmed a pilot for a Food Network show that she would be co-hosting with Paula Dean. I know I’d definitely tune in for that!

So what’s going to be Johnny Goss’ next move? I’m thinking that he’ll bum around New York chain smoking menthol lights while wearing a t-shirt adorned with tiger skulls and bedazzled hearts until the paparazzi gives up on him and then maybe, eventually, he’ll get a gig working the register at a Walgreens. Best of luck to ya, Jon!

Gwen Stefani’s London quarters, a massive place in the Primrose Hill area, was broken in to over the weekend. Stefani, her husband Gavin Rossdale and their two kids were no where near the property when the break in took place. In fact, they were halfway across the world in Singapore where Stefani was performing with No Doubt at the F1 Rocks festival. The first floor of the home was ransacked, but for some reason the burglars stayed out of the second floor where most of the couple’s private possessions were stowed.

The front door of the estate has now been covered with a heavy metal sheet to block the hole that was made in order to get inside, which honestly doesn’t look all that secure to me.  It seems that break-ins have been happening left and right between Audrina and Lindsay and now all the way across the pond at the Stefani/Rossdale place. This is for sure a sign of the desperate times we’re living in mixed with people’s insatiable need to get their hands on a little piece of celebrity.

Sorry for two Simpson Sisters posts in a row, but this is really really important, you guys.

Jessica Simpson ended her summer by watching her precious maltipoo Daisy get eaten by a coyote and then flew straight to Africa to film another installment of her new show The Price of Beauty. Unfortunately for Jessica, who was able to bring along her BFFs Cacee Cobb and hairstylist Ken Paves, she’s not quite used to the buggy climate. She posted the above photo, along with the tweet “WTF?!? Do I really have to sleep like this?” on her Twitter feed. However, Simpson can’t be having that bad of a time as she followed up the next day with “LOVED my first day in Uganda meeting incredible women filled with spirit.”

My heart always breaks for this dim-witted blond and I’m not sure why. Perhaps it’s her ability to see the positives in her roller-coaster life, or maybe it’s just because she had to grow up with Joe Simpson for a father, but for some reason she gets my loyalty.

Ashlee Simpson took little Bronx Wentz on a barefooted Starbucks run yesterday in Los Angeles. I haven’t seen too much of Bronx since the photos released right after he was born, so I was quite surprised to see how big he is already at not even a year old! Apparently Ashlee struggled to fit him in to his carseat before the two pulled away from the coffee joint. This certainly sheds light on Pete Wentz’s recent tweets that he “bred the incredible hulk baby”.