Did you guys watch the telethon the MDA telethon this weekend?  No telethon is complete without a liberal sprinkling of Charo and she didn’t disappoint.  

Best parts?  Well, homophobe Jerry Lewis — and yes, I will attach “homophobe” to every single article I ever write regarding JL — getting the most action his shriveled peen has seen in the past 25 years was pretty enjoyable (2:45), but my personal favorite snippet is Charo dancing with Stick Up Thy Ass woman (4:10).  

Happy Labor Day, folks!

Holy smokes!  Can someone please fly to Tokyo where Nicky Hilton is promoting her clothing line and cram about 17 sashimi rolls down her gullet?  I always have a skewed idea of people’s actual weight, but Nicky’s gotta be weighing in at about 105 pounds, no?  Seriously, be a hero, feed a Hilton!

A few months ago a Young and the Restless actor quit after refusing to participate in a story line that involved his character kissing another man.  A similar story has just unfolded over on the set of One Life to Live.

Patricia Mauceri — she’s played Carlotta Vega for the past 14 years — was just fired after her refusal to participate in a gay story line that conflicted with her personal religious beliefs.  Mauceri and her character are both devout Christians.  She explained to FOX News, “I did not object to being in a gay storyline. I objected to speaking the truth of what that person, how that person would live and breathe and act in that storyline.  And this goes against everything I am, my belief system, and what I know the character’s belief system is aligned to.”  So, I think what she’s saying is that her character, Carlotta Vega, would have expressed disapproval of homosexuality and the show’s producers scripted Vega as being more open-minded.

I don’t know what all the gay haterade is that seems to be milling around the soap opera world lately, but I do have a question for all of you:  Should actors be able to refuse participation in a story line that doesn’t align with their values system and still expect to keep their jobs?

Mauceri is part of the actors’ union AFTRA; expect a lawsuit in three, two …

A couple of weeks ago, Regis suggested to Kate Gosselin that he believed reconciliation was on the horizon.  She just stared blankly and they mercifully cut to commercial.  Lest any of you are holding out hope, Jon Gosselin is crystal clear on the possibility of a Jon & Kate Plus 8: Together Again in a new Good Morning America interview (it airs tomorrow).

“Our relationship will never be fixed,” he tells ABC News’ Chris Cuomo. “… I don’t trust her anymore. I was abused … I was beaten down … I’m not going back to that life style.”

“She knows the truth,” he says. “I wish to God, she would speak from emotions … She’s not speaking from the heart. Please — the stuff you tell me in private should be the stuff you tell me on TV.”

Oh, yes.  I think “The stuff you tell me in private should be the stuff you tell me on TV” should be worked into traditional wedding vows for everyone.  Jon Gosselin has lost all ability to edit and I’m really enjoying watching from the sidelines.  He’s like the kid who was raised in a strict Mormon household and then leaves home and moves to Manhattan.  He’s drunk with self-empowerment and personal freedom.

The breaking point in the marriage, according to Jon, came when he wanted to go out with his friends.  In case you didn’t know, I had a very similar fight in one of my own relationships.  When I was 14.

“In 10 years, I’ve never gone out … When she said, ‘I don’t want you going out,’ I … I used to say, ‘OK, I’m not going to go out.’ I was very passive. This is the first time I said, ‘You know what? I want to see my friends. I’m going out,’” he says. “That was the first time in my life I ever stood up to Kate … I just felt like I had to take back some time in my life, and I did it. And I felt really good. I made my own decision … I was beaten down for so long, I couldn’t even make my own decision. And when I did, I was like, holy cow! You know? Yeah, what’s she gonna do? Divorce me? All right. Obviously. You know.”

At this point, Jon is spending time reconnecting with his family — his family that all obviously hated Kate.  ”My mom and my brothers, they say to me, ‘It’s so good to have the real Jon back. It’s so good to have the warm, loving, kind, caring person that we knew you when you were … before you got married.’  I’ve changed for her. Because I loved her … But don’t forget who you are. That’s what happened to me.”  Yeah, I’m sure his folks said that to him.  ”We’re so glad you’re back Jon.  We’re so happy you decided to quit marriage to the mother of your eight children and hook up with young twenty-somethings everywhere, all whilst wearing skull and rose t-shirts.”

Jon also griped about his $22,000 therapy bill — I can’t believe TLC hasn’t taken care of that — and hopes that Kate gets help for her issues.

“I learned about myself. If she’s not going to therapy, she’s not going to fix herself, then it’s not going to work. It takes two people,” he says. “I have a $22,000 therapy bill. I mean, I tried to have marriage counseling. I did it myself. She refused to go.”

Reflecting on his failed marriage, Jon says, “I felt maybe I was too passive. Maybe I didn’t stand my grounds 10 years ago — even to stick up for my kids. But it’s gone. I can’t get that back.”

“I don’t cry, I cried at my dad’s funeral. That’s it,” he says, “but like, I’ve cried more now in the last, like, eight months than … my whole entire life.”

What does Jon want to say to viewers?

“I just want to let the world know that I’m a real person with feelings,” he says. “OK, I’ve made mistakes. Maybe it wasn’t the best idea to go out to the clubs. But we all learn from mistakes, except mine are public.”

You know what, dude?  Your mistakes are public because every time you fuck another sorority girl and then justify it, you call your agent to set up an interview.  I’m sure a lot of what you said is true and I’m sure Kate has plenty of negative she could say about you.  She’s doing this controlled, pursed lips, politically correct thing and you’re giving away all the fodder that could be bound into a 99-cent bargain bin paperback.  I’m sick of the whole fucking lot of Gosselins.  Team Jon & Kate Evaporate!

As it turns out, there is a website called Who Celebs Tweet that will show Twitter feeds between any two people.  I’d like to show you the feed of Tweets that have occurred between Tila Tequila and Shawne Merriman — specifically, the fifth entry down where Miss Tila “I’m allergic to alcohol” Tequila tells her boyfriend she’s drunk.  As I mentioned earlier today, Shawne Merriman denies abusing TT, and the famewhore replied back, denying that she drinks.

Fuck you, Tila Tequila.  Fuck. You.  You’re a liar and you are a shame to the female gender.  Levying a false accusation like that, beyond causing potential ruin to another person, makes others less likely to come forward for fear of not being believed.

Thank you to Amy Grindhouse for helping confirm what I think I secretly knew all along:  Tila was hoping to get Rihanna-level attention by crafting this imaginary drama.

Paris appeared at the Venice Film Festival this weekend with her on-again boyfriend, Doug Reinhardt.  Doug was looking very two-dimensional and was airbrushed within an inch of his life.

There were a few other notables there, but I’m willing to bet attendance was down at this year’s festival.  Damn economy.  I’m really, really hoping Eva Mendes hasn’t fallen off the wagon since her rehab stint, but ahhh … well, you can judge for yourself.  Mel Brown was looking very pink and Matt Damon was looking very goofy.  Nicolas Cage — don’t you love it when people get all familiar with him and refer to him as “Nick?” — and a very androgynous looking Tilda Swinton were there as well.