The video isn’t embeddable, but you must click this link to watch Jon Gosselin do an exclusive interview with ABC Wednesday night. About Hailey Glassman, he says “I love her more than I did Kate.” He says Hailey gives him the respect and encouragement “that a man needs,” which was obviously absent in his relationship with Kate, and then he harps on about how you can’t choose who you love.

I don’t necessarily disagree with the statements he’s making, but, in the way he delivers those statements, he manages to sound entirely like a 12-year-old boy pleading his case to a teacher who flunked him because he didn’t do any of the homework all year. He’s desperate and unsure of himself and self-centered and the dog ate his homework and he loves the dog soooo much; he may even love the dog more than algebra. And why doesn’t anyone understand how hard it is for him to have a dog who eats his homework every goddamn day? Life is so unfair. The world needs to know how unfair his life is.

Kate’s response statement:

“For the sake of my children I maintain that I’m not going to go into details of aspects I believe should remain private.”

TEAM KATE.

Please watch the clip above, from the original Melrose Place, when Kimberly puts a bomb in the complex and everyone blows up.

When they were filming this, I’m sure they knew they had thoroughly jumped the shark, but little did they know that, over a decade later, this scene would be a fitting parallel for the show’s remake.

The Ashlee Simpson-starrer’s series premiere scored horrible ratings. In fact, the WORST. The show came in last place in network ratings, despite a ton of hype. (Although I’d been hearing from insiders for months that the CW was crazy to ever even air it — everyone knew it was crap.) It’ll be off the air after another one or two episodes air, if that. Wendie totally called it. In fairness, I predicted this back in April, but at the time I thought they’d get at least a half-season. I’d like to edit that to say I think they’ll get at least their first paycheck. Maybe.

Sigh. I’m just gonna tell you what Janet Charleton told me, and I’m not going to copy-paste it into my text as though I wrote it myself, unlike another, unnamed gossip blogger:

If you read Page Six you might remember a recent blind item they printed about secret trysts between a reality star and a well known singer. We are revealing that pair to be John Mayer and “The Hills” star Kristin Cavallari! They have been hooking up secretly at a mutual friend’s house in the Mt Olympus area of the Hollywood Hills for the past two years! Our source says that Kristin was hesitant to date John publicly because she didn’t want to be added to his long list of conquests, and they were both dating other people off and on. Recently their “friends with benefits” relationship has evolved, and they are actually considering going public.

So, like, love her or hate her, Janet Charleton’s usually right about this shit. Which just leaves my mind boggled. I mean, I almost didn’t do this post, because Kristin Cavallari is closely associated in my mind with The Couple That Shall Not Be Named, and I feel like we should ban her just due to her proximity to them on any sort of Hollywood Douchebaggery graph (the x-axis is “Time Spent on an MTV Reality Show” and the y-axis is “dignity”). But I’m letting her slide, for now, because I’m fascinated by the idea that John Mayer really would stoop so low as to date Kristin Cavallari. The sex I understand … but a relationship? Sometimes I think this kid just looks for relationships that will eventually make good songs.

Oh, and it’s especially interesting as it comes on the heels of Jennifer Aniston once again raging against the “lonely girl” epithet that’s been attached to her name with the force of the Hellenic army. Because if these numbers are right, Kristin was in the picture at the same time she was. Sa-weeeeet!

This comes so far out of left field, it’s guaranteed to be a home run. As we were all sitting around, shaking our heads and wondering how on earth American Idol could continue to be interesting during its post-Paulum depression, the FOX executives were doing something absolutely genius: They were hiring Ellen Degeneres.

Ellen will take the fourth judge’s seat after its preliminary auditions phase (so basically she gets to miss out on the worst part.) “I’ve watched since the beginning and I’ve always been a huge fan, so getting this job is a dream come true,” said Ellen.

It’s funny this should happen today. I’ve been absent from around here for awhile — I was at a cabin in the middle of Idaho, for anyone who’s interested — and this morning I found myself sitting in front of the TV as it happened to be tuned to Ellen. It’s been years since I’ve watched her show, and I was just struck with how creative and entertaining and all-around brilliant her show is. I was like “I wish I had the opportunity to see more of her.” AND NOW I WILL!

Ya know, I really thought Paula was irreplaceable on that show. I bet she thought that, too. But they didn’t try to find another Paula — they found her polar opposite. I think Ellen will continue Paula’s tradition of treating the contestants with kindness, but she’ll be perceptive and (intentionally) funny and sober in the process, and I think it’ll be fantastic for the show. Ellen seems to have lately really embraced her inner butch lesbian — and I’m loving the look on her — and I think it’ll be fantastic to have an openly gay presence on the show. I’m certain it’ll prevent Ryan and Simon from hinting at one another’s homosexuality as an insult, which was getting really really old.

Well-played, my friends at FOX.

Friday marks the anniversary of the most deadly act of terrorism committed on U.S. soil.  Like many other devastating tragedies in our history, I don’t think most of us will ever forget that day.  As we approach September 11th, Charlie Sheen is looking to expose the truth of what happened on that day eight years ago.

Sheen, 44, argues that “the official 9/11 story is a fraud” and claims the attacks served as “the pretext for the systematic dismantling of our Constitution and Bill of Rights.” Moreover, he charges that the Bush/Cheney “regime” was behind the attacks as a prelude to justify an invasion of Iraq. Sheen also insinuates that Usama bin Laden is working for the U.S. government.

Sheen, who has been an adamant “9/11 Truther” for years, demands in his imagined meeting with Obama that the president answer what he calls a “bottomless warren of unanswered questions surrounding that day and its aftermath.”

Sheen is the former husband of actress Denise Richards, who alleged that he was addicted to gambling, prescription drugs and prostitutes. While Sheen has openly discussed his previous struggles with drugs, he has denied Richards’ allegations against him. Still, Richards used his beliefs about 9/11 as proof for a judge that he was “delusional.” She later sought and received a restraining order against him.

Charlie Sheen wrote an article titled “Twenty Minutes With the President” which has been posted on PrisonPlanet.com.  It’s fiction based on a discussion Sheen would like to have with President Barack Obama.  It’s really quite long, but I encourage you to read it here.

I think we can all pretty much assume that our president isn’t going to be penning in some time to meet with an actor from Two and a Half Men, but I found the piece Charlie wrote to be pretty interesting.  Is it just par for the course that conspiracy theories will crop up whenever a catastrophic tragedy occurs?  Do you think that there is merit to Charlie Sheen’s claims or is his version of the facts just a result of too much time spent with coke, booze and Denise Richards?

Caption this picture of Lindsay Lohan   Aubrey O’Day   Perez Hilton Kim Cattrall as she appeared today on set filming Breakin’ 2:  Electric Boogaloo  Sex and the City 2.

 Honestly, she looks like pre-eleventh grade summer school teacher, but whatever.  Apparently this look is now known as “vintage” or “retro”.