Kathy Griffin was on Jimmy Kimmel Live last night and shared a clip of a skit she did that spoofs the Gosselin family. Oh, and she’s got just the most perfect actor on the universe to portray Jon.

“Wah, wah, wah. Here, drink the tears of fame.” She cracks me up!

Aw, man!  Sometimes I watch things on television that make me cringe.  You know the type of thing where you wish you weren’t watching but you’ll kill anyone who reaches for the remote?  This was one of those times.  Nightline‘s Cynthia McFadden interviewed Tyra Banks and it aired last night.  She asked all the appropriate questions (even if she couldn’t pronounce Paulina Porizkova’s name) about Tyra’s successes and relationships and blah, blah, blah.  However, the only thing anyone probably cares about — why do the America’s Top Model judges keep dropping off like flies? — and McFadden was met with silence and crazy eyes.  Even after being warned by Tyra’s publicist a couple of times, she just. Kept. Asking.  I think that’s the sign of a good journalist, but it still made me bite my nails.  I thought Tyra was going to jump out of her seat, grab Cynthia McFadden by her ankles and start swinging her over her head.  Or slather her with Grey Poupon and ask for a knife and fork.

All the uncomfortableness happens in the first four minutes.  Keep watching if you want to know what Tyra defines as “giving back” — I’ll just tell you:  letting the public know when she has cramps.  Nope, not kidding.  Over-sharer, party of one.

Can a woman be a douche or just use one?  Douche (douchelle?  douchette?) Ashlee Simpson (did she get a reverse rhinoplasty?) shares the cover of October’s Redbook — probably good timing since Melrose Place won’t be on the air in another six weeks — and she talks about how motherhood has made her even more of a bitch than she already was changed her.  ”I’ve grown up so much.  The great thing about being pregnant is that you have nine months and it really does prepare you. Your body is changing, and it’s such an amazing time to feel that connection.”  Really, Ashlee?  Because I’m almost a decade into this mothering deal and I still don’t have it all figured out and don’t reckon I will have it figured out until I’m sitting in a box on my family’s mantle.  Ashlee, though?  She figured it out in less time than it takes to age a decent cheese.

She also talked about how envious her older sister Jessica is of what she has.  “She’s always saying, ‘Oh, I want a baby!’”  When the interviewer asked Ashlee if she was jealous of the freedom that Jess has as a single woman, Ash replied, “I really don’t.”

Poor Jess!  I wish she could find her own eyeliner-wearing Prince Emo Charming to have beautiful, fat babies with!

Hey, guys!  How bad is this new single from Carmen Electra?  Yep, Carmen Electra is a singer now — you didn’t know?  This “song” is called “Who Do You Think You Are?” and it’s off her new album — yep, Carmen Electra has an album now — titled C-17.  

I can best describe this song as the sound my brain makes right before I conclude that I need a Xanax.  An overproduced cacophony of frenetic, spastic anxiety that would make a perfect soundtrack for the spontaneous choreographed dance numbers that have started cropping up on the new 90210.  Take a listen.

Oh, God — where are those pills?

Mischa Barton was out partying Tuesday night — have I mentioned what a bad idea this is for someone fresh out of rehab? — and looking quite svelte again.  More than just partying, she was partying with Gossip Girl‘s Taylor Momsen who is just a teen statistic waiting to happen.  Taylor Momsen is Mischa Barton seven years ago.

It’s like the aliens came and extracted my Mischa Hate.  Ever since she went a little nutso, I’m so much more forgiving of her choices — even that “Mom on The Wonder Years” getup she’s wearing in the top picture.  Oh, where is my passion?  Time for a new target, obviously.

Speaking of the top picture, that was Mischa on August 20th.  The bottom picture where she’s wearing her slutty flight attendant uniform, was taken Tuesday.  Looks like someone has been hitting the ladies’ room gym in the past couple of weeks.

Uh-oh, guys.  It looks like Lindsay’s Twitter account was hacked again!  And when I say “hacked” what I really mean is “not hacked.”  

I don’t do cocaine I’m not fluent in Lindsay-speak, but I think it’s clear that she was Tweeting and Sam was replying via text.  Listen, I don’t know what the fuck these messages mean.  Obviously, Sam has been saying Lindsay is “gross” which is the best news I’ve heard all day.

I do know that I’ll be using the word “substanisan” — I’ve decided that it can be defined as “below Afghanistan” — all day long.  As in:  ”How much lower can Lindsay sink before getting back to Cirque Lodge?  She’s substanisan already.”