“She was in her frickin’ bra and with an open jacket and hot-pink shorts, skating around the rink with red lips and… and she was sexy as a mother…. a feral creature. It was great.”

Drew Barrymore in a Marie Claire interview, talking about her lust for Whip It co-star Ellen Page’s body.

I told you the other day that Christina Milian eloped in her $200 rented dress with her now-husband, The-Dream.  Well, I guess he really is a dream because the two are expecting a little nightmare.

“The pregnancy was a surprise, but they were getting married regardless,” a source tells Us. 

Milian has already been talking about children.

“Of course, I would love to have kids,” she told Us earlier this summer at the premiere of Bring It On: Fight to the Finish in NYC. “I think that’s some of the reasons why I do movies like this.”

Even The-Dream (real name: Terius Hagert Youngdell Nash) — who proposed to Milian with a six-carat sparkler from Ivanka Trump‘s jewelry line — has been talking about a family.

“I love kids, and [Christina] loves kids probably more than I do,” he told Us in July. “She’ll make that time [to have a baby]. In the next couple of years, there’ll be something around.” 

Congratulations to the happy couple!

Mischa was on The View today and I missed it.  I was home, downloading pictures of Posh Spice and avoiding 9/11 coverage because it still makes me cry, when I could have been watching Mischa instead.  This is so devastating.  She gave up all the details on getting committed under an involuntary 5150 a couple months ago.  You know, in print she’s already talked about her wisdom teeth and how having them removed led to her being committed into a mental health facility, but on The View she was really, really going in circles.  Joy Behar even kind of questioned her on it.  At least, that’s what I hear.  I didn’t get to see it myself.  Because no one told me she was going to be on.

Let’s see if we can piece together what really happened based on her quotes during today’s interview:

• “I mean, really, it was blown out of proportion, so it’s kind of silly now to be talking about it because I’m so fine now, but it was really just a bad time for me.”

• “It was sort of one of those things that was like a perfect storm. Everything happened at once.” 

• “Right, I mean, it was just … I was overwhelmed.  I had too much work going on. I had a surgery for my wisdom teeth that went really badly. I had been in the hospital. I had two surgeries on my wisdom teeth. I had four taken out and they had gotten it really badly wrong. They had to drill into my jaw and I was just in really excruciating pain.” 

• “I had an infection and a dry socket and I woke up on a Sunday morning and there was no doctor available. I was trying to take the minimum amount of painkillers and get through it because I had to go to work soon and I was getting ready to go do this show, The Beautiful Life, and meanwhile I still had a schedule to travel. 

• “I was going to Europe. I was going to London. I had things to do and I was prepping to do photo shoots and I was just overwhelmed. I had so much work to do and the surgery had gone so badly for me. And I think that I was just starting to feel completely overwhelmed. It was just too much to have this surgery go so wrong.” 

(In response to Joy Behar wanting to know why she received psychiatric care for a medical issue:)

•  ”When they take you into the hospital for something when it goes really wrong if you’re having a meltdown and you say something like ‘I feel like I want to die’ … they start injecting you with things to calm down. Like I’m petrified of needles. Like absolutely petrified … you can’t come anywhere … I had my blood drawn once in my life for my insurance.  I just figure that if you hit rock bottom like that … and you’re around people, you know, you realize I’m nothing like these people.” 

Well, as long as Mischa isn’t like those people.  I know dental pain can be pretty excruciating and I am willing to accept her excuse.  Actually, I’m willing to accept her excuse because it puts her back in not-mentally-ill, safe-for-me-to-make-fun-of-her territory.  Rejoice!

Ever since I started posting videos on YouTube, I seem to get an endless stream of emails from you guys asking me how I do my eye makeup and what products I use. So I thought it would be a fun little Friday treat to do a little vid explaining all of this. I’m personally addicted to watching YouTube vids about how people do their makeup, so I’m delighted to add to the stockpile. Watch above to have all your questions answered.

To make it easier on y’all, the products mentioned here come from Marakele Minerals, Chanel, MAC and Bobbi Brown.

Victoria Beckham attended Fashion Night Out at Bergdof Goodman in New York City last night wearing this delightful little number that looks a bit like a beautiful, pastel, feline-family animal caught in a trap.  Obvs, I want to hear what you think about the dress, but also — just because you can wear one square foot of fabric, should you?  

Oh, and this probably doesn’t even need to be pointed out, but even Posh is feeling the pinch in this challenging economy.  She has clearly downsized her, uh, assets.

Tila Tequila met with the San Diego DA yesterday to discuss the chain of events that occurred between her and San Diego Charger Shawne Merriman over Labor Day weekend.  Upon leaving, Tila’s arms were in plain view and appeared to be quite bruised.  She said that she didn’t know if she’d forgive Merriman and “we’ll see” when asked about pressing charges.  Here’s the thing:  If Merriman did assault her, I don’t think Tila even gets a vote on whether or not charges will be pressed.  You can see the video here.

I suspect that this case may fade away without incident.  If a man assaulted me — I thought he choked her, but apparently he choked her biceps — and someone asked if I’d be pressing charges, my reply would be, “Oh. Hell. Yes.”  In addition, Tila has done a ton of Tweeting about what happened (while constantly praising herself for taking the high road) and finished her numerous Tweets with one that read:  ”A real man is able to apologize. A real woman is able to forgive and accept the apology…….”  Screen grabs of all of that can be seen in the photo gallery or you can just check out Tila’s Twitter.

I’d like to just reaffirm my stance on the topic of domestic violence as there have been some recent questions raised regarding my point of view.  Blaming a victim is never okay.  I am a firm believer in offering swift and unquestioning support to any victim who is in need.  No woman or man should ever suffer at the hands of another.  Coming forward, pressing charges is the way to break the cycle of abuse.  If you or someone you know is in trouble, please contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-SAFE (7233) or www.ndvh.org.  Translators are available.

As far as Tila is concerned, if those injuries were caused by Shawne Merriman, this case should be a slam dunk.