Two years ago, Beyonce was scheduled to perform in Malaysia, but canceled the show after members of the country’s conservative Islamic majority threatened to protest or petition the government to ban the concert if she didn’t cover up her bootyliciousness. At the time, Beyonce’s PR people claimed that the show was canceled due to a scheduling conflict, but really, she wasn’t willing to follow the country’s modesty laws which state that any female must cover herself from shoulder to ankle. She went to Indonesia instead, where the dress code is more lax.
Now, her website has released a statement saying the singer will take the stage in Kuala Lampur on October 25th as part of her “I am” world tour. The majority government isn’t too excited about it, and released a statement containing one of the most amusing anti-western quotes in recent history:
Sabki Yusof, youth vice head of the Pan-Malaysian Islamic Party, said Sunday that they would send a protest note to the government over the concert. He said it was the government’s “responsibility to protect the people of Malaysia” from what he described as immoral Western influences.
“We are not against entertainment as long as it is within the framework of our culture and our religion,” Sabki said. “We are against Western sexy performances. We don’t think our people need that.”
In Knowles news of a smellier sort, Beyonce is currently being sued by Abercrombie and Fitch for copyright infringement. The company claims that a fragrance named after Knowles’ alter ego Sasha Fierce violates a copyright they hold on fragrances named “fierce.”
Ironically, both Knowles and Abercrombie are being sued by Garth Brooks for infringing upon the copyright he holds on lame alter egos and general doucheyness.
John Travolta is on his way to the Bahamas to testify in the extortion trial of paramedic Tarino Lightbourne and his lawyer, Pleasant Bridgewater, who is a former Bahamian senator. The two are accused of trying to blackmail Travolta out of 25 million dollars after his son Jett’s death.
Tarino administered emergency aid to Jett when an ambulance was called to the Travolta family’s Bahamian retreat on January 2nd after Jett reportedly had a seizure then fell and hit his head in the bathtub. Allegedly, Tarino and Bridgewater later threatened to release information about Jett’s death to the press unless Travolta payed up.
I’m not at all sympathetic with someone who would attempt to blackmail a grieving father right after his son’s death, but it does make me wonder about the circumstances surrounding Jett’s death if some lowlife thought it would be worth $25 million to Travolta to keep the details a secret. If you remember, the Travoltas had always maintained that Jett had an illness known as Kawasaki Syndrome that they claimed caused Jett’s seizures. Many in the press claimed the illness was actually autism– a disease that Scientology does not acknowledge and for which Jett would not have received the treatment he needed.
The trial is slated to begin on Monday. It’ll be interesting to see what comes out of it.
In other Scientology news, Will-I-am-not-a-scientologist-Smith had some interesting deductions show up on his 2008 tax return. He donated over $100,000 to Scientology groups last year. That’s a lot of scratch for someone who’s not a level 3 grand inquisitor of the luminous realm (or whatever the hell their crazy titles are). 411mania also offers up this little nugget:
Smith also recently replaced the headmaster of his Southern California private school, The New Village Leadership Academy, with a new headmaster who has completed Scientology courses in the past.
Carrie Fisher broke one of the cardinal rules of being a celebrity– NEVER google yourself. Because you won’t like what you find. All it takes is one really vicious comment in a thousand to shoot your self esteem lower than the stock market circa October 30th, 1929.
But rather than letting what people like me write about her turn her into some paranoid celebrity sycophant, desperately doing anything and everything to her physique in a futile effort to please the masses (they are never pleased), Carrie fought back with this post on her blog, combating superficial criticism with humor (a good share of it self-deprecating) and insight. Thanks to Wendy and Sheila for the heads up.
I thought that I’d forgotten one of the things I was thinking of writing about, but now I remember………at least I think I do…… One thing is that I foolishly Googled myself last nite—–because the Enquirer has been trying to get me to confirm some asinine thing I said as a bad joke AGES ago, & I wanted to see if had shown up somewhere—- which it hadn’t—– until now, when I stupidly call attention to this non event here——- ANYWAY—–in the process of searching, I found that someone had posted that I USED to be hot, but that now I looked like Elton John. As much as I attempted to place myself above the reach of this observation……
I must admit that…..yup……. This ended up hurting my feelings—–all 7 of them.
You see, I was hot when most people are hot—- in my fucking 20’s & part of my 30’s……THEN, in an effort to imitate humans, I had a child &, to further maintain my life like disguise, I took medications for about 9 thousand years, &, despite all my efforts, I continued to get older & older——inadvertently, I assure you———-I tried to arrest my development physically as WELL as emotionally, but unfortunately without as much success. I also must confess that I ate food. I’m sorry….. I realize that I promised never to eat anything but lettuce & sun flower seeds, but tragically, I was unable to keep my promise.
Yes, I realize…..I KNOW that I vowed to exercise for 3 hours a day—-aerobics, pilates AND yoga, but alas, I admit with a large quota of shame, that I failed to fulfill this other important commitment.
NO, I shouldn’t look as if 30 years have passed. I understand completely if you can’t find it in your heart to forgive me for looking like 3 decades have passed…….Of COURSE you should mock & belittle me for being so large!! What else could you POSSIBLY do?????!? I’ve let you down by treating my body as though it were just some giant sad sack that I use to haul my personality around. You have every right to compare me to Yoda or Elton or Kirstie…….I’ve brought it on myself.
But here’s this thing that I found myself wondering………what the fuck do YOU look like??!
I know i don’t really have the right to ask……I’m a public figure——Ive made an unspoken contract to keep that figure slim…….but still, I find myself wondering…….See, I think the folks that insult & mock celebrities who DARE to pack on ten pounds or—–God forbid——MORE than ten!…..I would think it only fair that they post a photo of themselves along with their poisonous observations! And you know what else would be SUPER cool??? Their IQ! ALL the numbers! An approximate count of Weight AND wisdom!
And as a teeny aside—–my show on Broadway is not about my appearance. Oh sure, I’m killing myself trying to lose weight before I open so I won’t offend any theater goers eyes while attempting to entertain them via their ears…… But just in case I don’t achieve my goal of keeping my promise to look 25 & instead manage to remind you of bulbous slugs or gay, iconic musicians……..
I’d like to take this opportunity to offer this quasi poignant explanation & to say to those of you I’ve visually offended…… from the bottom of my heart encased in fat——-
Rihanna nipped out for a bite to eat in the West Village earlier this week.
In all fairness, there have been times that I’ve worn what seems to be a perfectly opaque, cheap cotton tank, only to discover that if the light hits it just right you might be able to see through it. But then, I’m one of those crazy old prudes who wears a bra, so no one gets to see my turkey timers.
When it comes to music, there aren’t too many blatantly wholesome artists I enjoy. The trifecta of nice music that I like includes Taylor Swift, Kelly Clarkson, and Miley Cyrus. So when I heard that Kelly Clarkson did a cover of Miley’s “The Climb,” thereby combining two things of ultimate aural saintliness, I had to track it down.
Kelly hung out with her friends, country / Christian singers Jill Pickering and Kate Rapier, and recorded a harmonious cover of the song in what looks like someone’s poorly-lit living room. It’s a good thing those Jill and Kate girls are such good singers because the first 45 seconds of the video where they “ummm” and hair toss their way through the song’s introduction are absolutely excruciating. I also thought that Kelly and the girl on the left couldn’t quit texting long enough to sing the song, but now think maybe they were just reading the lyrics off their phones.
You know I love to express my opinion on almost everything, but I’m not touching this one with ten foot crucifix. If there’s one thing I’ve learned from growing up in the “buckle of the Bible belt” it’s that you don’t discuss your truest religious beliefs with anybody, except maybe your parents, your best friend, or the person who’s putting his dick in you. Otherwise, it’s better just to keep them to yourself. Sorry, but that’s the kind of fear and self-censorship that being raised in a lion’s den of prosthelytizing poobahs (like Kirk Cameron) engenders.
But you should feel free to pontificate, if you feel so inclined.
And Kirk Cameron might want to check his sources. There is a stone copy of the Ten Commandments proudly displayed in the courtyard of our county courthouse. I’ve also received several tiny green bibles from people giving them away on my school’s campus, so it’s not banned. I have a stockpile of the things in a drawer because, while I neither want nor need them, what the hell do you do with a Bible you don’t want? I can’t throw it away (because it’s the Bible), and Goodwill won’t take them.
She. Is. Marvelous. Seriously marvelous. And super gorgeous. I am not generally a fan of short hair, on guys or girls (late ’90s men’s fashion was a nightmare for me, and I was only in middle school), but she looks so...
I would like to tell you that the term “retard” is very offensive to me. I am not offended because I ASSUME it would offend someone who has mental retardation. I am offened on how the word came to...
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