OK. I realize I’m a huge fan of the Oxygen Network in general, and I’m trying not to be biased, but a network that shows The Golden Girls and A League of Their Own is pretty much awesome in my book.  That aside the new show, The Naughty Kitchen, made me choke on my food in a good way because I was laughing so much.  P.S. – I was coking on free sloppy joe’s and booze . . . Mmmmm . . . .

I had never heard of Chef Blythe Beck prior to this show but I am IN LOVE WITH THIS WOMAN.  Seriously, Angelina Jolie was in first place for lesbian lover and a close second with Jessica Alba (until I realized she sucked) then I saw this show.  Yes, people, I realize Miss Beck is not the skinniest of people, but neither am I.  In addition, doesn’t it speak highly of a chef thats she atually enjoys her own food, let alone food in general?

This show is HILARIOUS!  To all you restaurant folk out there I can guarantee you will love it.  I have worked in a restaurant for the majority of my life and Chef Blythe Beck truly expresses the feelings of the legit chef.  She HATES the waiters because they are only in it for the money and makes fun of the host and hostess because he and she are mindless (I curently work as a hostess and can say this is absolutly TRUE).

The “naughtiness” around Chef Blyth Beck’s cooking is what makes this show different.  Not only is her food DELICIOUS but it’s not particularly good for you!  Additionally, it is Oxygen’s 1st and only show about food AND is the only show based around the chef, not the people under her.  She is only in her late 20′s and is already an Executive Chef for a restaurant in Dallas.  If you have EVER worked in food service I can guarantee you will become addicted to this show.  If you haven’t, chek it out and I hope you realize how stressful the lives of the people that serve you are.

The Naughty Kitchen premiers tonight at 10/9 central on The Oxygen Network.  Oh, and be jealous of the fabulous cream corn dish everyone talks about because she told me the secret ingredient.  I could eat that shit every day it’s so good!

Bon Appetite!

Katie Holmes and Suri Cruise have been spotted walking around Boston today.  Suri’s dad Tom Cruise is filming a movie with Cameron Diaz right down the street from where I live so they are in town.

What do you think of Suri in her little wedge peep-toes?  Seems appropriate for a three-year-old, no?

Hey, guys.  Do you have any plans in, say, December?  If you have any free time, let’s meet up back here and discuss Khloe Kardashian’s divorce, okay?

Kelly told you this weekend that Khloe Kardashian — the fat one according to Kim — was engaged to NBA player Lamar Odom.  She also predicted a pretty quick divorce, but I don’t think any of us could have anticipated just how quickly these two idiots would be getting hitched.  After one month of dating, the two are marrying.  This weekend.  And this isn’t some Star magazine item.  This is People, so it must be true.

The wedding plans are being thrown together this week and formal invitations are going to be delivered.  I hope they’re taking some time to swing by the attorney’s office for a pre-nup.

Lay it on me.  I want to hear all the “My parents married on their first date and have been together for 34 years” stories.  Go.

Jessica Simpson is having a really difficult time dealing with the loss of her Malti-Poo, Daisy.  According to People, she won’t leave her parents’ house and is generally inconsolable.

Her unnamed friend said, “Daisy was her baby.  It’s going to put her in a tailspin.  It will put her in the worst place ever.”

“Whenever things went wrong for Jessica, she reached for Daisy,” another source, a friend, says. “Daisy was her security blanket. When people let her down, she always had Daisy.”

On Sept. 19, her stylist pal Ken Paves convinced Simpson to finally leave her parents’ house. They went to Vino in Encino, Calif., for an attempt to perk her up.

“Jessica seemed okay, but wasn’t smiling much,” an onlooker says. “The wine made her relax a bit, but it was still obvious that she was having a devastating week.”

I believe in full disclosure, so let me tell you that I don’t have any dogs.  I don’t feel a connection to dogs and I will never understand people who call their dogs “my child”.  I just don’t relate.  I’m sure if I had a dog, I’d understand the connection.  So, I think it’s sad that her very adorable dog was snatched away by a coyote, but I’m shocked that People has written this many articles about a dead dog.  Come to think of it, I’m shocked that I’ve written this many articles about a dead dog.  The death of the greatest comedic actress of our times (Bea Arthur) didn’t get this much coverage.

Cheer up, Jessica!  Things could be worse.  You could still be waiting for an engagement ring from a dude who never had any intention of giving you one.  Silver lining, silver lining.

It’s been the day of hell, so I’m just calling all these losers out on the carpet today.  I’m sick and tired of the “bad reaction to prescription medication” and “traumatic dental surgery” bullshit.  I don’t want to hear about celebs that are “exhausted”, “dehydrated”, or “doing maintenance work in their ongoing journey of sobriety”.  They all lie.

For some unknown reason, they are still filming episodes of The Beautiful Life.  Seems like such a waste of time and electricity since the public is never going to see these shows.  Where do those lost episodes go when a show gets cancelled?  I don’t know, but maybe Mischa can find a way to turn the film into powder and snort it.

I felt compassion for Mischa when I thought she was nuts, but now that I realize she’s just fine and was only overwhelmed by her wisdom tooth extraction, there is no mercy.  As I mentioned, they’re still filming that fuckfest of a show for the CW.  The Post reported today that our heartily-ankled fame whore has been showing up on the set bleary-eyed, miserable and she’s holding up filming.

Mischa Barton isn’t completely recovered from the wisdom-tooth misery that supposedly landed her in the loony bin last month. A source on the set of her CW show, “The Beautiful Life,” says Barton shows up to work so bleary some days that it holds up filming. One day, says a source, “she was getting snippy with the director and kept demanding that someone make instant coffee for her. Often, she’ll stare at the coffee for minutes at a time and say, ‘Who will fix my coffee? I need someone to fix my coffee.’ ” A rep for Barton had no comment.

Listen, bitch.  I don’t know where your coffee is, but if I find it, I plan to throw it right in your face.  I’ve been patient enough with you while you had your little “crisis”.  Now that you’ve shown yourself to be the typical “I can stop whenever I want” variety of addict, the gloves are off.

God, see what happens when I keep my feelings bottled up?

David Hasselhoff quite possibly might have the most optimistic publicist ever.  You’d have to be optimistic to believe that the public would buy this story, buuuuuuut here goes:  The Hoff wasn’t drunk last night; he had an “ear infection”.  Apparently, he’s on medication for his “ear infection” and had a bad reaction to it that caused dizziness and disorientation which mimicked intoxication.

I’m sure he’s telling the truth, because his daughter who called 911 is only 17.  I’ve often become confused between alcohol and Amoxicillin; it’s an easy mistake.  Weirdly, the EMTs that arrived on the scene felt that Hoff’s condition was serious enough to transport him to a local hospital.  You just never realize how dangerous inflamed ear drums can be until something like this happens.

You know, I too had a really bad, uh, “ear infection” once.  As a matter of fact, to this day I can’t even look at a bottle of Sambuca because of how badly I was “infected”.

David will be unavailable for the rest of the week due to his “jury duty” obligations.  Hoff, give your publicist a raise, ‘kay?