The Good Wife brought in 13.4 million viewers this week, beating out Dancing with the Stars by a solid margin. Not too shabby, Nurse Hathaway.

What’s it even about? Do I need to start watching? And is she still married to that unbelievably hot lawyer guy in real life? I’d sure as hell be a good wife to that dude. Well, at least for a week or two, and mostly just to make Adam Duritz jealous, but whatever.

Ahhhhhhhhhh ha ha ha ha! This news completely made my night. As we all know, an entire generation of 20-somethings was defined by Phoebe Buffay and “Smelly Cat.” It’s pretty much the greatest song ever. It conveys anger, sympathy, compassion, love, and malodorousness with such grace and eloquence. I’m frankly surprised that we’ve never seen Britney Spears or Pearl Jam cover it. (Seriously, Pearl Jam, get on that.)

So Lisa Kudrow was with Courteney Cox-Arquette at a fundraiser for Feeding America, the nation’s largest domestic hunger-relief charity, at Club Nokia in Los Angeles Tuesday night. The two of them were doing a brief Q&A session to kill time before Sheryl Crow went on to perform:

“Play ‘Smelly Cat!’ ” an audience member called out, after Kudrow and Cox Arquette were pressed into a question-and-answer session while Crow and her bandmates set up backstage.

Kudrow looked to her friend for help, but Cox Arquette gleefully threw her pal under the Benefit bus, calling out to the stagehands: “Get her a guitar, people!”

After being fitted with an acoustic guitar, the momentarily bewildered actress warily asked, “Is this a set up?” before summoning her inner Phoebe and serenading the audience with her ballad about an odiferous feline.

PLEASE tell me someone has this shit on video? And that it will be on YouTube soon? In the meantime, the O.G. “Smelly Cat” can be viewed above.

Update: Thanks to Jelena for the clip below:

I never cared much about Emmy Rossum. I’d see a photo of her on the red carpet as I was thumbing through a million event photos and yawn. She’s completely boring and I don’t even know why she’s famous. But I didn’t mind her, I just didn’t care about her.

Now?

I hate that little bitch. She’s on my shit list.

Why, you ask? Oh, just a little item that’s been floating around the Internet in the past day or two:

Her husband filed for divorce on September 25, but Emmy Rossum has already moved on to a new man. The 23-year-old actress, who reportedly split from music business exec Justin Siegel in August after a year-and-a-half secret marriage, has been cozying up to Counting Crows front man Adam Duritz, 45. The pair were spotted on a romantic dinner at Dos Caminos restaurant in New York’s SoHo neighborhood earlier this month, and on September 23, the Phantom of the Opera starlet and the singer made sweet music with a duet at the National Parks Conservation Association’s concert to celebrate National Parks Week in New York’s Central Park.

“They were staring into each other’s eyes,” an onlooker tells In Touch of the couple as they sang “Going Back to Georgia.” After the Counting Crows finished their set, Emmy and Adam brought the sizzle offstage. “They went back to his trailer together. They had their arms around each other and were kissing,” an insider tells In Touch. “They are totally dating and aren’t afraid to show it.”

Yeah, so, ya know, fuck that. I’ve been trying to land Adam Duritz for the past decade, this chick is already married to someone else, and then she swoops in and steals him? And she’s 23 years old? Fuck. That. Shit. Adam, this be some booollshit. This girl was in preschool when August and Everything After came out. She probably just started her period last year. Her husband probably had to teach her how to put a tampon in. She doesn’t appreciate you the way that I do. Adam, baby, she just got divorced. Did I mention she’s 23? Where do you see this going? It’s silly, pookie. Stop wasting your time and come cuddle up with me in bed. We can do a different kind of duet — you will sing along to your albums while my mouth is otherwise occupied. Sound better than a Parks & Recreation concert? I thought so.

Oh, and Emmy? Watch your back, beyotch.

I’m just kidding!  Jessica Alba has gone red.  What do you think of it?

I think I’ve said this before, but as a rule I think women look best when their hair color is somewhere in the range of what they were born with.  Jessica has such a beautiful, dark complexion — she’s so striking — and red (pink?) doesn’t do her any favors, in my opinion.

Alba was out and about in Bev Hills today with her Adorable — yes, she is Adorable with a capital A — daughter, Honor Marie.  Honor is clearly at that stage that all kids reach where they discover they can move themselves from point A to point B and will no longer tolerate being toted around.  God, I hate that stage.

Lately, it seems like Amy Winehouse is less troubled.  We don’t see daily pictures of a bra-clad Amy stumbling around the streets of Camden with a bag of crisps in her sore-ridden hands.  So, it makes one curious:  What is Ames doing these days?  Uh, rapping.

Winehouse has decided to try a new genre of music.  Lyrics such as, “Listen. I can write ten raps a night, it don’t matter but you know that it’s tight,” and “I will never wear my hair out unless I am the best.  Oh snap, I never knew that. Well I know that I’m a Jew. Well, a Jewmaican,” coupled with a bunch of unintelligible rambling clearly equals “recipe for success”.

Now all we need is a new rapper name for Winehouse.  Any ideas?  L.L. Cool Jew?  Ugh … sorry.

Beet told us the other day that Dustin Diamond, better known as Saved by the Bell‘s Screech, has bundled together a collection of his delusions and found a publisher willing to call it a book.

This morning Double D (and he is a complete boob) was on Fox 5 to plug his new book.  He shared a story of when an extra on the SBTB set irritated him and he responding by pissing in her purse.  Oh. The. Hilarity.

If you saw Double D on VH1′s Celebrity Fit Club, you know that he’s a big fat liar (emphasis on fat since he kept leaving the show every other episode), but I’d still buy his book just to see what type of shit he’s trying to peddle.  Well, I’d buy his book if I could get it on my Kindle.  For … like, a quarter.