“I have love in my life, a soul mate–absolutely. When someone asked me why Angie and I don’t get married, I replied, ‘Maybe we’ll get married when it’s legal for everyone else.’ I stand by that, although I took a lot of flak for saying it–hate mail from religious groups. I believe everyone should have the same rights. They say gay marriage ruins families and hurts kids. Well, I’ve had the privilege of seeing my gay friends being parents and watching their kids grow up in a loving environment. … Man, I resent people telling others how to live! It drives me mental! Just the other night, I heard this TV reverend say that Angie and I were setting a bad example because we were living out of wedlock, and people should not be duped by us! It made me laugh. What damn right does anyone have to tell someone else how to live if they’re not hurting anyone? How many times do you think real love comes to someone in a lifetime? If you’re lucky, maybe two or three.”

Brad Pitt, in a new interview with Parade, reminding me why I love him even though he’s kind of getting old now.

Yeah, you read that right. $1 trillion-with-a-T. Here’s the story:

In an intellectual property case filed July 31 with the US District Court in Washington, D.C. author Damon Lloyd Goffe of the Bronx, New York is suing the talk show titan and her production company Harpo, Inc for damages he claims to be worth $1 trillion.

In the legal papers, Goffe says that “in April 2008 Oprah confessed to seizing original works of authorship” and published on the internet the first draft of his work “A Tome of Poetry” under another title “Pieces of My Soul.”

The claimant says the website in question is no longer live.

The suit also alleges Oprah sold over 650 million editions of the work online for $20 a copy which “calculates for 1.2 trillion dollars!”

Look, I don’t know whether Oprah stole this work or not, but I have a great deal of trouble believing even Oprah sold 650 million editions of anything for any amount of money, let alone $20. For comparison’s sake, just over 300 million people are currently living in the U.S. So this implies that Oprah got over twice the U.S. to buy an online book for $20. Even pre-recession, that’s insane and would never happen. I’d be surprised if the Bible sold more than 650 million copies last year. Stupid lawsuit, moving on now.

The news broke on Tuesday night that Paula Abdul won’t be returning to American Idol, and Wednesday the news outlets scrambled to capitalize on her departure. How many angles can you take? Well, Reuters has a piece on how the Idol ratings are going to continue to slip now that Paula’s gone. E! used it to address the issue of women’s compensation in Hollywood and later did a piece on Paula’s upcoming role in Lifetime’s Drop Dead Diva. Not to be outdone, the AP has an interview with Simon Lythgoe regarding whether or not Idol can still be good without Paula (after much rambling, he says it can).

Over here on Evil Beet? We just want to know where we can tune in to play “How drunk is Paula”? Lythgoe says he’s considering her for a job on So You Think You Can Dance. That would give me the first reason to start watching that show. Wherever Paula’s live and on drugs, there you will find my television. (And, yes, that’s a 20-year-old picture of Paula above. I found it and I think it’s funny.)

Congrats to Ashley Judd, who somehow manages to be an Angelina Jolie-style without making a scene of it, Angelina Jolie-style. The actress has enrolled in the Harvard Kennedy School’s Mid-Career Master in Public Administration (MC/MPA) program. The MC/MPA is designed to “increase the knowledge and skills of well established, high-performing professionals, who seek to enhance their public service careers or to move from the private sector to a leadership position in either the public or non-profit sectors.”

Former program graduates include Mexican President Felipe Calderon, Singaporean Prime Minister Lee Hsien Loong, Mongolian President Tsakhiagiin Elbegdorj, and UN Secretary General Ban Ki-moon. Ashley Judd may not be elected valedictorian, but her classmates will definitely vote her “Easiest Name to Pronounce.”

Jon Gosselin talked to In Touch magazine to set the record straight on how his marriage ended.  I thought they were taking a 45-day break from talking about each other to the media?  Oh, he’s such a man of his word.

I tried to parse the most important parts of the interview from this week’s edition, but it’s all truly so good.  He wanted to work on his relationship with Kate (the original Kate) and she wanted no part of it.  That’s when he decided to start dating multiple women.  You know, I’m calling bullshit on that.  All Kate does is sit in their front yard — and by the way, don’t they have a back yard? — looking sullen while he works on his suntan in St. Tropez.  I’m sure the reason she decided to be done with their marriage is because she learned of his wayward dick.

But you know, it’s not his fault, guys!  It’s not his fault!  

Okay, here’s the interview:

What is the biggest difference in your life now, compared to a year ago?

Let’s go back to October of last year — that’s when all of this happened. Kate basically came to me out of the blue and said, “I am done. You are going to live your life, and I am going to live my life.” I was like, “What?” I didn’t really know what was going on. When she said that, I was really upset and nervous.

Why did she want to break up?

I think she initiated the split because she wanted a career. Maybe I wasn’t sure what I wanted to do, and she was going to move on regardless. I said, “Are you sure about this?”

Did you want to work it out?

Yes, I asked, “What do I have to do to mend the relationship? What did I do wrong?” I was beating myself up about it. So I read a lot of books about personalities, like The Five Love Languages. Throughout the marriage, I felt like my personality had changed a lot. In December, I went to therapy. I asked Kate to come, but she didn’t want to. She said, “If you have a problem, go fix it.”

When did you and Kate start living separate lives?

We went to Utah on January 1. On January 12, she flew back with security and I stayed. That’s when I started to just hang out and meet people, and feel free. Not too many girls, just with my guy friends. I couldn’t do that for nine years. When I came back on the 17th, Kate and I weren’t talking. So I just said, “I’m moving out of the house,” and that was it.

“I don’t regret anything I’ve gone through…. I don’t know what the future holds, but I hope that my life, as it is now, doesn’t change. I’m very happy and comfortable—it’s a great place to be in. If this article comes out and we’re not together, I’d still love [Tony], and he’d still be a huge part of who I am today.”

Jessica in a pre-split interview with Glamour mag for their September issue.