Their PR chick sent ‘em over, and some of them are pretty sexy. Except for the one Scott Baio’s in. But please check out the one of Shaq, whose right hand basically spans the length of some chick’s torso.

I was just thinking about this tonight. You know, I’m tired of people saying there’s no way to tell how big a guy’s penis is until you get his pants off. There’s pretty much a direct relationship between hand/foot size and penis size. Like, I’d say you can predict with about 95% certainty how large a guy’s penis is going to be by checking out the size of his hands. Why isn’t this more common knowledge? Why are girls always like, “It’s so unfair, they know how big our tits are, but we don’t know how big their penises are.” Yes you do. Look at his hands. Here’s my theory: The media is predominately run by men with small hands.

I’m trying to decide what my favorite moment of the Teen Choice Awards was. Fox actually cut one of my favorite moments, where Dane Cook asked where Vanessa Hudgens was, she raised her hand, and then he told her she needed to put some clothes on. It’s in the clip above. Ahhhhhh ha ha ha ha ha! OMG that’s so funny, Dane! Get it? Because she’s had naked photo scandals twice now? I can’t think of a wittier approach to the situation. I love this clip not because it disses Vanessa (I don’t really care about that), but because it makes Dane Cook look like the lame douche that he is.

My other favorite is the clip below, where Miley Cyrus practically confesses her desire to lick Britney Spears’ feet as she presents her with the Ultimate Lord of the Universe and All of Time and Space and Malibu surfboard, and then Britney comes on stage with half a broom stuck on top of her head and runs away from Miley as quickly as possible. She then mumbles like two sentences into the microphone as quickly as she possibly can and gets offstage as fast as possible, like her Xanax is going to turn into a pumpkin if she doesn’t take it before midnight. In fairness: her legs look amazing the whole time.

Tough day for ol’ Jonny Goss. First his ex-wife dogs him on the Today show and now Kate Major, the blond Star reporter he briefly dated after returning home from France with girlfriend Hailey Glassman, hit up E! News today to tell all. The interview that follows does nothing but reinforce how pathetic this whole situation is.

“We had plans to travel together, to live together and to be together,” Major says of her whirlwind romance with the reality dad. “He made his decision in the Hamptons. He wanted to be with me.”

Just last weeek, Gosselin reportedly said his relationship with Major was strictly platonic.

But according to Major, 26, Gosselin told her he was going to break up with girlfriend Hailey Glassman, 22, in order to be with Major, and as a result, Major resigned from her job as a Star magazine reporter to avoid a “conflict of interest.”

“He told me he was going to Massachusetts to break up with her,” says Major. “I know the truth. He knows the truth. Unfortunately, she did not.”

Still, Gosselin and Glassman are claiming they never broke up—Major says this is a lie. “He tried to two-time both of us,” says Major. “He wasn’t honest with Hailey. He needs to man up and tell the truth. I’m not going to be the other woman.”

And Major kept venting, insisting she has proof that she and Gosselin were “romantically involved.”

“I was not the only one who was around when we were romantically involved,” says Major. “We were holed up together. It’s not like we were just sitting there doing an interview.”

Major says Jon was even the one who asked her to quit her job.

“I was with the person I was reporting on…It was a huge conflict of interest,” says Major. “He’s the one who actually told me to quit my job.”

Major also tells E! News:

On the Fallout: “It’s been a nightmare. I did not want to have to do this…I have to speak. I did not want to have to sell him out but when he makes me look like a liar, a fool and an idiot. I have to speak out.”

On His Getting Back With Hailey: “In no way did he tell me he was going to go parade with his ex-girlfriend.”

On Moving On: “This whole experience has taught me so much. When I had Jon’s support, it was hard. Now that I don’t, it’s even harder.”

The rest of the interview will be appearing tonight on E! News, but I have a feeling that if we’re talking about a woman who “learned so much” from this whole thing, than you’re not missing out on much if you decide to leave the house instead.

First off, let me say this: Miley Cyrus was not pole-dancing at the Teen Choice Awards last night (the actual show airs tonight). But unless Fox opts to cut away for the part around 1:08 in the above video, that’s all anyone’s going to be talking about tomorrow. Let me tell you what I assume happened: Miley was supposed to ride around the stage in that stupid pushcart and maybe do a few dance moves. The pole was on the pushcart so she didn’t fall off. Miley got on the pushcart, grabbed the pole, and immediately started to grind on it, almost like a reflex. Then she heard the audience’s reaction and she was like, “Oh, shit, I shouldn’t be grinding on a pole at the Teen Choice Awards. I should save that shit for Nick. Or Justin. Or whoever I’m sleeping with right now. I forget. Bradley Cooper’s pretty hot. Wait? Where am I?” and by the time that little reverie was over she was already off the pushcart.

Guarantee you that little move wasn’t in the original choreography.

Still. I ::heart:: this girl so much. Years and years of fun, she’s gonna be.

It was discovered last week that Michael Douglas’ son Cameron, 30, had been arrested for dealing meth. The drug arrest was less shocking than the size of it, as Cameron sent about a pound and a half of meth via FedEx, an amount valued around 18 thousand dollars, at least on a couple occasions.

Supposedly it wasn’t too hard to bust Cam, as this is something he had kept up for years. Make the meth, package and ship it across the country calling it “bath salts” or “pastry” and get paid. Unfortunately, the DEA caught on to his ways after several of his former pals and employees ditched him out. As of right now, the authorities are still staying silent on whether or not Douglas is still being charged or even if he’s still behind bars.

Normally I would rather squat down on Robertson Blvd and pee in the middle of the day than use a photo stamped with Perez Hilton’s logo, but in this case I’m making an exception. Jaime Pressly squatted down on Robertson Blvd and peed in the middle of the day after drinking heavily at gay hot-spot The Abbey on Sunday. Yes, people got pictures. One is above.

Let me say something about this that perhaps Perez Hilton doesn’t know — the women’s bathroom at The Abbey is a fucking joke. There are, as I recall, two or maybe three stalls, and you can never get into any of them because girls lock themselves in there for thirty minutes at a time to do lines, and as soon as a stall opens up, the girls who actually work there get priority to use it. Honestly, the women’s bathroom line at The Abbey is usually 20 people long and it doesn’t move. So, in that regard, I understand why she’s peeing on the street. Still. There are plenty of nearby bars and restaurants where she could have gone, especially during the day when everything’s open. This woman has a child. Next time, drink a little less, James.