What do you think of this glittery, shredded trash bag — how’s that for an objective opinion? — that Holly Madison wore to a Vegas premiere Wednesday night?  I think she was aiming for some sexy, buxom woodland sprite vibe and fell far short.  I wonder if she’s hiding that Travelocity gnome under her dress.  Hmm …

Anyway, what do you think?  Is this spectacular high fashion or Charo in a blender?

Omarosa begins her studies on Monday at United Theological Seminary in Ohio as she works toward obtaining a doctorate in ministry.  That’s right folks!  The Apprentice reality television “star” who made a name for herself by backstabbing anyone in her wake, has found God in a big-time, career sort of way.

The associate dean of the school thinks O — not to be confused with Oprah … I can’t believe she didn’t trademark “O” — is the perfect candidate for the ministry.  Thanks to all her evil-doings, she’ll be relatable to her congregation.  Personally, I’d like to take this moment to say a small prayer for O’s right and completely wayward implant.

It just keeps getting worse for the Gosselin family.  As the ratings show, America is sick of these two who couldn’t either find a way to keep it together for their eight kids or part in a truly amicable fashion.  Last night:  big fight at chez Gosselin.

There are a couple different versions of the chain of events.  Radar reports that Kate showed up at the house during Jon’s scheduled time.  That’s a no-no.  He wanted Kate to leave, she wouldn’t, cops were called.  INF Photo, the agency who was there taking pics, reports it a little differently.  According to the paps, Kate showed up at the house, upset because Jon had an unauthorized babysitter there with the kids.  She was locked out at the gate, screaming, cops were called.  No matter what, the show clearly needs to be renamed Jon & Kate Plus Hate.

Either way, the end result was that Kate checked into a Days Inn in Reading after eating a fast food dinner in her car.  I find Kate Gosselin’s reality — even if it’s one she created herself — to be a sad one.

Any guesses as to whom these puffy lips belong?  

(more…)

Fox has released a couple of trailers for Octomom:  The Incredible Unseen Footage, a special airing on August 19.  I’m not sure if I’d call this footage “incredible” as much as I’d call it “totally fucking terrifying”.  You’ve been warned, if you are on the fence about having children, do not watch the second video.  Or, even better, if you want to have children, just don’t have 14 of them in a seven-year span.

It’s so clear that the reality has finally hit Nadya Suleman.  I just want to say to her, “Really?  Now you’re getting it?  Now you’re realizing that your kids are so beyond fucked?  What do you think Gloria Allred, Dr. Phil and all of America were trying to get you to understand?  Eight kids born at once to a mother of six is never a good idea!”  Okay, end of judgmental rant.  I’m off to find my uterus that ran out of the room screaming after I watched these clips.

Phelpsy and I have a cosmic connection. Let me explain: I was in a nasty car crash last week. Then, tonight, I was at this dueling piano bar and there was this totally wasted chick and she was hanging over all these guys, but there was this one she was paying the most attention to, and I realized his face looked exactly like Michael Phelps, but his body wasn’t exactly Phelpsy quality. And then I turned to my girlfriend and relayed my observation. And then I Twittered it, because when I have an important thought like that, it’s crucial the world know immediately.

But then I started getting all these tweets back alerting me to the fact that Michael Phelps got in a car wreck tonight! ZOMG! Phelpsy was practically in my bar and then he got in a car wreck just like me and this is definitive proof that we are soulmates.

Phelpsy’s Cadillac hit a Honda Accord and what sounds like a third parked car. Nobody was seriously injured and, shockingly enough, police say there was no sign alcohol was involved. Good for you, Phelpsy! Driving sober for once!