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Last Saturday was my birthday. Incidentally, thank you for the onslaught of well-wishes that many of you sent me through email, Twitter, and Facebook. My husband made gluten-free cupcakes and family gathered ’round. I hemmed and I hawed and couldn’t decide what my birthday wish should be. My kids are healthy and happy, my spouse is great, I love what I do. So I wished for the only logical thing: That Jon Gosselin would finally fall off into the pit of obscurity. Apparently, it was a powerful candle-blow, because that exact thing might be happening.
It could be a pre-emptive strike if TLC is going to fire him for violating the morals clause in his contract, but Gosselin told Us ”I wish I had a 9 to 5 job instead of the nightmare I’m living. This is 24/7. I don’t even want to do taping for the show anymore.”
Sadly, Jon has no escape unless he can find an IT company that’s willing to a) allow him to wear Ed Hardy t-shirts to the office and b) pay him $75,000 a week to manage their network. ”I have two houses and eight children to take care of and I need to work.”
So, I know the economy is tough, but are there any takers? Really, you’d be getting an adequate computer dude and you’d probably become the most beloved corporation in all of America if you would just hire Jon Gosselin. Take him off our hands, please!
When you think about it, isn’t it sad that the Gosselins get paid a huge sum of money — and need to keep doing it to pay for their house — to do what the rest of us do for free and off-camera? Parent.
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18 Responses to “I Blew Out The Candles … And My Wish Came True”
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This has been my bitch about these two idiots from the beginning… I wish I could be so stupid…. they have twins… then go nuts and have sextuplets… allowed to be filmed in a 1 time tv spot… then let the craziness begin with their family; all the while just bringing in the $$… they could have gone more conservative on their home and lifestyle; but no, they are TV stars now… big house, big toys, big vacations. She’s a screaming lunatic, he’s a whipping boy now set loose on coeds everywhere… I just don’t feel bad for him… Though I want to see a show with him and Michael Lohan, omg, that would be ‘must see tv’.
I would’ve gotten the giant house with tons of property. 8 teenagers take up a lot of space, and when I think of buying that kind of house, to be honest I’m picturing grandchildren too.
But all the the other crap that you do just because you’re wealthy was not necessary. It doesn’t last forever the way the house should.
I love your practical nature.
Are…..you……sure……you’ve……expressed…….yourself…….Beet Czar….?
this is just waaaaay too close-up of a picture. Just too much… and he has TWO girlfriends? What?
fatty, fat, fatty. lol j/k But its kind of funny how kate hounded him about his weight and as soon as they split he is dowing the cheatos and beer.
“I love what I do”. If only your readers could say the same.
Happy Birthday!, you fucking idiot.
Seriously, why do you come to this website?
Because nobody talks to him in real life. This is pretty much it for Jerzy. Say stupid shit and wait for people to (finally) notice he’s alive.
hehehe (my comment is too short)
You are right Alzaetia. Thank you so much for replying to my comment. You have validated my existence for the day. Thank you so much.
What kind of name is Alzaetia anyways? Are you the daughter/son of a Kuwaiti camel herder?
I, for one, thought your comment was fucking hilarious dude. I’m going to request “Happy Birthday, you fucking idiot” to be put on my tombstone. Hilarious!!
*talking slowly and patiently*
It’s an internet name… It’s not my real name.
Wow…..really? I use my real name. Actually it is Shlomo “Jerzy” Perlmutter.
Do you really think that I thought it was your real name? What does it mean? It has to mean something. You do not just pull a name like “Alzaetia” out of your ass.
I can’t stand her either Jerzy. lol What a bitch.
Hey, belated Happy Bday! I don’t think Jon has a comp sci degree so chances in this economy of a guy with no degree and 8 kids to suck the employee medical plan dry in 6 months is not going make him in high demand. Even if he worked what would he pull in, 75k tops? Maybe if he was lucky as hell. He’s a goof who has been chumped by Christian Audigier, Michael Lohan, and so hobag from Star Magazine, he’s as sharp as a pool cue.
I wonder if he might just have to crawl back to the wife and be a permanent whipping post just to stay alive. Karma is a bitch.
All I know is, the dude better not fucking starch my shirts anymore.
Wendie, I was gonna offer to get you off for your birthday, but I’ve eaten a bunch of wheat this week and would hate for you to have an allergic reaction to my love milk. Maybe some other time. Moo.