The impossibly beautiful Halle Berry has been spending time at a beach in Miami with her impossibly beautiful boyfriend Gabriel Aubry and their impossibly beautiful daughter Nahla.  Could these three be more attractive?  It’s just not, well, possible.

I hope this isn’t true, but according to new reports, Britney was caught by her conserva-dad popping pills and washing them down with Red Bull.  A source said, “Britney was definitely trying to get high by taking too many diet pills and energy drinks.  Jamie thinks the combination of the two is making her whacked-out and, causing her to lash out in weird angry rampages.  Britney uses green-tea supplements, [Lab 88’s herbal ephedra-free] Metabo Speed XXX, Dexatrim and apple cider vinegar to control her weight and energy levels. She also pours those 5-Hour energy drinks into her Red Bulls.”

Oh, Brit.  I hope you can get better for yourself and your kids.  Please don’t turn into the next MJ!

There are a few “celebrities” who have their pictures show up on the paparazzi wire almost every day.  Shauna Sand is one of them.  And I always want to write something about her just so you can all see the ridiculous photos.  However, there is never a story to tell about this petrified piece of acrylic  — though Kelly managed one a couple weeks ago and I was very jealous – other than talking about how she used to be married to Lorenzo Lamas years ago.   And I know that none of us care about Lorenzo Lamas, but it’s imperative to talk about all things not King of Pop related, okay? 

Now I’m in a dream-like state — all the planets have aligned in my favor.  Years after her marriage to Lamas — seven years to be exact — a friend of Lorenzo’s has come forward to revealthe reason why the two split.  According to Lamas’ friend, Sand slept with Lorenzo’s son A.J. who was 18 at the time.  I don’t really see anything wrong with it.  Blended families can be a tough dynamic and if a bj to the legally aged stepson brings everyone together for the holidays, so be it.  Of course, his personified porn star of a stepmom must have scarred him for life because he went on to date Lindsay Lohan.

I would like to thank the “unnamed source” who helped me realize a dream today.  May Shauna now quietly melt back into the background.

Miley’s back to being Miley, lounging around looking all sexual.  Remember when she was in Vanity Fair and she had a kinda, sorta ambiguous slutty, “I Just Got Out Of The Shower, Thanks For Having Me” look going on?  Is thispic of our Christian and virginal Miley taken for August’s Elle blatant enough for you?

Anyway, Miley’s working hard plugging her new clothing line that she’s been working on in partnership with Max Azria.  I love when people take their non-essential projects and try to attach serious social meaning to them.  I’m going to use her exact quote to ensure that I don’t miss a “like.”  She said, “The jeans are my favorite part of the entire line.  Because, like, literally this is going to be good for, like, Middle America, and it will be great for kids that really want to be in fashion but that don’t have it available.”

Yes, Miley.  Good stitch work, dark denim and five-pocket styling assembled by child labor workers is exactly what Middle America needs right now.  She’s, like, our saviour.

Here’s a heavily-adorned Boy George outside his London home as he took a break from filming the video for his new single, “Spoiling it for the Others.”

Dr. Arnold Klein — the rumored bio-dad of Paris and Prince — appeared on Good Morning America today, where he grinned and stated that “to the best of my knowledge, I’m not the father.”

He continues to say that “I don’t want to feed any of this insanity that’s going around,” which is FOR SURE not what he’s doing by appearing on national television and giving vague answers about the paternity of Michael’s children. Bravo, dude. Way to take the high road.