“My dream role would be to play music legend Carol Channing in a biopic of her life.  I love her, I really do. She’s amazing.”

Johnny Depp in a Mirror U.K. interview, discussing his dream role.  I’d also like to take this opportunity to make a quick and silent prayer that this never happens.

TMZ is reporting that Orlando Bloom’s home was burgled and $500,000 in jewelry, including two very valuable watches, was stolen.  Bloom wasn’t home at the time.

My initial reaction to these stories is always the same:  “Who leaves a half-million dollars in jewelry on their dresser?”  Seriously.  However, TMZ is also reporting that police state that this is not a typical and random crime.  Translation:  It’s probably an employee who did the stealing.

Either way, let’s hope a)  Orlando gets his possessions back and b)  Orlando gets a safe!

I’m just kidding y’all!  Jessica Simpson is “sad, mad and confused” because she just listened to some of her past CDs and can’t figure out how she ever became famous.  Ack!  Kidding again!

Jessica Simpson is “sad, mad and confused” over being dumped by Tony Romo.  Apparently she never saw it coming.  Which certainly leaves me a bit confused.  Everyone in the world knew it.  How could she not?

Here’s a life lesson:  If you are telling anyone who will listen that you are getting hitched, but the guy isn’t giving you a ring, a date, or a plan, he’s not marrying you.  Why is that so hard to understand? 

Anyway, Jess, chins up!  It just means Mr. Right is still out there waiting for you.  Probably at some Texas chili cook-off.

Remember last year when Katherine Heigl withdrew her name from consideration for a Best Actress Emmy nomination for her role as Izzy on Grey’s Anatomy?  Well this year, though her character was dramatically battling a brain tumor, she didn’t receive a nomination.  You piss on the Emmys, you can expect to pay the price for seasons to come.  The Academy of Television Arts & Sciences will never forget!

It seems like the nominees named were pretty much as expected except no recognition for Battlestar Galactica.  Okay, who else was missing off the list?  Did anyone else get the royal shaft?

The full list of Emmy nominees can be found here.

I have days that I feel down.  I’ve had about 21 consecutive days like that.  Until today.  Today I woke up and was restored in my faith.  Reassured of God’s love for me.  It was today that I realized there really is a light at the end of any tunnel of darkness.  He speaks to me, He sends me signals.  Sure, my miraculous messages may come via a less traditional method than Virgin Mary sightings on a Pringle or Amy Winehouse opting for water over vodka, but I consider Mischa Barton’s “medical situation” to be on the same level of divine significance.

Okay, this is what is being reported:  Police in L.A. were called to Mischa Barton’s home for a non-emergency medical situation.  They are currently working on assisting her. 

Now, let me break down what that means:  Police in L.A. were called to Mischa Barton’s house because of neighborhood complaints that a coked-out Mischa was sunbathing naked next to their hydrangeas.  They (the police) are currently working on getting her a bed at Promises as well as securing trauma counseling for the affected neighbors.  Expect an Exhaustion/Dehydration/Food Poisoning statement to be released later this afternoon.

Above, a short trailer from Mischa’s The Beautiful Life.  Look at the expertise she possesses in popping palmfuls of pills.  It really leads me to ask – The Beautiful Life:  Drama or Documentary?

I’m completely obsessed with this interview Jamie-Lynn Sigler did on Jimmy Kimmel this week. First off, I’m blown away that she’s still dating Jerry Ferrara. Don’t get me wrong, Jerry seems like a cool guy, but he’s a far cry in the looks department from AJ DiScala or Scott Sartiano. But I guess it didn’t work out with those guys, so she’s trying something different? Whatever makes you happy.

Jamie also dishes about her addiction to Tiger Woods Golf on Xbox, which I find hilarious. She says she plays up to four hours a day, and spends the whole time thinking about things she should be doing. I guess Jerry also has his friends in Brooklyn spying on her on there, so he always knows when she’s wasting a day on Tiger Woods. This is especially amusing to me, because back in LA I dated a guy who did the exact same thing. We’d make plans for the night, and I’d come over at the appointed time, and he would not only not be ready to go out, he’d be stoned and on hour six of a Tiger Woods game. That stuff is like crack.