I’m so aggravated right now.  Mischa Barton has been placed on a 5150.  For those of you who weren’t paying attention back when Britney got the crazies, that’s an involuntary psychiatric hold.  I’m pissed.

Quite frankly, in my dating days, nothing could kill my ability to orgasm quicker than a guy saying he wanted to get married.  It’s like, once that boundary was crossed, I could never “go there” again.  I’m not sure how my husband dodged that bullet, but whatever. 

The same theory applies with celebrities.  It’s all fun when it’s DUI’s and sex tapes but once they go into a mental hospital I feel like I can never really make fun of them again.  Britney pulled this crap with me and so did Susan Boyle.  Now, my all-time favorite target has betrayed me as well. 

Mischa will get better.  She will get out of the hospital.  She will go on to “star” in  more direct-to-DVD movies and less than mediocre series television shows.  But, it’s like the seal has been broken.  Now that I know about the fragility of her mind, it feels like picking on the handicapped or a child of Tori Spelling.  I just can’t do it.  Please, help me overcome this invisible barrier of decency.

I.  Am.  Depressed.  Oh, and a big thanks to Jennifer for emailing me about this and basically ruining the rest of my life.

I promise you, it’s short, sweet and doesn’t involve any lawsuits.  Yet.

TMZ has uncovered a recording of  a song titled “A Place With No Name”.  It was recorded by Michael Jackson in the past few years.  Now, if you don’t have speakers, or you’re at work and can’t listen to this track right now, it’s America’s “Horse With No Name” but with different lyrics.

Take a listen here and by all means, let me know what you think!

This is really sad!  A stage that was being constructed in Marseilles, France collapsed today.  Seven workers were injured and one was killed.  There has been no confirmed word on how the accident happened.  Some reports claim that the roof was two-thirds complete when it became unsteady and collapsed.

Madonna was quick to release a statement:  “I am devastated to have just received this tragic news.  My prayers go out to those who were injured and their families, along with my deepest sympathy to all those affected by this heartbreaking news.”

Sunday’s Marseilles concert has been cancelled.

I was laughing so hard when I heard that Lohan’s movie Labor Pains was going direct to DVD that I didn’t hear the news that ABC Family picked it up.  It’s airing Sunday!  So get out your best Colombian and gather ’round the set!

When Linds was asked about her role, she confessed ”I love Thea’s Character because she’s very clever. It’s very easy for her to lie and get away with things, which is interesting to watch…”  Oh, I agree.  It is so interesting every time Lindsay tries to tell us that her Twitter account has been hacked into.  So.  Very.  Interesting.  And hey, click that link because Linds also talks about how hard it is to work a job in your twenties.  I’m not even kidding.

Olympic gymnast Shawn Johnson appeared at the Espy Awards last night clad in something that can only be described “the exact same dress my 1970′s Marie Osmond Barbie wears.”  Shawn:  a)  Who is your stylist?  b)  Does your stylist hate you?  I’ll give you a clue:  The answer to Part B is “Yes.”

There were a bunch of athletic-y, sports people there — probably because the Espy is a sports award – whose names I have in the picture file extensions.  I recognize very few, but I was surprised to see Mike Tyson and Evander Holyfield at the same event.  Word has it that Tyson was chasing Holyfield around with a fork in one hand and a salt shaker in another.

Dara Torres –I think she’s an Olympic swimmer — has me very upset.  Or, more appropriately, her toes have me very upset.  What the hell is wrong with those things?  Her toes are completely disproportionate in length; her foot looks like it’s taking the Boy Scout pledge.

Venus Williams wore a dress purchased at the Bea Arthur’s Closet Memorial Silent Auction, and Brooke Burke had a very unfortunate pastie moment — you have to be a perv and look really closely to see what I mean — that made her look like she belonged on the cover of National Geographic.

Condi Rice attended — I don’t know why — and Michael Phelps was there with his mom aka Beet’s future mother-in-law.  As an aside to Beet, she’s wearing zebra print.  How bad can she be?

Finally, some football player named Jared Allen attended.  You can’t miss his picture because he’s wearing a cowboy hat, western shirt and chaps.  Look closely, and to Jada Pinkett Smith I say “This is how you are supposed to look right after having sex.”

It’s a rare celebrity that I’ll dedicate an entire photo gallery to, but Courtney Love?  Yeah, she’s worth it.  Courtney spent last night hanging out on a park bench outside a New York City hotel making friends with some random dude.  Now, I know she’s been sober for four years, but I think she’s Mischa Barton brand of “sober”, meaning she doesn’t share needles. 

I’m currently working on securing a two-for-one deal that will get both Court and Misch — yes, we’re on a one syllable terms — into Promises so they can deal with their “medical issues.”  Can I work any more “quotes” into this story?  Good luck to these, obviously struggling, ”artists.”