It’s a super-slow news day, but luckily for us, Hailey Glassman is here to redeem it. InTouch has a bunch more fun photos of Hailey getting stoned and drunk and sloppy. And The Superficial has a fantastic quote from one of her old college pals (wait, is she even done with college yet?):

We lived in Bordner 200 in McNutt during freshmen year at IU. Over winter break the first year she lost 20 pounds.When girls on the floor asked for her secret she said two word…”coke diet!” I also talked with her after sophomore spring break in Acapulco and she told some crazy stories involving her and a certain varsity athletic team.

When push came to shove….she spent all week hosting several football players in her room including then qb Blake Powers. The room was definitely not the only thing she provided (I heard about definite tag team action)… all on daddy’s credit card of course.

The girl started out sweet but got consumed with the drugs, those kids better watch out before there daddy gets addicted to nose candy.

Man, thank goodness for Hailey Glassman. This whole J&K saga was dying down, everyone was staying out of the spotlight, and I was bored. Then comes Hailey and her weed pipe to save the day! I’m so grateful for her. I’m also really, really grateful I went to college in the days before everyone had a digital camera.

Listen, it’s never okay when someone decides to do a red carpet out in the sun on a bright day. Nobody can look good under those conditions. It’s impossible. So Pam Anderson gets a pass on everything here … except the nipples. Like, I know you have a lot on your mind right now, Pam, what with your … uh … and your …. um … whatever, but honestly the publicist who allowed you on the red carpet with your nipples pointing in completely opposite directions should be fired.

Pam’s in Montenegro, holding a press conference to announce her plans to invest in a spa hotel out there. How does that warrant a press conference? You guys, I got a new AC unit today. PRESS CONFERENCE TIME!

Also there with her: Her boyfriend, Jamie Padgett, who I’m told is a SCUBA instructor. I bet Pam’s already taught him a thing or two about how to deep dive!

I have to admit, I like this FunnyOrDie vid Alanis Morissette and Alicia Silverstone did poking fun at indie flicks. But you know what’s going to be even funnier? The actual feature film Alanis is doing with Lindsay Lohan. I’m just saying.

We haven’t heard much from Josh Hartnett recently in the way of, ya know, movies, but you better believe that’s not stopping him from invading the pants of all the models in New York City. (They have their own lounge now, you know.)

Josh was spotted hanging around New York with his girlfriend, Sophie Lie, who’s pursuing a Ph.D. in comparative literature at Columbia University after spending four years in equity capital markets for Goldman Sachs. I’m kidding. She’s a model.

Let me walk you through this:

1) Jon Gosselin and his girlfriend, 22-year-old Hailey Glassman, at the airport in Nice, returning home from their romantic vacation.

2) Kate Gosselin packing her things and getting the hell out of their Reading, Pa. home.

3) Jon Gosselin spending quality time with daughter Mady.

In fairness, I guess there was a short period of time that Jon and Kate were at the Reading home with their kids together, but I think in general as soon as Jon shows up she’s outtie. I don’t blame her, either. I really can’t wait until she starts dating, too. It’s so wrong that I love this drama as much as I do. It’s, like, as much of a goddamn train wreck as my love life is right now, it’s still way better than anything Kate’s dealing with.

Did I ever tell you guys about the time I wore Ivanka Trump’s tank top? So my parents shipped me off every summer to this “camp” outside of Boston — there was nothing “camp” about it, though. We slept in fancy dorms and ate fancy foods and occasionally were compelled to attend “activities,” but basically we just had a ton of free time to wander around and get high and engage in various sexual activities with one another. Needless to say, the camp attracted a lot of kids from NYC’s Upper East Side, and one of them was a close friend of Ivanka Trump. I grabbed a white tank top out of her closet one day because I liked it, and she saw me wearing it in the hall and she was like, “Um, you’re wearing Ivanka Trump’s tank top.” And I was like “What?” And she was like, “Yeah, I stole that from Ivanka and took it here and now you’re wearing it.” Somewhere, I have a picture of a very skinny, strung-out, black-eyelinered me wearing Ivanka Trump’s tank top. Ah, childhood.

Ever since then, I’ve felt a kinship with Ivanka. We shared a tank top, after all. So I’m delighted to hear that she’s maybe kinda-sorta marrying Jared Kushner, fellow heir and NYC wunderkind. Why the maybe-kinda-sorta? Because Ivanka’s not a member of the tribe, and Jared’s mother will not have her son marrying a non-Jew. (He even broke up with her for a little while because she was so upset about it.) But Ivanka’s working on the Jew thing.

“I am studying,” she said of her conversion to Judaism. She’s studying with Rabbi Haskel Lookstein at Congregation Kehilath Jeshurun. “It’s been an amazing and fulfilling experience for me … One of the jokes I first started making when Jared and I first started dating is, I’m a New Yorker, I’m in real estate. I’m as close to Jewish, with an ‘i-s-h’ naturally as anyone can start off.”

Ha. Maybe she ought to talk to Charlotte York. It worked out so well for her.