“You don’t want to bring them home to your house, but I have certain needs. Friends with benefits are awesome. I used to be like, ‘Oh no, you have to be in a relationship.’ But after going through a divorce, I’m like, ‘Life is short, I wanna have a good time.’”

Denise Richards on her frequent no-strings-attached hotel room trysts with male friends

Jon and an unknown blonde went out for dinner and a stroll last night in NYC, jut hours after Jon met up with Kate and the kids for a TLC photo shoot.

I’m not usually of the opinion that a man and a woman  are crossing streams just because they’ve gone out to dinner together–I am neither The Huffington Post, nor the Ayatollah.

However, this is Midlife Crisis Gosselin we’re talking about here, and the blonde’s body language speaks volumes– approximately 750mL of liquid volume, the size of a bottle of Stolichnaya. Correct my translation if I’m wrong, but she seems to be saying, “I’m drunk and shameless.”

Lady Gaga had a boyfriend– the kind who doesn’t like it when his girlfriend makes out with other people. I don’t know why that shocks me, but it does. I just imagine she’s sort of like an angora rabbit that screws anything within humping distance that has a big enough carrot.

But apparently her boyfriend, Speedy (whose real name and identity aren’t known), didn’t think of her that way. He dumped her a few days ago when photos of the Gagster making out with a new “mystery man” were published in the Sun.

Dating Gaga and being shocked and heartbroken when she plays tongue pong with random guys is like using a curling iron on your anal hair and then being surprised when you burn your rectum. Not only is it dumb, it’s just plain weird.

James Caviezel was in a motorcycle accident outside of Leavenworth, Washington yesterday when a pedestrian whack-a-doo threw a bicycle in the path of his speeding Harley Davidson. The Washington State Patrol says the actor was wearing a helmet and suffered minor injuries when he crashed, but that the injuries easily “could have been a lot worse.”

No one knows why the man threw the bicycle at Caveziel, but police speculate he may be suffering from some form of mental illness. (Gee. Ya think?)

This is why you should never, ever put off doing anything (like sky or scuba diving, bungee jumping, or staying at the Jakarta Sheraton) because it’s too dangerous. What’s dangerous is going about the mundane business of living every day life, just so some nutfuck can throw his Schwinn in the street and rob you of the next 40 years of your life.

This is the chick that Orlando Bloom has proposed to, twice. This is also the chick that has turned down Orland Bloom, twice.

These are pictures of said chick, Miranda Kerr, modeling the new line of Victoria’s Secret lingerie.

Now, I drink as much haterade as the next girl who spends a little more time each day struggling  into her size 10 jeans (that seem to be magically shrinking like one of Rick Moranis’ on screen children in a Disney movie). But I’ve gotta say, I honestly don’t find her attractive. She definitely doesn’t have a bad body. But sexy? No.

In fact, the above picture reminds me of one of those creepy, lifesize Japanese sex dolls. (Link shows fake, plastic titties and is NSFW.)

I also think I see some pube stubble peeking out of the top of her skivvies in this one.

But to each his (or her) own, I guess.

Don’t worry, Naomi Watts isn’t dying. She pulled a Gerald Ford when she arrived in Rome today for a short vacation with husband Liev Schreiber and son, Sasha. After tumbling down the steps while exiting her aircraft, Watts was escorted through the airport in a wheelchair by airport staff. However, there are no reports of any serious injury, so it was probably just a liability precaution on the part of the airport.

You can continue with your lives now, knowing that Naomi Watts is hale, healthy, and free to go on being mistaken for Nicole Kidman.