To be fair, Omer Bhatti has been on the scene and claiming to be Michael Jackson’s son for years now.  But now that the King of Pop is dead, Bhatti is asking for a DNA test.  Not to lay claim to Jackson’s fortune  – of course not — but to settle the burning question that lurks in the mind of him and, well, no one else:  Did Michael Jackson father a child 20-something years ago via a Norwegian one-night stand?

Some sources say that Michael referred to Bhatti as his son after meeting him in 1996.  A young Omer wowed MJ with an impression of the singer.  For years, this kid has been living on and off at Neverland Ranch and was seen visiting Katherine and Joe yesterday.

Obviously, Omer Bhatti had some sort of relationship and connection with Michael Jackson.  But biological?  I’m not so sure about that.  

In closing, I’d like to congratulate myself for exercising restraint and not using the term “the kid is not my son” even once.  It was tempting.

I’ve decided to title every piece that I write about the Michael Jackson debacle as “Of Course …”  It’s all so frigging predictable.  The DNA tests, the court battles, toxicology reports, and tribute songs — if a screenwriter was working on a script for the Michael Jackson biopic, this is exactly how it would be written.  Except this constant dramatic merry-go-round of revelations is actually happening. 

Needless to say, there was no shock when I learned that LaToya raced to the studio to record a song about Michael.  Cutting a single — it’s what the Jackson family does.  Now, I’m not an expert in music and I’m sure I’m not using the right terms, so bear with me.  LaToya Jackson’s soon-to-be-released single, “Home” is — hmm … what’s it called? — oh, a studio-manufactured piece of vacuous crap.

As a child who grew up watching The Love Boat, I’m a really big fan of the completely illogical and seemingly impossible reunion that unfolds against the backdrop of the Aloha deck.  Alas, it is not to be for Jessica and Nick.

I never understood why these two split in the first place — this picture was taken nine days before they announced that they were divorcing — but apparently they won’t be doing lunch, even though Nick is recently single and Jessica was unceremoniously dumped by Dallas quarterback Tony Romo.

“I think it’s fun storytelling, but there’s very little truth to any of it,” the singer told PEOPLE at a party at Dusk at the Caesars Hotel and Casino in Atlantic City Saturday night. “I certainly have heard about her breakup and I wish her the best, as I’ve always done. Aside from that, there really is nothing to say.” 

So has he reached out to his ex-wife since her sudden split with Tony Romo? “I haven’t talked to her in probably two years,” Lachey says. “I wish her happiness. That’s where it pretty much ends.” 

You know what wording I find very curious?  ”…but there’s very little truth to it.”  Just enough of a window to keep my hope alive.  Just enough of a window to keep media interested in anything Nick Lachey might have to say.

Noooooooooo!!! NOOOOOOO!!!!

They CANNOT kick Paula Abdul off Idol. They simply CANNOT. I will be devastated. Half the reason I watch that show each week is to play the delightful game that I invented. It’s called “Paula Abdul: How High?” And basically the way you play is you watch Paula “talk,” you watch her glazed eyes roll around in her head, you watch her try to slap Simon and practically miss, and then you write down on a piece of paper how many milligrams of Xanax you think are currently in her body. If the number you’ve written down is greater than 10, you move on to the next round. In round two, you write down on a piece of paper how many milligrams of Hydrocodone you think are in Paula’s body. If that number is greater than 30, you move on to the final round, in which you have to guess how many shots of vodka she’s had that day. If that number is greater than five, you are the champion. Needless to say, I win weekly.

But now word on the street is that Paula Abdul has still not been offered a contract for the new season of Idol — and auditions start August 6.

“Very sadly, it does not appear that she’s going to be back on ‘Idol,’” David Sonenberg, Abdul’s manager, told the LA Times. Sonenberg says he doesn’t even have a proposal for a new contract from FremantleMedia and 19 Entertainment, the production companies behind the show. The new season is scheduled to premiere in January.

“I find it under these circumstances particularly unusual; I think unnecessarily hurtful,” he said of the contract holdup. “I find it kind of unconscionable and certainly rude and disrespectful that they haven’t stepped up and said what they want to do.”

Representatives for Fremantle, 19 and Fox all separately declined to comment.

OK, look, Kara DioGuardi won me over a teensy tiny bit on the finale when she showed up Bikini Girl in her own bikini — that was cool — but she can NEVER replace Paula in my heart. I don’t care how difficult it is to work every week on live national television with a drug addict, Fox — figure out a way! We can’t lose our Paula!

(Meanwhile, Ryan Seacrest’s new Idol contract has him earning a cool $45M over the next three years. The hardest-working man in show business is well-compensated, I’ll say.)

So, I missed Lindsay Lohan’s big return to “film” in ABC Family’s television airing of Labor Pains today, but it’s airing again on Thursday and my DVR is SET, yo. I’m not gonna miss a minute of Lindsay Lohan’s fake pregnancy and real acting skills. However, I know Wendie watched it (yeah, I’m outing you on that) and I expect a full review from her when she starts work in the morning.

But I do have these pics of Lindsay messing with the paparazzi this weekend, stepping out of her house armed with waterguns. I bet she treasures those waterguns. They’re probalby the only thing she’s had squirting at her since the Calum Best days.

Ivanka Trump is officially a dirty Jew. She converted to the religion in order for boy-toy Jared Kushner’s family to allow them to get engaged.

“Jared is my best friend for many reasons,” the heiress said. “I’ve allowed him to see who I truly am and he still loves me. I don’t feel like I have any defensive walls built up around me … He’s a bit of a hero of mine. His ability to remain focused – he lacks an anxiety that’s natural for someone his age handed so much responsibility.”

You can kinda-sorta get a look at Ivanka’s bling in these photos from the Whitney Museum’s party on Friday, and then I stole this close-up from People. Um … not too shabby, ‘vanks! MAZEL TOV! Now that you’re Jewish, how’s about a little Tzedakah? I’ll settle for 10% of your net wealth. It’ll please our God, I promise. And I’ve been negotiating with him for a lot longer than you.