It’s kind of a slow news day.  Well, it’s a slow news day if you’re sick and tired of talking about anything related to Jon Gosselin or Michael Jackson.  And I am.  However, there is a ton of stuff going on in the sports world, so I’m going to do my best to tell you about it.

The UFC league’s — and today I learned that is an acronym for Ultimate Fighting Champion — Kimo Leopoldo has died at the age of 41.  Initial reports are indicating that he had a heart attack, but he also had a long history of drug and steroid use which culminated in an arrest in February in which Leopoldo was wearing a police jumpsuit and playing with a yo-yo.

An employee from Lake Tahoe’s Harrah’s casino has filed suit against Pittsburgh Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger.  I’d like to interject that I did not have to Google Ben’s Wikipedia page to figure out what team he plays for.  I live in Massachusetts — a state dedicated to hating all things Steelers.

The accuser, Andrea McNulty, stated that Ben told her that the television wasn’t working in his room.  When she went to his room to check it, she claims she was sexually assaulted and imprisoned by Roethlisberger.

As an aside, a coworker shared that McNulty was already seeking counseling at the time of the alleged attack, due to a break up with someone who never existed.

Sources connected with the case tell us a former co-worker of McNulty’s at Harrah’s came forward with this incredible story — that around the time McNulty hooked up with Roethlisberger, she was allegedly involved with a married man. The man’s wife, we’re told, created an email account, posing as a U.S. soldier in Iraq. The wife began corresponding with McNulty to gain information. We’re told the former co-worker has said McNulty fell in love with the fictitious soldier and began telling people she was engaged to him. When the wife stopped the correspondence, McNulty then began telling people the soldier was killed in action.

Erin Andrews (seen in picture above), the 31-year-old ESPN commentator that is probably best known for getting hit in the jaw last month by a wayward baseball at a Mets game, is more angry about a video that surfaced last week.  The footage shows Andrews naked in a hotel room and obviously unaware of the presence of a video camera.  Expect to hear more about civil and criminal action on that case.

Whew …we need some happy news:  Barry Bonds’ wife withdrew her petition for a legal separation that was filed just last month.  It looks like she’s getting marital counseling from Sean Penn and Robin Wright-Penn.

And finally, Marc Anthony now has a stake of the Miami Dolphins — another team that I detest.  No word on the dollar value of his share purchased, but we’ll get the dts on that when divorce proceedings commence between him and J. Lo.

This concludes my first and hopefully last edition of sports news here on Evil Beet.

Things are getting back to normal for Britney Spears.  Dad Jamie has asked the courts to review the conservatorship when her tour ends in November.  I suspect that “Daddy is in control” was one of the major clauses that concert promoters insisted upon when scheduling the “Circus”  tour.   Though Spears Sr. cannot actually request for the conservatorship to be dissolved, it looks like he’s hoping that it will be so that Britney can get back to the business of being a normal, decision-making 27-year-old. 

Now that things are settling down with Brit, Kevin Federline is in talks, maybe with VH1, to star in a reality show with his girlfriend Victoria Prince (perhaps Sean Preston and Jayden James as well).  Back in 2008, K-Fed had been approached about a reality show but scrapped the plans because of the struggles that Britney was experiencing.  Kevin’s girlfriend takes online college classes and basically gave up her whole life to move in with K — hard to believe, isn’t it?  According to reports, the relationship between the gal who once had promise and the dude who never showed promise will be a main focus of the show.

Where to begin?  First of all, I was really happy and relieved to learn that Samantha Ronson isn’t trying to make the moves on my Portia De Rossi.  The photo agency had the pics tagged incorrectly, and Sam was actually out to dinner with Drea De Matteo.  That raccoon tail really should have been the giveaway.  Two blondes with a “De” in their name, and a photographer who can’t tell the difference between the two — and I’m actually surprised by how similar they do look —  is all it takes to make a mistake and give me a nervous breakdown.  Speaking of nervous breakdowns, it looks like Lindsay wasn’t too happy about Sam and Drea having dinner together.

X17 has video of Lindsay arriving at Sam’s house at 6 a.m. and pathetically pounding on her door.  It’s kind of sad to watch, but it’s good for us to confirm that Lindsay isn’t getting her act together and is just as screwed up as ever.  Ronson let her in and near-immediate yelling commenced.  According to one of the photogs:  ”As soon as Lindsay was let in the house, her and Samantha began yelling at each other. Lindsay screamed a little bit at first, but then we heard Sam yell at Lindsay to get the f*ck out of her house! She sounded really irritated, and it seems like Lindsay was picking a fight with her over her dinner with Drea [de Matteo] at Nobu last night.”  You can watch the whole debacle unfold here.

It was only this past January that Jennifer Love Hewitt and Ross McCall ended their year-long engagement and the universal question was posed:  Will Jennifer Love Hewitt ever find love again?  Take heart, the answer is a resounding “YES!”

JLH’s boyfriend Jamie Kennedy was on stage Saturday night at the Laugh Factory comedy club in Long Beach — I didn’t even know he was a comedian.  Isn’t that horrible? — when an audience member yelled out that he should marry Hewitt.  Kennedy responded by getting down on one knee and proposing to Jennifer “I Love You For Today” Hewitt.  Thankfully, his request for her hand in marriage fell within her timeline.

Now, Jamie didn’t have a ring since this engagement was so nauseating impromptu, but I imagine they’ll be split up around the time that the ring shopping commences.

Crazy Joe Jackson was on Larry King Live last night and discussed — what else? — Michael.  The elder Jackson was pretty adamant in letting King’s audience know that he didn’t abuse Michael and that rumors of Joe beating his children are somehow related to the days of slavery.  I’m starting to wonder if JJ doesn’t have a little pill habit of his own.

Also, in a seemingly unintentional act of irony, Joe praised his own parenting skills — he made no mistakes — and pointed out that most of Michael’s childhood friends are now dead due to their lifestyles.  Sigh.

In case you haven’t caught me twittering about it recently, I’ve recently become obsessed with HBO’s True Blood, starring the immensely talented and adorable Anna Paquin. I just can’t get enough of it — it’s very creative and compelling and, well, addictive.

I was surprised a few weeks ago to hear that Anna Paquin is in a real-life romance with co-star Stephen Moyer (who plays Bill, her sexy vampire love). But I was even more surprised today to learn that Stephen left his girlfriend of seven years — and their young daughter — to take up with Anna. Stephen’s previous girlfriend was a British journalist by the name of Lorien Haynes, who just gave an exclusive about the break-up to Star magazine.

BUT WAIT! IT GETS WEIRDER!

British rag The Daily News just did a full profile piece on Anna, where the interviewer met her for lunch in LA and everything, and they chatted about Anna’s uber-successful career and the new love of her life:

Sexual chemistry is arguably what has made True Blood such a success. Anna’s Sookie falls for Bill Compton, a vampire whose thoughts she cannot read, played by British actor Stephen Moyer (Ny-Lon, Lilies, Quills). While filming the first series, Anna and Stephen developed a real-life relationship, which they tried to keep quiet. When they eventually went public it was, says Anna, ‘the worst kept secret on the planet’.

These days they are often snapped by tabloids doing entirely low-key couple things such as shopping at Whole Foods and swinging on the monkey rings in Santa Monica. They appear very together, very much in love. Anna is also a firm fixture in the lives of Steve’s two children, Billy, nine, and Lilac, seven. …

As to whether she and Stephen are thinking of having a child of their own, she can’t say. ‘I don’t know how they’d resolve me and my short shorts on the show with a baby bump! So there are a few “not untils” on that one. At some point, when that convenient time, which never exists for actresses, comes – somewhere between now and menopause – I will. I have time.’

So here’s where it all explodes in my head: The woman who wrote the Daily News piece, the woman who sat down with Anna Paquin and asked her to dish about her love life, who talked about her role in Stephen’s children’s life and asked her whether she was going to have kids with him, is Lorien Hayes. She’s the woman Stephen left for Anna. Did Anna know this when she did the interview? The paper certainly didn’t run a disclaimer along with the article. This is like Bridget Moynahan sitting down with Gisele Bundchen and being like, “I’m going to write an article about what a great model you are and how fantastic it is that you’re frequently photographed with my child.”

Ummmmm, WHAT?

I need more info here! Specifically, I really want to know if Anna knew who she was talking to. She must have, right? Why have this woman do this interview? Why would the Daily News not disclose this little fact?

Strange, strange strangeness.