Let’s play “Guess The Drug” today.  Sadly, it’s not an embeddable clip, but click here to watch an interview from last month when Mischa Barton attended the Harrod’s Summer Sale.  Watch all the way to the end so that you don’t miss a moment of slurring, swaying or fake British accent.  When you’re done hearing Misch talk about her fashion icons and super-exclusive handbag line, return here and tell me what substance(s) she is on.  Is that a pot daze or a coke glaze?  

In response to yesterday’s reports that Barton’s The Beautiful Life role was being recast, her rep has released a statement assuring the tens of concerned fans that she will be on set and ready to inhale work on July 31st.  Of course that uninsurable little cash cow will be back at work!

Friends have come forward to explain the reasons behind Misch’s hospitalization.  In an instance of terrifying irony, last year Lindsay Lohan sat down with Mischa and urged her to get help due to her addiction.  That didn’t take, and in addition, it seems that one of Barton’s biggest challenges has been poor body image.  ”She had a big problem with those photos of her cellulite. … She didn’t like it.  That just was something that contributed to her spiraling but she didn’t do much to fix it because of her partying.” 

Well, listen, no one really likes cellulite and cankles but that’s what wide-leg pants were made for.  Embrace them, Mischa.  Embrace them.

“I definitely had a thing with Kristen.  Your first impulse is to ask her for her phone number.”

Robert Pattinson, confirming to Bop magazine that he had some sort of interaction with his Twilight co-start Kristen Stewart that extended beyond on-camera vampiring.

Now that this burning question has been answered, can I return to not caring?

Hailey Glassman has granted an interview to People, in which she shares how thrilled her family is that their 22-year-old daughter has hooked up with a decade-older father of eight.  ”They love him.  They think of him as part of the family. They think things happen for a reason.  The most important thing is if someone fits in with my family … This is perfect. It just fits.”

Glassman also raved about Jon’s cooking.  ”He’s a great cook. He cooks roasted veggies with special seasoning and sauces, and he grills pineapple with a butter concoction.”  I think she’s a college graduate, but I question her intelligence as she classifies grilled produce as “cooking.”  (Actually, I question her intelligence because she’s actively choosing to be the rebound lay to a dude who has more than a half-dozen kids, but whatever.)

Hailey didn’t hesitate in sneaking in a parting shot directed right at Kate Gosselin:   ”I’m a huge believer in not controlling someone.  I’ll give my opinion but tell him to do what he wants to do. He said, ‘I’m just not used to having an option.’ I told him life is about options.”

They’re baaaaack!  After a four-year break, VH1 is bringing back the Divas concert special.  In a press release, the network has announced that they have confirmed Leona Lewis, Kelly Clarkson, Adele and Miley Cyrus for the September 17th event.  Seriously, Miley Cyrus is a diva?  Are you even eligible to be a diva at 16?  They have four more performers to announce and Taylor Swift better not be on that list.  She’s talented and all, but so not a diva.

Who would you have on the list?  Katy Perry?  Lady Gaga?  Pete Wentz?

Harry Potter actor Jamie Waylett pled guilty last week to charges of growing marijuana.  In a move that assures me that special celebrity treatment is a practice that exists both here and across the pond, the actor, who could have been sentenced to 14 years, received a punishment of 120 hours of community service.  

Apparently you don’t get as harsh a sentence if the drugs you grow are for your own personal use.  Or, if you’re famous, natch.

As I mentioned the other day, I just feel like part of my soul has been ripped out ever since Mischa Barton was put into Cedars-Sinai on that 5150.  A life where I feel like I can’t make fun of Mischa is hardly one worth living.  For example, the other day I tried telling a joke to someone about how Mischa was kicked out of a Making a Potholder class over the weekend.  My punch line had something to do with suede fringe and headbands and a crackpipe — as is the punch line for all Mischa Barton jokes — but I couldn’t even get to it … my voice just kind of trailed off …  Where, oh where has my passionate hatred gone?  Oh, what’s the use in continuing?

Anyway, there’s nothing like firing someone from their job when they’re hospitalized for depression and suicidal thoughts.  And though it’s not official yet, it looks like that could be the fate of Mischa and her role on the CW’s The Beautiful Life.

Radar reports:

The CW’s new drama, about the lives of supermodels, is already preparing for life without Mischa Barton, EW reported, in light of her recent involuntary psychiatric hold implemented by Los Angeles police. Alternate plans have the show replacing Barton’s role — that of Sonja Stonean, an experienced-but-fading model, to be replaced by a different character of the same ilk (which casting has already begun for). Barton’s image was still being advertised on the show’s Web site as of press time.

Listen, it’s a pretty well known fact that I’m not a huge fan of Mischa Barton’s.  As a matter of fact, I was flooded with congratulatory emails when she went off the deep end.  But even I question the judgment of a team of producers that want to replace the suicidal druggie now that she’s locked up and getting help.  These are the same fuckwits that hired her in the first place after seeing her audition tape or any portion of her body of “work.”  Like, her “acting” on the O.C. made her bankable but being enrolled in intensive therapy means she’s out on her ass?

I don’t know, I guess we just have to wait and see what happens.  But I was really looking forward to getting high once a week — is there any other way to get through 42 minutes of Misch? — and watching her new show.  It won’t be the same with a replacement.  

Get well soon, Misch.  Real soon.  I “miss” you.