Kevin Spacey stopped by Late Show with David Letterman last night and tried to explain the basic points of Twitter to the completely flummoxed Dave.  After several minutes of Spacey explaining how to text, outlining Twitter etiquette and trying to convince  Letterman that it was a free service, the late night host concluded that it was a waste of time.

If you’re looking to waste some time, follow Beet, Kelly and me.

Two point one million of you crazies watched Lindsay Lohan in Labor Pains on ABC Family last Sunday.  Though two million really isn’t a huge crowd, it was the best rated television cable movie (in the female demographic) that ABC Family ran all week.  What does this mean?

Let’s talk about what it doesn’t mean.  It doesn’t mean it was a scintillating plot and it doesn’t mean that Lindsay Lohan should be preparing her “I never expected this” prime-time Emmy award acceptance speech.  It means that women are catty and women tuned in to see just how bad Linds was going to be.  Unlike a certain root vegetable that calls herself a fan yet forgot to watch, I flipped by a few times but then my retinas started flaming and I had to turn it off.  I may have Tweeted that it was more painful to experience than a crowning head.

I’ll keep you posted on how the ratings look for Lindsay’s next project slated to air.  Oh, wait …

Billy Joel is dating.  Again.  Already.  You may recall that he and wife Katie Joel announced their split just last month.  According to Page Six –and take it with a grain of salt because they’re on my shit list right now for making me believe that Jennifer Love Hewitt was engaged again — Billy is seeing The Young and the Restless actress Alex Donnelley.  Page Six’s source says that the two met backstage during one of Billy’s concerts and now spend time together at Joel’s Sag Harbor home.

Don’t people take any post-breakup recovery time anymore?  I always need at least three months of cyber-stalking, drive-bys and Fritos for dinner before I’m ready to move on.  I guess I’m just not as resilient.

It looks like Leann Rimes’ married boyfriend, actor Eddie Cibrian, is finally free to see other people, since his wife dumped him on his ass.  I’m happy for him.  I find that lifetime commitment puts such a damper on dating.  His wife, Brandi Glanville spoke to Us magazine about the split.  ”Eddie and I have decided to take some time apart.  I want to do what is best for our children. Eddie and LeAnn[Rimes] deserve each other.”  I love when scorned women speak to the media!

And really, Glanville should be pissed.  Last month a second affair was uncovered.  It seems that prior to Eddie hooking up with Leann on their Lifetime television movie set, he was seeing Scheana Jancan.  She’s best known for giving interviews where she talked about her “relationship” with John Mayer.  And by “relationship” I mean “one night stand.”

Anyway, back to Rimes.  After four months, Glanville’s husband was still secretly seeing Leann.  They would meet up at the home of Jeff Berger — he’s a longtime friend of Leann and her husband Dean.  So, you know, obviously the rumors about Leann’s husband being gay must be true.  Why else would a family friend offer up his home so that his friend’s wife can have clandestine meet-ups with her married boyfriend?  I can’t even believe I wrote that sentence.  These people totally exhaust me.

Man, we need some decent celebrity gossip!  Isn’t it time for Katie Holmes to admit that she’s pregnant with an alien?  

Meanwhile, I’ve been reduced to stories such as this.  Folks, the Taco Bell chihuahua, Gidget, has gone to the big chalupa in the sky.  Yes, she died from a stroke at the ripe, old age of 15.  

Earlier this year, Gidget’s trainer, Sue Chipperton revealed to People that the pup was so low maintenance, “…it’s like looking after a plant.”

No word yet on, errr … funeral arrangements or tribute concerts.

I just had to show you this week’s People magazine cover.  Discussion continues about Twilight actor Robert Pattinson’s love life while Walter Cronkite, the most trusted man in America, gets sent to the corner.  What the hell is wrong with this country?