Doing press for his World War II movie Inglourious Basterds, Brad Pitt granted an interview to the German magazine BILD.  He spoke about his personal philosophies regarding a higher power and deftly side-stepped questions about his sex life.

BILD:  Do you believe in God?
Brad Pitt (smiling):  No, no, no!

 

BILD: Is your soul spiritual?

Brad Pitt:  No, no, no! I’m probably 20 per cent atheist and 80 per cent agnostic. I don’t think anyone really knows. You’ll either find out or not when you get there, until then there’s no point thinking about it.

 

BILD: Angelina told me once about your giant bed where all eight of you snuggle up?

 

Brad Pitt: Yes we have a 3 metre wide bed, but even that isn’t big enough. They all come crawling in in the morning. It’s just about surviving! We all have sleep deprivation.

BILD: Do you find the time to make love?

Brad Pitt (looks puzzled): What?

BILD: Is it sometimes just the two of you?

Brad Pitt: Yes we make time for ourselves. It’s very important for every relationship.

 

See?  This is why I cannot understand Brangelina.  Angelina Jolie is trying to save the world, one orphan and one beige dress and one condescending smile at a time.  Brad Pitt, on the other hand, is like, “Yeah, a little lower.  To the left.”  Where is the compatibility?

And in case you’re wondering, yes, those are the flames of hell in the background of this picture.

Dita Von Teese has a drink named after her, now that she’s the new face of Cointreau:  The Cointreau Teese.  It’s made with Cointreau, apple juice, lemon juice and violet syrup — looks super pretty, sounds super gross.  You know that you’ve officially arrived when a hospital wing, a Marc Jacobs handbag or a cocktail has been named after you.  It’s really the hallmark confirmation of fame.  

Last night was the launch party, and Dita was there in her trademark burlesque look.  Also there, Jewel in a maxi dress, Perez Hilton looking like the asshat that he is, and Solange Knowles who offended a bunch of people this afternoon by Tweeting “Salute to the vagina power!  Dita Von Teese is haute!”  The use of the term “vagina” is really upsetting to people in 2009?  

Totally unrelated to Dita, but now Solange is typing All. her. tweets. like. this.  Do you think she got that from me?  She’s ranting about something — the most I can gather is that she thinks black women are imprisoned by their hair.  I’ve been sending her Tweets back like: “What. the. hell. are. you. talking. about?” and “Are. you. crazy?”

Tommy Chong was there looking like he had the munchies, as was Margaret Cho who was looking great.  Wilmer Valderrama showed up wondering if anyone had seen his “career” run by and the incredibly hot Mayte Garcia — she was married to Prince for four years, but somehow managed to have her marriage annulled — made an appearance as well.

The. End.

Jon Gosselin has some tough lessons ahead and it appears that he’s going to learn them the hard way.  Beet reported last night that he had a new date, Kate Major — I call her “Kate Major-Ly Insane” — who happens to be a writer for Star magazine.  Today, that situation is spiraling out of control.

Jon maintains that he only had dinner with Kate (not his wife Kate, obvs) and she, in return, is claiming to be in love with Jon.  She said of their less-than-seven day involvement,  ”I didn’t mean it to happen, it just did.  I went to do a story on Jon and ended up falling for him.”  Did I mention that she also quit her job today, now that her relationship with Jon presents a conflict of interest?

Jon — remember that he also has a crazy 22-year-old girlfriend to keep in handbags happy — told a friend, ”Oh my God, I can’t believe she did this to me.  What do I do? She’s totally (bleeping) me over?”

Jon, you’re an idiot.  You had dinner with a Star reporter and now you’re shocked that the morning after she’s telling everyone she rode you like a pogo stick?  History repeats itself; this isn’t a novel concept.  At this time, I ask you all to please Google the following:  Frank Gifford Hotel.  Oh, cripes … let me make it easy for you.  Click here.

There has been a lot of media coverage about Paula Abdul’s contract negotiations for the next season of American Idol.  She’s even Tweeting about how no deal has been reached.  I suspect that there will be a last minute, hail Mary type deal which will ensure at least one more year of  Paula “I Swear There’s Just Water In My Product Placement Coca-Cola Glass” Abdul.  But if it doesn’t pan out the way I and millions of others hope that it will, I think Jimmy Kimmel has a brilliant idea.

On the opening monologue of last night’s show, Kimmel proposed a new game show vehicle for Paula, called What the Fuck is Paula Abdul Talking About?  It was an idea that started out as a joke, but I would actually totally watch that.  Paula, if the money is there, I say “Go for it!”  

Stay tuned to the end of the clip, where Ryan Seacrest briefly appears with a seemingly afro’d child on a spoof promo for Are you Tanner Than A 5th Grader.  Offensive?

You know how I can’t stand Oprah for her sanctimonious “You Must Embrace My Every Philosophy” ways?  Seems like Tyra Banks, who wants to be Oprah anyway, has been on a diet — she did look terrific at last month’s BET awards — and is making those around her eat healthy too. 

A source close to Fox 411 says that when Tyra eats out, she not only makes healthful selections but insists that those dining with her do as well.  “Most people think she’s joking at first, but then they realize she actually expects them to follow her eating rules too.  She tells them: ‘If I’m not eating it, you’re not eating it!’”

So, what types of entrees can you expect to dine upon when sharing a meal with Saint Tyra?  What else?  Lean proteins, veggies and water.

I’ve decided to adopt this same policy and only allow the people around me to eat what I can thanks to having Celiac disease.  Dear family, say “Goodbye,” to your beer, bread, cookies, oh, and any and all foods that taste halfway decent.  If I’m not eating it, you’re not eating it.

I’m relieved to hear that common sense is finally starting to prevail within the Jackson family.  According to a TMZ source, though Katherine may be awarded technical custody of Michael’s children, MJ’s sister Rebbie will be the one to actually raise them.  She lives locally, has children of her own, has been married to the same dude for 41 years, has lived a relatively scandal-free existence and isn’t selling her story to News of the World.  Oh, and she’s not 80!

Can’t we forgive her for 1984 — see above — and agree that this may be one of the most stable and normal environments for these kids to grow up in?