Last Wednesday Kelis gave birth to the son she was expecting with now-ex, rapper Nas. She followed that joyous day with another bout of good news: she will be receiving just a little over forty thousand dollars a month in alimony and child support. Her former spouse will also be responsible for covering her forty-five thousand dollars in legal fees.

Although the “Milkshake” singer is likely quite happy with the settlement, it seems that Nas may not be as there is already a second court date lined up in September that may change the dollar amount Kelis receives. Or maybe Kelis wants more? Regardless, the pair, who wed in July of 2003 are finally officially over. *SADFACE*

Deadbeats Jon Gosselin and Michael Lohan were seen sucking down cigarettes and observing a polo match together in the Hamptons on July 25. C’mon, guys. I know you’ve got something good for this one…

Candy Spelling is back at it again with the whole “open letter on a public forum to people she has no business talking to” thing, but at this point, it’s what we love her for. Unfortunately, Mama Spelling is once again taking digs at her more or less estranged daughter Tori, referring to her as, amoungst other things, a middle aged reality star. Ouch, right? And that’s one of her more tame remarks.

The letter, which was originally sent to and published by TMZ, reads as follows:

EXCLUSIVE TO: TMZ.COM
TO: MIDDLE-AGED REALITY SHOW STARS (LIKE MY DAUGHTER)
FROM: CANDY SPELLING

I Know many middle-aged people have issues about their parents and their upbringing. I did. My memories didn’t match all those of my mother, and, funny thing, it’s the same way with my daughter.

Life has consequences. What you say is on the record. Other people have feelings.

I have a vested interest in this subject. My daughter, Tori’s, two-part season finale revolves around my granddaughter’s first birthday party and how she has made what seems like an agonizing decision to invite me.

Cue music. Cue sideways glaces. Clue Lights.

I did get an invitation just in time for the RSVP deadline. I’m sure its delivery will be on next week’s episode with some comment about my house or driveway or street or something they won’t like. I wonder if that will be spread out over one part or two. Sigh.

A big party wasn’t how I envisioned meeting my granddaughter for the first time; but, hey, this is Hollywood, and my grandchildren have become reality show props, too. At the time I emailed “yes,” I didn’t realize I was being set up for a two-parter, even though it was clear I was being invited to be part of a segment for my daughter’s reality show.

Spoiler alert. Don’t read this if you plan to sit through an hour of people looking at their watches and saying “she’s late.” I decided my first meeting with my granddaughter should be on home video, not primetime cable; so I emailed that i would not be attending.

Back to other reality stars. My husband taught me that the plots have to be fresh and updated. The same old whining gets tired after a while. Enough complaining about what may or may not have happened during first grade or YMCA camp, or what vegetable you were forced to endure, especially when you are privileged enough to be on TV and get paid for it.

For all the reality show personalities, please remember that real life doesn’t get edited to make things better or worse or get better ratings.

You’re responsible for what you do. Life isn’t just a show. And your families can’t just be props. Make your own season finale without creating conflicts you will regret later.

While Candy does kinda sorta have a point, her public wrist slaps seem reminiscent of a plot line out of one of her late husband’s programs. Seems like this whole family has an unreasonable flair for dramatics. And as long as they keep doing it publicly enough for us to enjoy it, I can’t complain.

Alexis Cohen was more famous for her post-Idol audition rant in which she confidently told the camera that she would one day be victorious, passed away in Seaside Heights, New Jersey after being struck by a car.

Details of the collision are still surfacing, but local authorities report that Cohen suffered severe head, chest and abdominal injuries and that they are still trying to find out more about the the accident.

While Alexis was far from one of the most talented Idol wannabes, she did have, as she put it, “chutzpah” and will be remembered and celebrated by reality TV junkies for her extremely memorable audition, which I’ve posted for you above. Audiences will also remember that Cohen was so persistent that after her initial season seven audition, she came back the following year looking and acting slightly tamer, but still failed to make it past Randy, Paula and Simon.

Of course the Interwebs are already buzzing with the news of her death and there have already been YouTube tributes posted, including the one below which we think pays homage to the spunky singer in a way that she would love.

It’s certainly clear that we’re all Jon and Kate’d out around here, but it’s the weekend so let’s just have a giggle at this hysterical parody of everyone’s favorite crybabies- Chris Crocker and Kate Gosselin.

Put together by the Brooklyn-based sketch group Dr. Coolsex, the most hilarious line in the video comes at the very end. “Money is like tissues.” Why yes, Kate. In a way they are.

While Britney’s parenting has always been questioned, she made an undeniably good call when she told her ex that there was no way their children would be appearing on his new reality show.

K-Fed, who’s signed up to have the cameras follow him and girlfriend Victoria Price, originally hoped that Sean Preston and Jayden James would be featured right alongside him, but Britney put the kibosh on that and has even said she would take legal action to ensure that her youngins are not exposed on television.

This is not K-Fed’s first foray into the wild world of unscripted teevee, as he actually co-starred with his much more famous ex-wife in Chaotic: Britney and Kevin. Let’s revisit that shitshow here, huh?