Playboy Playmate Shauna Sand and on-again off-again boyfriend Romain Chavent sunbathed in Miami this weekend.

Shauna has a textbook case of what I like to call Walleye Tits or Severe Sternum. This occurs when one’s implants wander so far off to the side that Sully Sullenburger could crash land U.S. Airways flight 1549 on the space in between your cleavage.

… and it’s not Paris.

This post was originally titled “Cristiano Ronaldo Snogs a Skank in Las Vegas.” But the picture is a little grainy, so I can’t actually tell if he’s kissing this girl, or smelling her breath, or about to punch her in the face.

Could he be cheating on Paris? Is it possible to cheat on something that has had more penises in it than the bathroom at an all-boys preparatory school?

Betty White dropped by Late Night with Jimmy Fallon this past Thursday to play a little beer pong and outshine everyone in the universe with her geriatric awesomeness. Golden Girls fo’ eva!

Actor David Carradine was laid to rest yesterday at the Forrest Lawn Cemetary in L.A. The funeral lasted for more than two hours and was attended by more than 400 mourners, including Lucy Liu, Tom Selleck, Daryl Hannah, and Jane Seymour.

Carradine’s brothers Bruce and Keith were also in attendance.

A statement released last week by a private pathologist has ruled out suicide as the cause of death. Thai authorities continue to investigate.

It still makes me sad. Listening to the interview Quentin Tarrantino gave to Larry King just a few days after Carradine passed away, I couldn’t help but agree with Tarrantino’s assesment that Carradine was one of those “mad geniuses” of Hollywood. Akin to Christopher Walkin or Dennis Hopper, he was someone so over-the-top and unique that he made any role he played instantly entertaining, regardless of whether or not the film or show itself was crap or quality.

Rest in peace, grasshopper.

I apologize. I built you up with that headline, and I’m only going to disappoint you.

While making a guest appearance on a Spanish talkshow, some freaky unibrow puppets prompt the Tis to give an impromptu lapdance to a Barack Obama impersonator. Aside from some PG-13 titty shaking however, there’s very little “lap” in this lapdance.

I must not be very fashion forward, so I need you to tell me, please: Is that a top?

Lady Lohan partied at the Axe Lounge in Southampton, NY Friday night. Insert obligatory snarky line about drinking and cocaine use here. Lilo had to call in security to stop curious club-goers from repeatedly snapping pictures of her with their cell phones. In their defense, the club’s patrons reported that they were just trying to figure out why that skeleton was wearing an old lady’s handbag around its neck.