See after the jump if you want to know what tonight’s big announcement is on tonight’s Jon & Kate Plus 8.

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The movie isn’t scheduled for release until March of 2010, but the first stills released of Tim Burton’s Alice in Wonderland look absolutely amazing.  I’m convinced that Burton must be slightly insane in that way that geniuses usually are.

Johnny Depp plays The Mad Hatter, Helena Bonham Carter is Queen of Hearts and the Snow Queen role is played by Anne Hathaway.  No picture has been released of Alice yet, but Australian actress Mia Wasikowska (best known for her role on HBO’s In Treatment) stars in the film.

If you click on this link to USA Today, it will take you to a really cool interactive site where you can scroll around a couple of the movie scenes.

Surely, you remember when I was so convinced that Chris Brown was going to get a plea bargain out of this whole Rihanna assault case?  I was confident enough that I said I’d write a 200-word essay on positive things about Mischa Barton if it didn’t happen.  Well, the deal never materialized and I wrote the gut-wrenching piece.  Now, just today, Chris Brown pled the case out.  So, I was right all along that Brown would never pay any real consequences for bashing his girlfriend in the face.  Brown will be on five years of probation and 180 days in a labor diversion program.

What do I get?  I can’t take back the Mischa piece.  Shouldn’t there be some sort of compensation for all the unnecessary pain and suffering I went through?  Perhaps an Everything Bradley Cooper photo gallery.  Hmmm…I deserve something.

If you’ve been proposing to your girlfriend for almost 30 years, and she’s only now agreed to it because she’s hooked up to a morphine drip, that could be considered somewhat ego-bruising.  Not to Ryan O’Neal, though.

Yeah — Ryan and Farrah Fawcett are getting married.  I thought these two married and divorced years ago, but apparently not.  O’Neal  was interviewed by Barbara Walters in a 20/20 episode that will air this Friday, and spoke of his proposal to Farrah:  “I’ve asked her to marry me, again, and she’s agreed.  I used to ask her to marry me all the time.  But … it just got to be a joke, you know. We just joked about it.”

It’s actually really sad.  Now that Farrah is battling terminal cancer, they probably have a whole new perspective on life.  Back in May, Ryan appeared on NBC News and told Meredith Viera, “I know this, that in the last two years I loved her more than I’ve ever loved her – ever.  She’s so much more of a woman … powerful, courageous, fearless and all those adjectives. And I look at her with awe.”

No date has been set at this time.  Ryan said they will marry when Farrah is physically able to either say the word “yes,” or nod her head.

Poor Lady Gaga’s chest exploded whilst performing at the 20th Annual MuchMusic Video Awards in Toronto, Canada.

Also there was Audrina Patridge in a cheap and ill-fitting dress, my fiance Bradley Cooper and the pure Jonas Brothers.  Oh, and I’m totally willing to support Kelly Clarkson in this whole body-acceptance thing she’s got going on, but there must be compromise.  No.  More.  Scarf.  Tops.

Rumer Willis appeared with her chin and Tila Tequila was positively stumped over the one-button operation of the Flip Mino HD camera.

Finally, in an admirable effort of frugality, Kim Kardashian fashioned her dress out of one of the extra costumes used by Fergie’s backup dancers.

Okay, so if there’s one person in this world I really can’t stand talking about it’s Perez Hilton.  He runs a very successful website but I have very definite thoughts and feelings about some of his business practices and ethics.  But, whatever — that’s not what this post is about.  I received quite a few emails this morning wanting to know about this story, so here goes:

As many of you know, Perez went on Twitter this morning asking for the Toronto police to report to the hotel he was staying at, because he stated he had been attacked by Black Eyed Pea’s will.i.am.  His exact Tweet was:  “I was assaulted by Will.I.Am of the Black Eyed Peas and his security guards. I am bleeding. Please, I need to file a police report. No joke.” Does it strike anyone as slightly illogical that the blogger was on his Sidekick sending out messages (and there were a few) to the Twitterverse that he needed someone to call the cops?  My theory is this:  If you can type 140 characters on Twitter, you can dial three numbers — 9-1-1.

Needless to say, Hilton has videotaped a statement where he documents the happenings of the evening.  He refers to w.i.a. as a “heat-seeking missile”, there is lots of crying on the tape, and many “ev-er” and “ne-ver” utterances.  Very.  Dramatic.  I think what I take the most issue with is the fact that, the way Perez describes the series of events, it sounds like will.i.am’s manager hit Perez, not the singer himself.  Oh, and Perez’s video isn’t suitable for work thanks to his curse-laden tantrum near the end.

I also want you to watch will.i.am’s two videotaped statements, viewable here and here.  Isn’t it interesting how factual and calm he seems to be?

I don’t doubt for a moment that Perez Hilton got punched in the face — it was only a matter of time.  Do I think anyone deserves to be physically assaulted?  No.  Do I think Perez Hilton has culpability for escalating a bad situation by screaming at someone calling them a “fag” and a “faggot”?  Yes.  Do I think he owes will.i.am an apology for Tweeting that the rapper assaulted him, when it sounds like it was a Black Eyed Pea employee that did the punching?  Ab.  So.  Lutely.