Dear Christina, there comes a time in every woman’s life when gravity has fully introduced itself to her body.  This.  Is.  Your.  Time.

Also, after inspecting 62 pics of Ricci at the Los Angeles Film Festival, I have concluded that the streak down the front of her dress is neither a wrinkle nor a pattern in the material.  In the past month, this poor girl has lost her bra, her washing machine and her finace.

Megan Fox was nice enough to swing by on her way to a toga party — God, why can’t she find a better red carpet move than blowing kisses? — and Josh Duhamel was looking intense.

Taylor Momsen was cute if not a little cheap looking and someone forgot to tell me that Aubrey O’Day is pregnant — please let that be the explanation for what is on her body.

Lily Allen dined at Nobu in London last night donning a platinum blond wig.  Why do celebs wear Frisbee-sized sunglasses and completely obvious wigs when trying to appear incognito?  It’s like saying “I’m pretending I don’t want to be detected but I’m so relieved all the paps that my publicist called are here!”

Audrina Patridge, the artist formerly known as “Ceiling Eyes”, has a pilot deal in place with MTV.  It’s another “reality show” that will document her personal and professional life.  Basically it’s a single-size serving of The Hills.

There is only one upcoming project that sounds less fascinating than Audrina’s yet-to-be-titled show, and that is The Social Network — yep, apparently some yo-yo thought we wanted to watch a film that tells the story of how Facebook was born.

Amy Winehouse is basically in St. Lucia almost all the time, save when her court dates require her to return to London.  Now, she wants to live there as a permanent resident.

If St Lucia’s former governor Jeff Fedee has his way, the residents of the Caribbean island will not roll out the welcome mat for the Rehab singer that’s in need of rehab.  Fedee wrote a letter to the St. Lucia Star in which he characterized Winehouse as a “tattooed reptile” who would bring “untold human suffering” to the island.  He continued on by stating, “I would strongly urge she be denied residency status to purchase property in St. Lucia. Is she being given special treatment? She’d be a menace and a dangerous influence to our society because the demons that inhabit her tortured body will have to be fed.”

When you are defined as a purveyor of “untold human suffering” is that considered rock bottom?

What in the Courtney Love of God is going on with this train wreck?  Love was seen yesterday on the streets of New York City looking like a concentration camp victim.

So I started researching to see what other than heroin Courtney has been up to lately, and supposedly she’s doing some Hole reunion — and I fully admit that saying “Hole reunion” brings out the adolescent 16-year-old that lurks within me.  There’s just one problem:  Her Hole bassist Melissa Auf der Maur knows nothing of it.  According to Auf der Maur:

“We have not been in touch too much,” Auf der Maur recently told Explore magazine. “We’ve been in touch this year after 10 years of no contact, I will say that.” Though Love remains her “soul sister”, Auf der Maur said her contributions to Love’s new album are due to the involvement of producer Michael Beinhorn, who also worked on the final Hole record.

“Michael Beinhorn and I had an incredible working relationship on Celebrity Skin,” Auf der Maur said. “And he called me and asked me if I would sing on [Courtney's] new solo record – which is what I understood it was. And I said ‘Yes’ because I enjoy working with him and … well, she and I have a history of making music together. And I’m happy to visit her again in the future.”

But rights to the band name aside, Auf der Maur believes this isn’t a Hole project. “I think you can’t take a Hole reunion that lightly. It’s gonna take a little more organising than just ‘I’ll come and sing some backups and then we got Hole.’”

Initially, Nobody’s Daughter was to be a collaboration between Love and songwriter Linda Perry. Unhappy with the results, Love scrapped those sessions, travelled to London and teamed up with English guitarist Micko Larkin, formerly of Larrikin Love. Their collaboration – still officially a Courtney Love solo project – was initially scheduled for a January release.

Instead, Love declared that Nobody’s Daughter would be Hole’s first album in 11 year, despite the absence of band co-founder Eric Erlandson and Auf der Maur’s merely tangential involvement.

We could sit here for days and try to unravel how things work in the fun mirror that is Courtney Love’s brain, but her former band mate summed it up best:  “She’s a nutbag…”

A couple of things here:  Obviously, just what the hell does Chloe Sevigny think she’s wearing?  Ankle boots, patchy tanner and cut offs — really Chloe?

Secondly, Chloe wore this charming little gem while hosting the Launch of the Nightlife Preservation Community.  I Googled this organization to see what it was all about.  I thought it had something to do with protecting endangered nocturnal animals or something like that.  Alas, this group is dedicated to a different type of philanthropy…preserving nightclubs.

From their website:

Restaurants, bars and nightclubs are being threatened by special interest groups and unjust and unproductive laws that promote an anti-nightlife atmosphere. Whether you work in the industry or reap its benefits, NPC needs your help to keep New York City culture and nightlife alive.

As a nightlife preservationist, you will have access to important information about political candidates who support and understand the importance of a vibrant New York City restaurant, bar and nightlife economy. We need your support before the “city that never sleeps” turns into just another sprawling bedroom community.

Yes, suburbia must be rallied against at all cost!  There are too many jobs to be lost if New York City starts erecting condos and Targets.