I know you probably worked really hard over the past few days coming up with a suitable portmanteau for the Selena Gomez / Taylor Lautner romance, so I hate to tell you that you probably won’t be using the words ‘Taylena’ or ‘Seletay’ anytime soon. Which is probably a good thing because they both sound like some kind of tapas involving chickpeas and raw fish.

E! online is reporting that Selena Gomez and Taylor Lautner are “just friends.” Selena’s Wizards of Waverly Place co-star, Jennifer Stone, insists that, “Just because they’re hanging out together doesn’t mean they’re dating, you know…They’re just friends. She’s friends with guys!” Which is a good point. I’d look like the wildest whore this side of the Mississippi if every time I hung out with a guy friend people assumed I was dating him.

Still, I don’t usually jump on the backs of doods that I don’t have a least a little non-platonic interest in. Actually, I don’t usually jump on the backs of any doods anymore, but 16 year old me totally would have.

In other Twilight coupling news, Ashley Greene recently denied that she’s dating Jackson Rathbone, but smirked and stuttered a little bit when she did so. Her publicist then wandered up and said that the two “seriously” weren’t dating, which could either mean “they seriously aren’t dating” OR “they aren’t dating seriously” — which are two completely different things.

Oh so sad. Brittany Flickinger, who won the first season of Paris Hilton’s stupid BFF show, was kissing random dudes outside Katsuya last night for the paparazzi. Someone must have tipped her off that Jay-Z and Rihanna would be there. I think Paris Hilton’s contractual obligation to be seen with her has ended. Now Brittany’s pursuing the spotlight on her own, with only a really tacky dress to help her out.

Heh.

I know I mention on here occasionally just how freakin’ dumb the photo agencies are. Every single day, I see photos from these people that are mistagged or misspelled or just plain wrong. It’s like, “You were right there. How on earth did someone convince you that the teenage girl in the apron is Matt Damon? Do you even know what Matt Damon looks like?” But I deal with it, because they’re a part of this job.

Every now and then, though, there’s a little typo that’s really a true gem — and you have to wonder if it’s genuinely a typo or if they just know something you don’t. Above find my favorite of the year so far.

Ha ha ha ha. JK, you guys, JK. But Rihanna was spotted out with Jay-Z at Katsuya last night. No Chris Brown or Rihanna in sight. They’re obviously not dating, though, and I’m glad Rihanna’s spending some time with someone who I think probably has her best interests in mind.

Mostly, though, I’m running these photos for a single, selfish reason: I HAVE to know what Jay-Z’s shirt says. Can anyone figure it out?

First off: My sincere apologies for the crazy downtime this afternoon and for all the problems people were having getting the site to refresh. I think (hope?) we’ve resolved them for the time being, and we’re continuing to look at improvements that will make the site run faster and have less downtime. Thank you for those of you who emailed me to report an issue — I appreciate it, because sometimes everything looks fine on my end but it’s not working fine for everyone, so it’s useful when you guys email me to let me know. It is way better to get those emails than the “OMG U R UGLEE & UR FORHEAD IS HUGE” emails, which are sweet, but not really as actionable. (Is there even a surgery for forehead size? I will email Audrina Patridge about it. If she tracked down a doctor who could fix her ceiling eyes, she is clearly capable of anything. And I’m inexplicably on her blogroll, so she obviously loves me.)

OK. So back to the important business.

I haven’t watched Grey’s Anatomy in years, mostly because when Katherine Heigl is on the screen I just want to slap somebody, and since I live alone I was afraid I would start injuring my cats. So you’d think I’d be delighted to watch this footage of her close to death in the 100th episode — and I guess I am, kinda — but even though she’s dying she’s still annoying as hell. Seriously. This trailer of Izzie dying annoys me. How is anyone on this planet not annoyed with the Izzie character?

Anyway. Yeah. Izzie’s dying, Denny’s ghost is off to jump the shark again usher her to the netherworld, Derek and Meredith are getting married, and the truth is I’m probably never going to watch this show again. Katherine Heigl ruined it for me forever.

My long-lost little sister has just released a new video for her single “The Best Day.” It’s all home movies of her with her parents and her brother.

ZOMG! Total ridiculous cuteness. I just adore this girl so much.

“Spider!”