Let me confess right up front that I am a brunette who dyes her hair blonde. Personally, I think that there is something about hot brunettes that makes them so much hotter than hot blondes. But I just can’t pull that whole “sultry” thing off, so I dye my hair.

Lately, there have been far too many attractive dark- haired celebrities going crazy with the peroxide bottle. The latest casualty? Good Charlotte singer and Nicole Ritchie Baby Bump-maker Joel Madden.

This look gets a big thumbs down from me. I think it looks orange and fake, and really washes out his face. But what do you think?

When Billy Bush from Access Hollywood interviewed William Shatner recently, he had the presence of mind to show him the trailer for the new Star Trek movie, which Shatner had somehow not yet managed to see.

For those of you not in the nerd loop, George Takei (who played Sulu in the original series) and Shatner have had an ongoing feud for the last decade or so. It sounds a lot like a 4th grade schoolyard fight (like most celebrity feuds) with Shatner claiming that Takei is just mean to him all the time and Takei taking pot shots at the Shats and his larger-than-life personality every time he goes on a talk show. Shats is still upset that he didn’t get invited to the wedding.

I’m upset I still have to wait 5 more days before I can see this movie.

I had never heard of N-Dubz, but that might just be because I’m out of the loop when it comes to top 40 music. Considering that their single is currently number one on the UK top 40, I’m guessing that some of you guys will know who this is and will care that their lead singer, Tulisa Contostavlos, has been hospitalized with a suspected case of H1N1, or swine flu.

The singer became ill and fainted while on a flight to Greece. After presenting symptoms consistent with H1N1, she has been isolated in an Athens hospital and is currently undergoing tests to confirm that she has indeed contracted the swine flu virus. Her manager has no idea how she could have become ill, but says that “the nature of being a singer is that you meet and shake hands with a huge amount of people.”

Both the manager and other N-Dubz band mates are showing no signs of the illness.

This weekend, everyone’s favorite human ashtray, Amy Winehouse, was granted a court order banning paparazzi from coming within 100 yards of her north London home to take pictures of her. Which is okay with me, because unless crack has a home delivery service, she’s got to leave there sometime.

Upon hearing the court’s decision, Amy was so overcome by methamphetamine fumes joy that she passed right the hell out. Actually, she was in a different country and probably had no idea what was happening in the courts back in England… or anywhere, for that matter.

The trouble-plagued British songbird was hospitalized for dehydration on Friday in St. Lucia, where she’s headlining the annual jazz festival next week.

Her spokesman confirms that Amy spent the night in the hospital after fainting at her Caribbean home. He said that prior to passing out, she was “running around” with children and failed to drink enough water.

Headlining the Jazz Festival?? Oh, that’s right! When she’s not accidentally tipping over pots of half-cooked ready rock and horribly burning herself, she makes music or something sometimes. I had completely forgotten.

And now it’s that time of the day where we make you feel good about your life. Because no matter how you’re doing financially, politically, or romantically, at least you’re not Courtney Love. She posted this rant about… something (cacti? complimentary colors? flying cars?) today on her Myspace blog.

Me Blog Big today, no blog after!

orris look it up im orris rightbefore they put the enfluerage in and its taken about as long, there was a reasona fter all abnd nbo i bever ever would talk asmack about pamela  , shes im sure doing fine shes just fucke3d byhger managers overhead andthathes opwned bythe Poison Dwarf and that i pimped her to him iom sorry and that shes on my aka list and  has loads of creepyt varainst like p lee anders so is tomnny lee hes also tommy bass and TOMMYT LAW FIRM heh,

Just for fun, I pasted that into Google translator and asked it to “Detect Language” and translate into English. It came up with this:

I like pills and bands!!! Wheeeeeeee!!!

Seriously, does anyone have any idea what she’s talking about here? I think possibly she is defending  how she “insulted” Pamela Anderson by saying she lives in a trailer park, but without using an Enigma machine, that’s all I can work out.

Animal rights activist and former actress Brigitte Bardot has written a letter to to Egyptian President Hosni Mubarak, criticizing the government’s decision to slaughter every single freaking pig in the entire country in an effort to prevent the spread of swine flu. That’s 250,000 pigs! And Bardot is not happy about the prospect of bringing home that much bacon.

“Taking advantage of the global hysteria over the propagation of ‘Mexican’ flu, which has nothing to do with animals, in order to launch a campaign to exterminate pigs raised by a destitute section of the population is extremely cowardly,” Bardot wrote in the letter, a copy of which was also sent to AFP.

On Wednesday, the authorities announced that Egypt’s estimated 250,000 pigs would be culled as the world grappled with the spread of swine flu.

But on Thursday, Cairo said the cull was a general health measure rather than a precaution against swine flu after the United Nations said there was no evidence the animals were spreading the disease.

Egypt’s pig population belongs to and is eaten by members of the Coptic Christian minority. The animals are reared in Cairo slums inhabited mostly by Christian rubbish collectors.

I think it’s impressive that Bardot is concerned not only about the animals’ welfare but also about the human beings whose food supply will be affected by this massive slaughter.

I must confess however, that instead of pondering the religious politics involved in this pig slaughter, or wondering about the transmission methods of swine flu, I’ve just spent the last 10 minutes trying to decide whether or not that’s an areola peeking out in the photo on Bardot’s Wikipedia entry. She’s concerned about the welfare of humans and animals on the other side of the planet, and all I can think is, “Is that an areola? Or a shadow?”