Rehab visits come in waves, like deaths and flu pandemics and vodka poured down Lindsay Lohan’s throat. (Who am I kidding? That last one’s a steady current.) Don’t get excited, though; Lindsay’s not in rehab again just yet. Right now we have VJ Matt Pinfield, who checked himself in last week, and Dennis Rodman, who’s agreed to do outpatient treatment although friends were hoping he’d opt for inpatient.

The former NBA star, who has battled addiction for years, has agreed to enter an outpatient program where he’ll regularly see a counselor.

While it is a step in the right direction, last week family and friends of Rodman, including his former Los Angeles Lakers coach, Phil Jackson, unsuccessfully reached out to the star, who refused to admit himself to an inpatient facility.

“Yes, they tried an intervention, but unfortunately Dennis refused to go,” Rodman’s rep tells E! News. “We all know how amazing he is when sober and we hope he gets there soon.”

Meanwhile, David Hasselhoff was found passed out on his floor by his 16-year-old daughter Hayley. She called her mother, Pamela Bach — from whom David is bitterly estranged — and she came over and rushed him to the hospital. He had severe alcohol poisoning.

A source said a frightened Hayley kept “slapping her dad’s face” to keep him alive. “He was barely breathing when they got him at the hospital … He’s recovering. Pam was his bedside till 4a.m. this morning. This is about the 7th time he’s been taken to a hospital over the last few years with alcohol poisoning. How many visits will it take before he dies?”

Indeed. It’s especially heartbreaking because The Hoff’s tried so, so hard to get and stay sober over the years. I give him a rough time sometimes, but I know it’s killing him to put his daughters through this, and my heart just hurts for this family. What a vicious disease. Expect David to do yet another round of inpatient.

Holy guacamole!

The Washington Post has an interesting article in its Sunday edition about how Disney has been backing away from partnering with junk foods like McDonalds and is instead branding healthier foods like eggs and fruit with familiar faces.

One such product is the High School Musical avocado. When Disney stamps a product with a popular character, such as tween sensation Zac Efron, it “can’t help but benefit from the nag factor,” says Lance Gatewood, the vice president of Disney Consumer Products’ Food, Health & Beauty, North American division. And, when kids are begging their parents for something nutritious, like an avocado, he explains, it’s hard to say no. Parents are happy, growers are happy, grocers are happy, kids are happy and healthy, and, oh yeah, Disney is pleased, too. It turns out that seasonal fruits can be the perfect promotional platform for a film. Last summer’s avocado season coincided conveniently with the fall release of High School Musical 3. Besides the promotional boost, Disney earns back royalties on units sold. And, because of the Disney appeal, more units tend to sell. Sometimes it’s a lot more: Bagged-apple sales went up 47 percent during a High School Musical promotion at Winn-Dixie.

That’s all well and good, Disney, but promise me you’ll keep Zac Efron’s face off bananas in the foreseeable future. At least until his fan base is old enough that we know they won’t be using it as a “learning tool.”

(And yeah, bitches, I made that graphic myself. Don’t be jealous that my mad skillz extend to the visual arts.)

Apparently not everything is complicated with Denise Richards — according to her version, “Take Me Out to the Ballgame” only has one note. That note is “scream.”

Denise inflicted her singing upon the audience during the seventh inning stretch of the Chicago Cubs game this weekend. There is some amusing joke to be made here comparing her singing to the Cubs’ performance, but I’m big enough to admit I don’t know enough about sports to make it. I leave the sports jokes to Kelly. Take your own shot at it in the comments.

American Idol winner David Cook lost his brother, Adam Cook, early Sunday morning to the cancer he had been battling for 11 years. The disease had spread to his spine and the 36 year old father of two was suffering from a large brain tumor.

David Cook made the announcement later the very same day while presiding as honorary chairman at the 12th Annual Race for Hope 5K event in Washington, D.C., an event which raises money to fund brain cancer research.

“I actually lost my brother yesterday to a brain tumor, and I couldn’t imagine being anywhere else right now,” Cook told the crowd. His team raised more than $97,000 for the event. “I lost one today,” Cook said, “but I gained 9,000, and I will be here every year that they will have me.”

Continuing the string of crazy incidents and mishaps that have been the hallmark of Britney Spears’  Circus tour, last night a fan at the Mohegan Sun Arena in Connecticut pulled a Lindsay Lohan and rushed the stage. He was able to get disturbingly close to Britney before a backup dancer began pushing him off stage and security rushed in.

Chances are that it was just some drunken idiot who wanted to be part of the show, but Britney was visibly shaken. She quickly recovered and went on to finish the encore performance of her song “Womanizer”.

I

They already had Donald Trump, Perez Hilton, and Miss California herself, but apparently three giant boobs just weren’t enough for the Miss USA pageant, so the pageant decided to pay for two more.

This past Friday on CBS’s The Early Show, a Miss California pageant official confirmed that the organization paid for Carrie Prejean to get breast implants a few weeks before the Miss USA pageant finals.

California pageant Co-director Keith Lewis stated that “We assisted when Carrie came to us and voiced the interest in having the procedure done…We want[ed] to put her in the best possible confidence in order to present herself in the best possible light on a national stage.”

Apparently building “confidence” means undergoing a potentially dangerous and painful surgery to make your tits bigger. Perhaps I could learn a little something from Carrie. I should probably give up on trying to feel good about the body god has given me and opt instead for the sweetest plastic rack money can buy.

If they wanted her to “present herself in the best possible light,” maybe they should have skipped the silicone implants and tried doing a little Q & A practice session instead.

Also, judging by the picture above, I think the Miss California pageant organization might want to demand their money back. The only boob I see in that picture is Carrie Prejean herself.