Actor Tobey Maguire and wife Jennifer Meyer welcomed a new little face to the family this Saturday.

“I can confirm the Maguires had a baby boy today and the family is healthy and happy,” Maguire’s rep tells Us Weekly.

The couple, who tied the knot in 2007, are also parents to 2-year-old daughter Ruby Sweetheart.

I just thought I’d remind you that they named their daughter Ruby Sweetheart. Like you could forget.

The name of the new baby boy hasn’t been released, but one can only hope that this time the couple will decide upon a name that does not sound like either a Racehorse or a character from Rainbow Brite. Or a stripper. Or a variety of grapefruit.

Adriana Lima used to be my “one.” And I don’t mean “one” in the sense Jack Donaghy meant it on that episode of 30 Rock a few weeks ago. I mean the “one” as in the answer to the question straight people like to ask each other when the party is winding down, they’ve had too much to drink to be able to go to sleep right away, and there is nothing but 1970′s reruns of Soul Train on TV. That is, “Who would you swap teams for?”

For one friend, the answer to that question (his “one”) was David Bowie– which is questionable because David Bowie is not really on anyone’s team, except maybe Iggy Pop’s.

But my “one” was Adriana Lima. I’ve been getting the Victoria’s Secret catalog since I was 17 years old and have always been intrigued by the sultry brunette with the pouty lips.

Lately however, every time I’ve seen her she’s been less and less attractive. It’s not as if she looks terrible. It’s just that she doesn’t look nearly as sexy as she used to. I can’t quite put my finger on it.  She just always looks disheveled. It’s as if there is just something– her hair, her makeup, her posture– that is a little off each time, like a functioning alcoholic struggling to keep her appearance up.

What you see above is what was left of her when she attended the launch of Victoria’s Secret’s new Noir collection this Saturday in New York. In the gallery, you can also see a hilarious picture of her trying to look sexy with a very unhappy pussy.

I’m going to have to find a new “one.”

Ew. Just, ew. Sean Penn and Robin Wright Penn’s divorce was finalized just last week, and it looks like part of the reason for the second split was because Sean just couldn’t keep his fingers out of the Natalie Portman honeypot. The two are rumored to have dated before, but sources now say that they have been back together since mid-March, and Sean’s blatant infidelity was the final straw.

Star Magazine reports that the two have been together ever since March 17th, when they were spotted making out at Sunset Tower Hotel’s Tower Bar.

A source tells the magazine, “She stimulates him in ways no other person has, mentally or professionally. There’s a lot more there with Natalie than any of the other girls Sean’s been with.”

Looks like  Wendie’s hopes for a Sean and Madonna revival are not going to be realized.

The Co-Directors of the Miss California U.S.A. pageant will hold a press conference on Monday to announce the fate of Carrie Prejean, whose tiara has been put in jeopardy due to possible contract violations stemming from public appearances she made with opponents of same-sex marriage and some undisclosed topless underwear ads she made as a teen.

The first runner up in the Miss California pageant will be present at the press conference, if that gives you any sort of hint as to which way this is going to go. Donald Trump has scheduled a press conference for later in the day, when he will talk about the controversy and gross everyone out with his disgusting, perpetually puckered butthole lips.

Even later in the day, the world will hold its own press conference to announce that everyone can now return to their normal state of  not giving a crap about the Miss U.S.A. pageant.

Reports have recently surfaced that while filming for his latest picture, Bruno, Sacha Baron Cohen was hospitalized after suffering a  serious allergic reaction during a botched body hair bleaching session.

A source revealed: “Sacha is committed to as much realism as he can muster in his films. He’d heard that all-over hairlessness is a popular trend in the gay community, so he thought he’d bleach all his hair so it looked invisible.

“But it quickly turned into a disaster. Shortly after having the procedure done he felt a burning sensation and it grew steadily worse.

“He had a bad allergic reaction to hydrogen peroxide, which is a strong bleaching agent. It was so severe around a certain part of his anatomy that he couldn’t sit down for three days.”

Doctors prescribed a soothing cream and antihistamines, but Sacha took days to fully recover, delaying filming for nearly a week.

I question the validity of this report, if for no other reason than than bleaching will not make ridiculous amounts of body hair disappear, it will only turn it yellow. There’s no way you could expect that bleaching Sacha Baron Cohen would make his body hair invisible while filming. Have you seen how much hair is on that body? It’s like a Wookie mated with a Brillo pad.

Perhaps waxing would have been a better option, but he just wasn’t willing to go that far. I don’t blame him. The thought of having the hair ripped out of my hoohah by the roots makes me vomit in my mouth a little bit. I’ll stick to razors, thanks.

64 year old Actress Mia Farrow– who was already about two pounds shy of being in danger of falling through a crack  in the floor–  engaged in a 12 day long hunger strike in an effort to draw attention to the plight of those living in Darfur.

“I have been instructed by my doctor to stop my fast immediately due to health concerns – including possible seizures,” wrote Farrow. “I am fortunate. The women, children, and men I am fasting for do not have that option.”

Airline magnate Richard Branson says that he will take over the fast for the next three days.

I’m sure the people in Darfur are thinking, “That’s nice and all, but can’t you crazy, rich British people just send us some freaking food?”

I have to question both the efficacy and sanity of a sympathetic hunger strike. It’s like showing solidarity with a co-worker who has cancer by chainsmoking, tanning all day, and eating asbestos sandwiches in an effort to get cancer. I’m sure they’d much rather you just drive them to chemo and make them some soup.