“[I would] definitely try to make peace with the countries we are fighting.  I’d go over to them and throw a party, so they could all get together and get along and stop the war.”

Paris Hilton’s proposed peace plan to end the war as mentioned in Tatler magazine.

Wait.  Wasn’t that the final scene in Footloose?

I’d like to propose that, for all future pageants on a national level, the contestants be judged solely on their looks.  Talent, ability to answer questions in an intelligent fashion and ethics have no bearing on the verdict.

After Miss California Carrie Prejean has lied over and over again about nude pictures taken of her, stating that it was “only one time” and that they were taken when she was a teenager (turns out there was more than one photo session and they were taken this year.) she’ll be keeping her crown.

Donald Trump has stated that “if her beauty were not so great, no one would care.”  Ah, what a wonderful lesson to impart upon our youth.  Honesty doesn’t matter when you’re totally hot.  Period.

Hopefully, this is the end of all Carrie Prejean stories.  I suspect it isn’t, but it’s nice to have a dream.

The newest rumor floating around regarding that disaster of a Gosselin marriage, is that Kate Stop Breathing So Loudly Gosselin has been cheating with her bodyguard.  Wait-these people have security?

In this week’s People, Kate defends herself from the allegations of infidelity.

“The next story coming out from the animals that stalk us is about our security person and his family,” Kate tells PEOPLE exclusively. “Already the allegations they’re making about me are disgusting, unthinkable, unfathomable, and I am horrified.”

“These are people who absolutely love us and want to see us through to the end,” Kate says of Neild and his family. “Of course, both of them travel with us at times, and we’ve spent holidays together, because, in this situation, your circle grows smaller and smaller, and it’s very natural to become friends with your manager, your publicist, your security team … they’re the only people you have left. And now they’re coming under fire.”

I think the Gosselin’s are finally getting it.  This is what happens when you open up your life to the masses.  You end up really, really lonely.

With few close companions, and her marriage to Jon hitting a rough patch, Kate says she is terrified that this latest round of stories will drive away the friends she and her family have left. “I’m totally panicking, and thinking, ‘We are going to lose our last set of friends.’ I keep calling them, begging, ‘Seriously, I’m so sorry. Don’t run away from us.’ They keep saying, ‘We’re fine, we’re fine.’ But they have paparazzi in front of their house. It’s so upsetting.”

Most troubling to her is the realization “we opened our world to this,” she says, adding, “but we willingly made a conscious decision to put this out there. Our friends and family did not. I had no idea we would potentially take down the people that we love around us.”

She adds: “It’s like saying, ‘Thanks for your support, let me sic the paparazzi on you.’ It’s very very difficult. It leaves us, essentially, alone and friendless. It’s terrible.

Listen, I don’t think for one second that Kate is ripping off her cotton Hanes Her Ways for her bodyguard.  I mean, wouldn’t his wife question things when he came home and she realized he had been castrated?

So imagine this:  You’re standing outside a hotel and you happen to glance down and see a movie script for New Moon, the Twilight sequel laying in a trash container.  It’s exactly what happened to St. Louis salon owner Casey Ray recently.

Though she could have sold out to a tabloid, and briefly considered it, she ended up returning the script to Summit Entertainment, LLC.  Her reward?  A couple tickets to the premiere of New Moon.

She did retain a lawyer to speak on her behalf who states that Ray would like to retain the scripts to keep as collectors items.  Or, you know, to sell.  Summit didn’t have any comment on that portion of the story, but I’m willing to bet that they threw some money at her to get the scripts back.

So, how did the movie script end up in the trash in the first place?  New Moon actress Anna Kendrick has been staying at the hotel while she films Up in the Air with George Clooney so logically, she’d be the culprit.  And who can blame her for a lack of concentration?  George.  Clooney.  However, her spokesperson-everyone has a spokesperson now-claims that her client would never leave scripts laying around.  Naturally.

Just based on the camera angles, facial expressions of the judges and general editing, I’m convinced that this show is completely rigged.  The producers of Britain’s Got Talent, and I really wish the name of this show was Britain Has Talent, totally know ahead of time when someone with a phenomenal voice is about to take the stage.

The newest in the Appearances Can Be Deceiving series, is waiter Greg Pritchard.  I was completely into his hotness until he opened his voice and sang.  He’s very talented, but you’ll know what I mean the second you hear him sing.

OK. I dyed my hair black. I have an appointment to get bangs cut in on Wednesday, and I have made a note of every time I use the word “like,” just so you guys know I’m aware of it. Does that take care of all recent complaints and related hate-mail? I think yes. My goal in life is to make others happy, ya know?

Also: How do you get black hair dye off of white plaster walls? Just curious.