Is she just going to spend the remainder of her career writhing around in black-and-white with two backup dancers?

Anyway.

I love this song’s lyrics.

Sure, you look at this picture and you’re probably offended by the cheap look of an exposed zipper.  Seriously, has Hayden Panettiere started shopping at DEB?  Sadly, tragic fasteners are the least of Hayden’s issues.

Pantyline has a new tat that she’s been showing off.  It reads “Vivere senza rimipianti,” which is Italian for “live with no regrets.”  Unfortuantely, “rimipianti” is spelled incorrectly; it should read “rimpianti.”  So much for living with no regrets.

You know, there aren’t too many things more devastating than a permanent body ink typo.  Well, unless they announce a Bring it On 6 — that would be more devastating.

As it was originally reported, some random crazy lady approached and began choking Simon Cowell’s ex but not ex girlfriend Terri Seymour after Tuesday night’s American Idol.  Now the nut (who is still in jail with a $52,000 bail around her neck) has been given an opportunity to explain why she put her hands around a stranger’s neck.  And as expected, it’s all Simon’s fault.

I wasn’t cool with Simon Cowell choking Paula Abdul on the show last week and with her crying-out ‘help’ as he did so.  Nobody said anything about that so I wanted to confront him about it because that is not appropriate behavior, is it?

She [Seymour] was taking some photographs with her camera and I knew she was his girlfriend so I went up to her to tell her how I felt. We started arguing and then I put my hands around her neck and started choking her just like Simon had done with Paula.  Then I walked away and I was tackled by the police but I don’t regret what I did because of what Simon did to Paula, nobody seemed to care about that.

Alrighty.  If you ever encounter a woman named Janice Thibodeaux, 33 years old, 5’8″ and weighing 200 pounds, run the other way.  But the best part of this story?  The (alleged!) perpetrator used to be a security guard on…American Idol.

Is it my imagination or does the new Melrose Place look as old and desperate as Kate Moss at a nightclub?  The actors and actresses, the generally hellastic acting, the cheesy set…obviously the producers were very literal when they decided to do a “remake.”

British actress Lucy Gordon, probably best known for her role as reporter Jennifer Dugan in Spider-Man 3, was found dead in her Paris apartment yesterday — two days shy of her 29th birthday.  Unconfirmed reports indicate that the actress committed suicide while her boyfriend slept.

Gordon’s father released the following statement:

The whole family is so proud of Lucy, and we always have been.  We have loved her so much throughout her life.  We called her Lucy because she was the light of mine, her mum Sue’s, and her sister Katie’s lives.  Lucy was a lovely, generous and unselfish person who always gave so much thought to other people and put them before herself.  Mr Gordon said Lucy had been acting since she was a toddler.

Acting was what she had always wanted to do.  She had been acting since the age of two, which was really as soon as she could walk.  She’s always loved being on stage and in front of the camera and she has kept all her naturalness and charm all the way through.  Her career had been just taking off, and it’s a tragedy that it has been cut short so soon.

The death has come completely out of the blue.  Everything about how she died is just speculation at the minute, and we want to concentrate on paying tribute to our daughter.

She has been the most beautiful daughter. We are obviously devastated.

In addition to Spider-Man 3, Lucy also appeared in Frost, Serendipity and a biopic about the life of Serge Gainsbourg (which screened to positive reviews this week in Cannes).

Ex-Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich isn’t able to participate in the ratings disaster-in-waiting I’m a Celebrity…Get Me Out of Here as it would require him to head to Costa Rica for filming.  International travel isn’t an option as Rod awaits his trial for that whole Senate seat for sale snafu.

In another “NBC Executives Are Idiots” move, the desperate replacement for Blagojevich’s slot is none other than his wife Patti.  She wants to appear on the show so that people will know the real her.  Um…is there anyone out there that has any perception of Patti Blagojevich?

I move that this show immediately be renamed I’ve Heard of Celebrities…Get Me Out of Here.