When I went to see the new Star Trek movie I had to sit through a preview for another Night at the Museum movie while wondering why in the hell anyone would make another Night at the Museum movie. It’s like the time I saw a DVD of Taxi 4 sitting on the shelf in Blockbuster– enough people loved Taxis 1 through 3 to warrant making a fourth one.

Likewise, enough people enjoyed Night at the Museum to warrant making a sequel. The latest incarnation, Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian, has the same number of Ben Stillers and twice as many monkeys, which should make it twice as humorous and enjoyable as the last Museum movie, which is still not at all enjoyable or funny because nothing doubled is still nothing.

Most of America, it seems, does not agree with me. This weekend, monkeys slapping Ben Stiller in the face beat out Christian Bale screaming at staffers as Night at the Museum took in $53.5 million in box office sales compared to Terminator: Salvation‘s $43 million.

Say what you want about how Museum appeals to a wider audience, is showing in IMAX theaters, and is the only comedy released in recent weeks, which means it’s not splitting ticket sales with another blockbuster in its genre the way Terminator may be with Star Trek. Your logical arguments mean nothing to me. All I know is that people would rather see Ben Stiller getting slapped in stereo by spider monkeys than watch the latest installment of a classic Scifi series.

Then again, maybe if the last Terminator movie hadn’t been worse than the first Museum movie, there would have been a different result.

I feel bad for fans of pop country. It seems like most of the entertainment industry regards country as a safe haven where anyone whose career is on its last legs can record some mediocre tripe and score some cash — Jessica Simpson, Jennifer Love Hewitt, and now Chris Brown.

After beating the crap out of special lady friend Rihanna, Brown has decided to take himself one step closer to becoming a sad caricature of trailer park life and will release a country song called “Trapped in a Dream” on his next album.

“Maybe we’ll see an appearance from Carrie Underwood or someone like that,” said Robert Allen, a writer and producer who is currently working with the singer. “It’s that kind of song.” Allen further explained that the song is “just feeling like you don’t want that dream to go away. Everybody has a dream and you’re in it, but you wake up and you’re like, ‘Oh, my God.’ You feel like you’re still in that dream.”

More like being trapped in a nightmare.

Knowing what little I know of Carrie Underwood, I think it’s safe to say that she won’t be coming within swinging distance of Brown or his country tune. Maybe he should give Leann Rimes a call? I hear she isn’t too picky about who she partners up with.

The homely singer is getting ready for the final round of Britain’s Got Talent, and she’s heavily favored to win. Amanda Holden, a judge on the show, has invitied Demi and Ashton to attend the final show since the couple are supposedly big fans of the Boyle. She’s even received a personal invitation from her majesty to appear at the Royal Variety Performance– which will be embarrassing if she doesn’t win, since that honor is typically reserved for the winner of BGT.

And in case you were wondering about the sate of the 48 year old’s hymen, it remains intact– a fact that BGT’s promotional team would like you to remember. Because isn’t it amazing that an unattractive middle-aged virgin can sing? It just doesn’t make any sense! You have to be pretty and thin to be able to sing, like 99% of the female artists who have record deals today, right?

Oh wait, no. Actually, what you look like or how much sex you’ve had has absolutely nothing to do with how well you can sing. I’ll leave the oral jokes up to you.

Since late April, followers of Dave Matthews’ Twitter page have been deprived of such insightfull 140 character posts as “I wonder if snail farts smell if you’re close enough to the snail’s asshole to smell something so tiny?”

The singer hasn’t updated in a while and it’s all thanks to Rolling Stone. The music rag recently published an article about “Rock Stars on Twitter” that included Matthews and several of his choicest tweets, such as “Do men wax their balls?”

Matthews had said that “It’s fun to throw random things into the world. Plus it’s nice for an ignorant dude like me to have access to that many people.” But we might all be deprived of his future musings on the nature of gastropod flatulence.

Apparently Matthews had always updated his Twitter from his phone and had no idea how many people were actually following him or reading his tweets until the Rolling Stone article was published. He says he “got paranoid when [he] found out all these people were paying attention to it,” and hasn’t updated since.

Cannes is like the Myrtle Beach of France and its annual film festival the billionaire equivalent of Spring Break. I find it strange to think of Mick Jagger and Quentin Tarantino doing body shots on the yacht of Paul Allen, co-founder of Microsoft, but apparently that’s the norm.  Allen had a string of parties lined up for the week but bailed early on, returning to the U.S. because he “wasn’t feeling well.”

The parties went on without him, but his early departure has once again raised concerns about his health. Allen battled Hodgkin’s Lymphoma in the 80′s and missed a Seattle gala in his honor last fall while recovering from an unidentified “medical procedure.” A source close to him said “He left Cannes because he wasn’t feeling well. He’s fine. He was back in the office on Wednesday. He just didn’t feel like hanging out in Cannes. He does what he wants to do.” Which I guess is the whole point of being worth 10.5 Billion dollars– doing whatever the hell you want to do.

Personally, I can’t understand why you’d not “feel like hanging out in Cannes” on your 416 foot yacht with Tilda Swinton and Dave Stewart. But for Paul Allen it’s probably the equivalent of a Thursday night keg party in your friend’s basement.

I hope that’s the case and he really is doing fine. But typically, mysterious absences and early departures atttributed to not feeling well mean one of two things in the world of the rich and famous: drug addiction or cancer. And I seriously doubt Allen is riding the powder pony.

Earlier this week Nigel Lythgoe, a judge on the reality show So You Think You Can Dance stirred up controversy when he commented that the samba danced by male contestants Misha Belfer and Mitchel Kibel was too effeminate. He later tweeted “The same-sex ballroom guys did remind me of Blades of Glory. However, I’m not a fan of Brokeback ballroom.”

Today he issued an apology and GLAAD seems to have accepted it.

“I sincerely regret the fact that I have upset people with the poor word choices and comments I made both during the taping of the So You Think You Can Dance audition and on my personal status update,” said Lythgoe. “I am not homophobic and it was extremely upsetting for me to be classed as such.”

In Saturday’s apology, Lythgoe both explained his actions and took responsibility for the repercussions. The executive producer stated, “I believe the sexual orientation of an auditioner or contestant is irrelevant. The fact that I have unintentionally upset people is distressing to me and it is obvious I have made mistakes that I must learn from. I trust that my humor will be more sensitive and mindful moving forward.”

A happy ending seems imminent for all, as seen in GLAAD president Neil G. Giuliano‘s reaction to the apology.

“We certainly appreciate the dialogue and the opportunity for Nigel to help further educate people about how words and images matter,” said Giuliano. “His sincere words are appreciated.”

Honestly, I hope that show continues to have controversies from time to time. I really love writing the titles for these articles.