Not that we didn’t already know, but, for the record, Mel Gibson’s rep has finally confirmed that his girlfriend Oksana Grigorieva is, in fact, guaranteed a bunch of his money pregnant with his demon spawn.

In fact, Mel shared the news with his friend Jay Leno during a recent Tonight Show taping for an episode that will air this week — Leno’s last episode as the host of the show. What a fantastic goodbye gift: Another Gibson kid on the loose. The Malibu rehabs are already planning the new wing they’ll be able to build.

“I guess I’m ‘Octo-Mel,’” quipped Gibson, who has seven kids with his estranged wife.

Ahhhhhh ha ha ha ha. You’re so funny, Mel. And by “funny” I of course mean “bigoted.”

I don’t even know what to say. This is so horrible, beyond words.

Mike Tyson’s 4-year-old daughter Exodus is on life support after an accident involving home exercise equipment, the Associated Press reports.

In what police in Phoenix call a tragic accident Monday morning at Tyson’s home there, the girl was reportedly found by her 7-year-old brother with her neck caught in a cable attached to a treadmill. The boy alerted the girl’s mother in another room. Her mother called 911 and tried to revive her, according to the AP. Mike Tyson was said to be in Las Vegas at the time of the accident, but has returned home.

Phoenix police Sgt. Andy Hill told FOX News, “Somehow she was playing on this treadmill, and there’s a cord that hangs under the console – it’s kind of a loop. Either she slipped or put her head in the loop, but it acted like a noose, and she was obviously unable to get herself off of it.”

Emergency personnel performed CPR on Exodus, who was rushed to St. Joseph’s Hospital where she remains on life support, according to the Fox News report. Sgt. Hill described her condition as “extremely critical.”

What an awful, awful accident. It’s the kind of thing that seems like nobody’s fault. It’s just unspeakably awful. Hasn’t this family been through enough? My thoughts and prayers are with the Tyson family right now.

Kristen Stewart, Robert Pattinson, Ashley Greene and the rest of the kiddos descended on Italy this weekend, where New Moon will be shooting on location. Robert flew in from Cannes while Ashley and Kristen flew together from Vancouver. Also in tow: Kirsten’s boyfriend, Michael Angarano, so you can ignore all the rumors about Kristen and Robert having a “romantic” dinner together last night. Her boyfriend was right there.

Ahhh, I remember last year’s Memorial Day fondly. I had just gotten addicted to Jon & Kate Plus Eight, and I was beyond delighted to find that there was a Memorial Day weekend marathon. I had just moved to Seattle, so I didn’t have a lot of friends here, and I didn’t have anything better to do that weekend but watch every single episode. I remember thinking to myself, “Man, that poor Kate. She has no idea how doomed her marriage is.” As an outsider, it was painfully obvious: This relationship wasn’t going to last, and the harder Kate clung to it, the sadder it was to watch.

The following week the show aired its episode about J&K’s Memorial Day — they’d taken the kids to church, then to a picnic, and then out for ice cream. Kate gave her typical spiel about wanting to create traditions and memories for her children, how they hoped to make this an annual Memorial Day tradition for her kids. Oh, that Kate, always planning. You know what they say, right? If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans. What a difference a year makes.

This Memorial Day, J&K+8 airs its much-hyped Season 5 premiere. TLC didn’t send out screeners for the hour-long premiere, because it would have taken all of five minutes for them to leak online. Plus, it’s not like they need any additional help from the media in generating hype for this premiere. I’ll bet the marathon this weekend has seen record numbers already, and the premiere tonight will likely set some new record for cable TV viewership. Everyone will be tuning in to rubberneck as Jon & Kate’s marriage dissolves, leaving eight small children in its wake. Hopefully TLC delivers with a super-juicy episode!!!

Kelly wrote this weekend about how Jessica Biel is going to sing in her new film, Easy Virtue. Now we have video of her recording the track, “Mad About the Boy.”

Thoughts?

Sheesh! Can no woman work with Tyra Banks and then have something nice to say about her? After Paulina Porizkova got the boot from her seat on America’s Next Top Model — citing the producers’ claim that she had an “ego problem” — former judge Janice Dickinson is backing her up.

“That’s how Tyra rolls,” she told MTV News. “Tyra rolls like that, she likes to fire people just about when she’s promising them large amounts of money, they get the axe, like I did … then she takes the money and runs.”

Ouch! Them there’s fighting words! Personally, I do think it’s very interesting that the male presences on the show have gone unchanged over the years, but Tyra can’t seem to keep a woman in the fourth judge’s slot for more than a couple cycles. For all her spewing about how women need to support and love one another, rather than being jealous and destructive toward one another, she sure doesn’t seem to be walking the walk.