So Beet emails me today and says, and I’m paraphrasing here, “Do you want to cover this Julia Roberts story?  I know you have issues with her.”  Isn’t she the politest Managing Editor yet?  What she really means is that I have a completely irrational, illogical and completely inappropriate level of hatred for eighty percent of Hollywood including Julia Roberts.

In my defense, I don’t hate for the sake of hate.  Julia Roberts is a trout-mouthed homewrecker.  And not just a homewrecker, because everyone makes mistakes, but also just a general biznacho.  As expected, she was a study in grace and poise last night as she participated in a tribute to Tom Hanks at the Lincoln Center in New York City.  It went something like this:

“Alright well, it’s late and I’m paying my babysitter overtime and I have to pee.  So Tom, everybody f—–g likes you. All my bits are gone. Listen, I had lunch today with Rita [Wilson, Hanks' wife], and her t–s were here [motioned high] and her waist was here [motioned small] and her a– was like that [motioned high], so what can I tell you that’s new? Tom Hanks, what the f–k?”

Then she turned her aimless rant to a critique of Tom’s body of work:

“I love the Cohen brothers, but the hair Tom [in 2004's Ladykillers], I didn’t even know what the f–k that movie was about!”   [Regarding his movie, The Terminal], “You in the airport with the accent? It was a pass for me. Airport? Were you just an immigrant lost? I didn’t know. I love you, and I didn’t know what to do, really. God, I’m wearing the same f—–g dress tonight as your publicist!”

Then she had to wrap it up so she could, you know, go pee:

“Listen, I’ve got to get home. But this much we know … I will say this: Tom Hanks, ‘I love you.’  It’s so dark out there, I feel like I’m in space.  Thank you, whoever just made it light. [Lost creator] J.J. Abrams, are you here?”

I think that this is a good time for me to reiterate that this was a tribute, not a roast.  Isn’t Julia the classiest and most sober broad ever?

Update: Beet here, interrupting Wendie and her “issues.” :) We have the vid now:

While Taylor Lautner’s rubbing all up on Selena Gomez, Kristen Stewart is quickly putting to rest any rumors that she’s still banging co-star Robert Pattinson: She spent the weekend all up on her actor boyfriend, Michael Angarano, while she’s in Vancouver filming Twilight.

Major UPGRADE for Selena Gomez, who used to date one of those greasy Jonas Brothers (I don’t know which one and it doesn’t matter) and is now rumored to be swapping totally virginal spit with Twilight hottie Taylor Lautner. The two are both filming flicks in Vancouver right now, and photogs have spotted them out and about on more than one occasion, although they always do their best to hide from the cameras.

When they had a break from filming (him New Moon and her Beezus and Ramona), Lautner, 17, picked up Gomez, 16, at her hotel Saturday, and the young couple headed for dinner at the upscale Cactus Club in the town of Coquitlam.

After dinner, they linked arms and walked to a nearby cineplex to see the Beyonce Knowles thriller Obsessed. “They were cuddling throughout the movie and sat very close together,” says an onlooker. “[They were] definitely acting like they were boyfriend and girlfriend.”

Oooh, I would love for these two to be a couple. I just think Taylor’s so adorable and handsome. If I were 16 still, I’d totally be all up on his fang.

Now here’s an interesting story:

Last week, a glitch in the Apple software allowed fans a glimpse at which contestants are selling the most “Idol” downloads — studio versions of the contestants’ live performances — on iTunes each week.

iTunes sales figures have long been kept secret at the insistence of “Idol” producers, who were concerned that sales figures might give away the relative rankings in the popular votes …

Not suprisingly, the leader — by far — is front-runner Adam Lambert, who holds six of the top 10 spots in the Idol chart this season. The haunting “Mad World”– the song that got Simon Cowell on his feet for a rare standing ovation — is the No. 1-selling song so far this year, the iTunes site showed.

But right behind Lambert is Allen, who has three performance downloads on the secret chart. Gokey has just one, his version of “Endless Love” at No. 9. Allen’s slow version of “Falling Slowly” from movie night is No. 3. His bluesy update on the classic “Ain’t No Sunshine” is No. 8 and his tender “To Make You Feel My Love” took the No. 10 spot.

Of COURSE my precious Adam is number one, but I’ve long been bored by Danny Gokey. I think he’s a great guy with a great voice, but week after week I find myself checking my Twitter account during his performances — I’m just not interested. Kris, on the other hand, is slowly starting to worm his way into my heart. I loved him last week, and I finally started to see why he was still around. I also looooove Allison Iraheta, but I know she probably won’t win this thing — which is probably better in the long run for her career, anyway.

Anyway.

What I find the most interesting?

Is that Idol ‘scandal’ stories always seem to break the same day the show’s scheduled to air.

Complete and total adorableness!

Ashlee Simpson-Wentz — who’s lost all her baby weight and THEN SOME — carries little Bronx Mowgli out of a London hotel and onto a tour bus. Ash and Bronx are accompanying Pete Wentz on the Fall Out Boy tour. I guess Ashlee finished filming the Melrose Place pilot that probably won’t get picked up?

At least she has a precious little kiddo!!!

I didn’t think it were possible for me to love Dakota Fanning any more than I already do, but it’s happened.

These pics of Dakota at prom have been circulating the Internet. And as if it weren’t already cool enough that Dakota Fanning went to prom, you might notice that the dress looks a little familiar. It should. It’s the same dress she wore to the premiere of Coraline.

Oh, Dakota. Is no one safe from this crumbling economy?