Evil Beet Gossip is going green today and totally recycling this story as originally reported back in December 2007 when these two crazy kids filed the first time.  They eventually reconciled in April, 2008.

Now here we are.  It’s April, 2009, Robin Wright is still wearing boring black dresses, Sean Penn is still a dick and they still hate each other.  In other words, nothing has changed.

Penn (again!) filed for a legal separation on April 24th.  They have been married for thirteen years and have two sons, Hopper Jack and Dylan Frances.

You know, now that Madonna is single, and every production from the 1980′s is being remade anyway, maybe we can see a Sean and Madonna revival.

It was November 2007 when Prison Break star Lane Garrison was sentenced to forty months in prison for a coke-fueled DUI that left one teen dead and another injured.  Yet he is free today.  I really don’t understand jail math, but his early release has something to do with getting one day off for every day he served or something like that.  Some sort of buy one get one free deal like they have at Payless.

A condition of Lane’s freedom is that he must enter a rehab program.  And really, what better way to catch up with all your Hollywood chums?

Lane, good luck with the reality TV show that you will inevitably participate in.  Let’s hope you can keep your nose clean.  Literally.

Oh, Jon Gosselin, father to many…

Hot on the heels of February’s drunk and cheating Jon Gosselin story with pictures, there is yet another drunk and cheating Jon Gosselin story with pictures.  And before seven hundred and fifty three of you respond with, “That’s not him!” he’s already acknowledged being out at 2 a.m. with his “friend.”

On April 18th, while wife Kate was in Bellevue, Washington peddling her new book Eight Little Faces, Jon Gosselin went to some club called Legends.  Before I go any further, how does a father of eight get to go clubbing?  I have three kids and find it difficult to get to my hairdresser once every ninety days without my darling little encumbrances.  Rant over-back to Jon.  Eyewitnesses at the club say that he arrived at 11:40 and stumbled out a back entrance around 2 a.m.  The term, “could barely walk” was spoken.

Jon was then heard yelling to a woman, “Hey, babe! Babe! Give me my jacket!” before hopping into his Nissan Nismo with aforementioned “Babe.”  Upon being confronted with the flash of cameras, they sped off without turning on their headlights.

As it turns out, Jon was just letting Babe take his unit car for a test drive.  In an emailed statement Jon said, “I went to Legends to speak to the owner. A friend of mine wanted to check out my car, so I let her drive it to her car.  Yes, I have female friends — but that is all she is. I’m not going to end my friendships just because I’m on TV.”

I don’t know what’s going on with the Gosselin union, maybe it is all just innocent, but Jon was also quoted in May’s Ladies Home Journal saying, “I always thought I would be, like, 54 years old and marry a 19-year-old or something.”

Now, if Jon is actually cheating on Kate, she’ll kick his ass out of that $1.3M manse before the next solstice.  I’ve seen her vicious attacks on dust bunnies.  There’s no way she’ll tolerate a cheating husband.  She hardly tolerates a breathing husband.

Ewwwwwww ew and ewwwwwww!

Total scumbag!!!

Just weeks after Mel Gibson’s wife filed for divorce because he’s a cheating asshole loser, he showed up at the LA premiere of X-Men Origins: Wolverine with his new penis clamp, Oksana Grigorieva, who may or may not be pregnant with his child.

It kind looks like someone pulled a Wolverine on this woman’s face.

I take some comfort in the knowledge that his Robyn is going to walk away from this nonsense with a cool $450 mil. I can only hope she uses a portion of that to put a hit out on her douchebag ex-husband.

Well, I suppose this is one way to put the break-up rumors to rest. Despite being hounded this year by talk that their relationship is crumbling, Sarah Jessica Parker and Matthew Broderick announced today that they’re expecting twin girls, by a surrogate.

The couple, who already have son James Wilkie, 6, announced Tuesday they’re “happily anticipating the birth of their twin daughters later this summer with the generous help of a surrogate. The entire family is overjoyed.”

Sarah is 44 and Matthew is 47, so my guess is that they used a surrogate to avoid fertility treatment and possible complications. Still: What is it with the twins? I know multiple births are a possibility when you’re implanting a bunch of fertilized eggs, but do the odds of multiple births increase somehow when the fertilized eggs belong to someone famous? Are the little spermies all like, “Oooh, hells yeah! If I get born to these people, it’s a life of Ed Hardy T-shirts and doing cocaine off a model’s stomach. I better hurry up and get inside that egg!”? Because that’s sure how it looks to me.

As a side note, if we’re spending all this time and effort implanting eggs in a surrogate’s uterus, could someone take 15 minutes out of their day to implant some hair follicles on Matthew Broderick’s head?

Oh, sadness upon sadness.

Those jackasses over at Movieline had to ruin all my hopes and dreams by actually calling Alicia Silverstone’s publicist to ask if there was truth to the rumors about a Clueless sequel.

“I have heard nothing about this whatsoever,” said Silverstone’s publicist, Elizabeth Much. “I would certainly be very surprised if this rumor has any truth to it.”

But THEN they called Amy Heckerling’s rep — you’ll recall that Heckerling wrote the original Clueless and was rumored to be working with Alicia on the sequel — and she was a bit more mysterious: “Officially, no comment,” she said.

Hmmmm. Is this just Amy Heckerling trying to drum up some buzz for herself, or could there be an UNOFFICIAL draft in the works???