This is shaping up to be a lovely Friday!  Kelly should feel so grateful for the rash of “Madonna Goes Crazy, Eats Cheese,” stories that will surely be out to press this weekend.  Okay, I don’t know if this newest blow is of the “consume dairy” category, but it is pretty serious.  Madonna’s secret pain?  She didn’t get her way.

As you know, Madge has been in Malawi for the adoption hearing of a little girl, Chifundo “Mercy” James.  Wednesday, Madonna’s lawyer, Alan Chinula stated that there was no law in Malawi that “can stop this adoption.”  Is there such a thing as a law school refresher course?  If so, Chinula needs to look into one of those because Madonna’s request for adoption has been denied.  There has been no official reason given, but it could be related to her address.

Earlier, a judge who did not make the ruling but saw it and another lawyer present when the ruling was made said Madonna was rejected because of residency rules. Both spoke on condition of anonymity because they were not authorized to discuss the case.

Malawi adoption regulations require that prospective parents live in the southern African nation for at least 18 months.

The residency rule was waived in 2006, when Madonna was allowed to take her adopted son, David, to London before his adoption was finalized in 2008. It was not clear why Judge Esme Chombo ruled differently Friday. Another judge had handled Madonna’s previous adoption case.

It also came to light that Mercy’s grandmother wished to adopt the child and keep her close to family in Malawi.  Madonna responded by indicating that Mercy would be traumatized by a life without a uni-brow, Kaballah water and a team of nannies.

In court papers made public Friday, Madonna said Chifundo’s grandmother was unable to care for her. She promised to make Mercy a permanent part of her family and spare her the “hardship and emotional trauma” of life as an orphan.

The girl’s mother, according to the affidavit, died at age 14 just days after her baby was born Jan. 22, 2006. There was no mention of the father in the affidavit. The mother’s brother is listed as having consented to the adoption.

“I am able and willing to securely provide for Chifundo James and make her a permanent and established member of my family,” Madonna said. “To deny Chifundo James the opportunity to be adopted by me could expose her to hardship and emotional trauma which is otherwise avoidable.”

I don’t know what is better for the child.  Part of me wonders why Madonna can’t adopt another one of the two million orphans in Malawi that doesn’t have a biological family fighting for them.  Of course, also to be considered is all the opportunity that a life with Madonna can offer.  Not to mention all the playdates that can be arranged between Mercy and Madonna’s boyfriend du jour.

Time of death: April 2, 2009

The final episode of ER aired tonight, and I didn’t watch it. This is in keeping with my “No, I Don’t Watch ER” life motto that I’ve had in place since about, oh, 1997.

But I do have questions. Was Eriq LaSalle in it? Were they able to remove that annoying ‘q’ from his name and, after seven hours of wrist-wringing surgery, transform it into a viable acting carer? No? Because Eriq was pretty clear about it in his contract.

ER was a big part of my life during the first few seasons. They can be sincerely credited with pioneering the fast-paced medical drama where the hospital work is at the core and the relationships move around it. It’s been copied so often by now that it’s easy to forget that we had none of this until the late Michael Crichton pitched a show based loosely on his experiences in med school, and ER was born.

I betcha if you pulled George Clooney aside during an interview and asked him to name three major story points from his first season on ER he would be stumped. As would I.

Anywhoooooo, if you watched the finale last night and you wanna talk about it, this is your thread. I’m looking specifically for essays regarding how ER impacted television, film and the US healthcare system. I will annoint a winner later. Go.

There were surprisingly few A-listers at the LA premiere of the new Hannah Montana flick. I’m not sure if they just weren’t invited or if they just didn’t want to come because it’s a stupid movie that Miley’s too old to be doing at this point anyway. Miley was there, looking relatively unhappy about the whole business, and I do wish they’d stop doing lip injections on a 16-year-old.

Thank GOODNESS Taylor Swift was looking fabulous as usual! She stole the show!

Also there: Teri Hatcher and Vanessa Williams — both looking kinda like hell, IMHO — Miley’s dad Billy Ray, and a creature that the photo service has labeled as Demi Lovato, but who looks way older and more whorish than any Demi Lovato I’ve seen. You be the judge.

Look a little familiar? Just a little?

This sorta-celeb was at the Apple Store in NYC Wednesday night promoting his new indie flick.

Do you know who he is? Think real hard.

Jump in for the answer.

(more…)

Jennifer Lopez went leather-tastic for the NYC opening of TOPSHOP, sporting a tiny black dress underneath. Hubby Marc Anthony was by her side. I think Wendie and I should bet money on them. She’s so sure they’re splitsville, and I’m so sure they’re for real. I think if they don’t announce a break-up by the end of 2009, Wendie has to work a week for free. Either that or she has to cover every single story about Jennifer Aniston’s love life in 2010. She’ll do a week for free, I guarantee ya.

Also there: Kate Moss (of course), Blake Lively and supposed ex-boyfriend Penn Badgley, as well as Simon Cowell and supposed ex-girlfriend Terri Seymour.

We don’t see much of the beautiful Liz Hurley these days, but the 43-year-old made an appearance in Oxfordshire today — along with some much younger women — to launch her new boutique. Proceeds from sales of special pink bikinis and sarongs will go to the Breast Cancer Research Foundation.

She’s certainly aging naturally, and I love that about her. It doesn’t look like there’s been a ton of work done. But I guess if you’re Liz Hurley, there’s not much need to do a lot of work. When I’m her age I plan to have absolutely zero of my parts be the originals. And I still won’t look as good as she does.