Yes, we’ve firmly established that Kate Hudson’s put on weight this year. And I don’t even think that’s a bad thing. She’s certainly not at any weight even remotely approaching fat. So let’s get this out of the way: I do not think Kate Hudson is fat.

Here’s what I don’t like about it: It looks like beer weight. Her face is expanding at twice the weight of her body, and she’s losing that beautiful glow she always had about her. She’s obviously a girl who puts on weight in her face, but it’s not the healthy, I’m-filling-out-because-I-eat-a-complete-diet look. It’s the I’m-filling-out-because-I-eat-a-complete-case-of-beer-and-then-all-the-Fritos look. Kate looks like she put on the Freshman Fifteen, but she’s 29 years old, and Lord knows she’s never been to college.

I think I’m — dare I say it? — a little bit worried about her. We don’t mind if you put on weight, Kate, but cut it out with the boozing! Not healthy!

But she certainly did look happy last night, enjoying a Lakers game and some junk food with her brother Oliver.

They’re so in love that they got married twice. Now that’s devotion.

Tom Brady and Gisele Bündchen exchanged vows in a short sunset ceremony at her home in Costa Rica early Saturday evening, PEOPLE has learned. The bride, in a long designer dress and a veil that trailed 10 feet, and holding a bouquet of white orchids, “looked so gorgeous,” a source tells PEOPLE. “She looked beautiful.”

Security guards blocked off key access points to Bündchen’s house in Santa Teresa, where 25 or so guests gathered under a tent set up on the home’s balcony.

After the ceremony, Brady, 31, in a gray suit and vest with white pants, held his 1 ½-year-old son John on the balcony and spoke with guests like Robert Kraft, owner of the New England Patriots. Bündchen, 28, also hugged guests while friends and relatives snapped photos.

Eh, I’m so bored of the story of these two. I’m done with the lovey-dovey and I’m ready for them to go down in flames. I’m ready to find out that she’s cheating on him with Leonardo DiCaprio. (Wow, now that’s a name I haven’t typed out in awhile — what happened to that dude?) When I read that Gisele had a 10-foot train, my first thought was, “Oooh, I wish she’d tripped on it!”

Bridget Moynahan and I should totally do lunch.

Roger Friedman is a long-time Fox News entertainment blogger, and according to the parent company of Fox News and 20th Century Fox, he’s out of a job today.

It all started Thursday, when Friedman wrote a review of the not-yet-released, 20th Century Fox production, X-Men Origins:  Wolverine. An illegal copy was leaked to the internet; a disaster that could cost the studio “millions in box office receipts.”  The studio was quick to respond, distancing itself from its sister company, Fox News:

“We’ve just been made aware that Roger Friedman, a freelance columnist who writes Fox 411 on Foxnews.com — an entirely separate company from 20th Century Fox — watched on the Internet and reviewed a stolen and unfinished version of ‘X-Men Organs: Wolverine.’ This behavior is reprehensible and we condemn this act categorically — whether the review is good or bad.”

So, yeah.  Screwing over your own company will get you fired (even though, as of now, Friedman claims that he has not been terminated.)  End of story.  But this dude has been on my radar for awhile now, because of something that actually happened a couple of weeks ago.

Everyone jumps on me for my distaste towards America’s Sweetheart Homewrecker, but here is more evidence that she just is not a nice person.  On March 16th, Friedman attended the premier of Julia Robert’s flop movie, Duplicity.  He approached her, asking for a comment and she was beyond an ignorant bitch.

Once, Warren Beatty, whom I do consider the smartest guy in Hollywood, told me: “The biggest mistake you can make is to think no one’s reading what you write.”

But that’s Warren, he’s in a different league, and he knows everything going on around him.

Not so Julia Roberts, apparently. Mother now of three kids, she probably doesn’t have the time to read anything. She certainly doesn’t read this column. When she saw me last night at the premiere of her sleek new thriller, “Duplicity,” Roberts didn’t hesitate to cut me dead. She was rude, downright nasty, and dismissive. She snubbed me in front of other people to make her point, and later cut in between me and director Tony Gilroy to make her point. Her behavior was unexpected and chilling.

So what was the problem? Her officious publicist, Marcy Engelman, said: “She knows you broke the embargo on her play and wrote bad things about her.”

Indeed, a top agent at the party said, “Julia said, ‘that’s the man who writes bad things about me.’””

Not only is Julia Roberts a little fucking crybaby, she’s a little fucking uninformed crybaby.  The play that Marcy Engelman is referring to is Roberts’ 2006 Broadway debut, Three Days of Rain.  You may remember this as the production in which Julia Roberts was universally panned.  Would you like to see the review that this bastard Roger Friedman wrote?

As for Julia: She was very good on Saturday afternoon. We heard her clearly in the last row. She has a strong stage presence and I suspect it will just get better and better as she warms up for opening night. She is funny and charming when appropriate, somber and grim with conviction too. She has all her lines digested and you cannot take your eyes off of her. She actually injects some life into that first-act character with some real Roberts sarcasm. It’s most welcome. In the second act, though, she combines her best riffs from her performances in “Steel Magnolias” and “Ready to Wear,” among others.

And she does not look thin, gaunt or unhappy. Quite to the contrary, she has a supple energy. Our audience went wild for her, with a standing ovation and cheering. So there.

As our usher said, she’s already very good and by opening night, pow!

So retract those claws, kitties. And get ready. No, she’s not Cherry Jones or Phylicia Rashad — yet. But she’s a movie star and can act circles around anyone, and she’s going to be a sensation in the papers on the morning of April 20.

My guess is this will open the door for her to alternate doing plays and movies, and that can only be a good thing.

I feel bad that Roger Friedman was so stupid as to not only admit to watching a bootleg copy of a movie produced by his own employer, but that he thought it prudent to publish a review for it as well.  But I love and adore him for exposing Julia Roberts for the vindictive little wench that I’ve always known was lurking behind that flounder face.

Sheesh, trying to make sense of what’s going on with Madonna’s Malawi adoption requires quite a bit of effort. Last week, Malawi officials ruled that Madonna could not adopt the little 4-year-old orphan, Mercy James, that she’d hoped to take home with her, citing child trafficking concerns. “By removing the very safeguard that is supposed to protect our children,” said the judge, “the courts by their pronouncements could actually facilitate trafficking of children by some unscrupulous individuals who would take advantage of the weakness of the law of the land.”

So I don’t know shit about what’s going on with Malawi child trafficking, but I have to assume that the judge was trying to act in the greater good. I just don’t understand why else you’d refuse to let an orphan be adopted by a family who wanted to love and care for her, and is obviously equipped to do so. It breaks my heart, for the girl and for Madge and her family.

Even Mercy’s extended family wants her to live with Madonna. Her uncle told a British newspaper: “We as a family discussed this and agreed that it is in the best interests of Mercy to have her adopted, so why should the judge stop this if the family is OK with it?”

Now Madonna is back in London to celebrate Passover with her friends and family. Estranged hubby Guy Ritchie met her at the airport, although the two didn’t speak. Guy was mostly there to see his son with Madonna, David.

As Madonna disembarked her private jet, she was met by her ex-husband Guy Ritchie, who had published a statement following the ruling describing her as an “excellent mother”. The popstar looked tired and deflated as she descended the steps from the aircraft, hiding her face with her hair.

Ritchie approached the Gulfsteam jet with a smile on his face before the couple’s four-year-old son David Banda, who was adopted from Malawi in 2006, leapt into his arms. Madonna is said to be deeply upset after being forced to leave Malawi without Mercy, who she met last week.

She has appealed the decision and hearings are expected to begin on the matter next week.

Madonna is planning to stay in London with her daughter Lourdes, 12, to celebrate Passover with her friends from the Kabbalah Centre.

Awww, poor Madonna! This must be so heartbreaking. I hope she gets that damn kid.

“It was worse than any film school project,” he says in a YouTube vid about his latest movie, Midgets vs. Mascots, which premieres April 25 at the Tribeca Film Festival. “I shouldn’t be in this movie in the first place, but the mortgage keeps coming.”

Here’s the best part: The video is a part of the YouTube channel for the movie’s publicity. So, ya know, not only did somebody make a movie about “a porn-mogul dwarf who stages a $1 million competition with asinine events,” now they’re trying to make Gary Coleman’s sad, sad life go viral to support it. CLASSY, kids.

Viggo Mortensen is leaving the business.  Probably.  Maybe.  Possibly.  Is this just the newest, “I was abused as a child,” career-boosting tactic?  All I have to say is this:  If Viggo starts writing backwards text on his knuckles, I.  Give.  Up.

In the past week I’ve been from LA to Japan to Korea to Poland to here,” he hisses, describing in near disbelief the travel itinerary for his current promotional tour. “It’s ridiculous! It’s not a healthy way to be. But, as it happens, I’m taking measures to change that.” Which are? “No more movies. I haven’t said yes to one in over a year. I’ve been in all these well-received movies and it seems like I should be doing some more, but there’s other things I want to do. It’s not the right time.”

But when will you come back to film-making? When will you know it’s the right time? Long, long, pause. A sigh. “I really don’t know.”

Mortensen has spoken about leaving movies before. “If it all dries up now, I’ve had a good run” is a favourite refrain. But here, in the quiet ground-floor antechamber of a London hotel, he seems more convinced, and convincing, than ever.

It is far too harsh and cruel a world to not have Viggo in it, in a consistent and visible way.  Reconsider, Aragorn.