Thoughts?

I’m totally a shit-show over here. Crying my damn eyes out. I only watch like four shows on television, ever, and of course I pick the one that’s going to leave me a sobbing wreck after a perfectly good day. Fox has a stupid website up about it (it’s here, and spoiler alert), but it’s, as mentioned, stupid, and I’d rather hear your thoughts here.

Update: If you missed the show and wanna see what happened, full ep is available here. (Probably US-only, though.)

Holy crap!

Everyone expected that he’d cop a deal by now, but no! Chris Brown has plead not guilty to two felonies — assault and making criminal threats.

However, sources say that Brown’s attorney and the prosecutor are currently in heated plea negotiations. So likely there will be a plea before any of this goes to trial.

As for Rihanna? Her lawyer spoke to reporters after the hearing to say that Rihanna wants this resolved as quickly as possible — meaning, basically, that she’d like Chris to plead out as well.

And as for Wendie? She owes you guys 200 words on why Mischa Barton is amazing.

Oh, man. That Palin family. I thought they’d stop entertaining us after this last Presidential election wrapped up, but I should have known better.

Here’s a clip of Levi whining to Tyra Banks about how Bristol is mean to him and won’t let him take the baby anywhere. Poor Levi. He really has that “pathetic” act down pat right now. I almost feel bad for him. Almost. And I love how Tyra is just coaxing out every sob-story word of it, letting every little drop of mock-tragedy fall like water down her silly, silly extensions.

So what does Sarah Palin’s camp have to say about all this? “We’re disappointed that Levi and his family, in a quest for fame, attention and fortune, are engaging in flat-out lies, gross exaggeration, and even distortion of their relationship,” her rep said in a statement. Dude. That’s a really poorly written statement. It’s not clear what “their relationship” and its corresponding “distortion” refers to. The Palins can’t even get a publicist who can write?

Lindsay Lohan graces the cover of Chinese Harper’s Bazaar this month. You’d think with all the Photoshopping they did on this picture, they could make her hair look slightly less like a bad wig. But no.

Sources are reporting that Lindsay is furious and lashing out about the breakup. She reportedly used her private Twitter account last night to say: “I was right all along. Cheat. Being cheated on does wonders to you. I’m doing this publicly because u&ur friends call People mag.. So you win, you broke my heart. Now go away. I loved you.”

Oh Lindsay. Cheer up. How can anyone be sad while wearing that much lipliner?

Congrats to Lindsay Lohan, who has made the brave decision to ring in her 115th year as a single woman!

No, no. I’m kidding, of course. Implying that Lindsay Lohan just turned 115 is ridiculous. Everyone knows her birthday is in July.

The real subject of this article is 115-year-old Gertrude Baines, born April 6, 1894, in Shellman, Georgia. Gertrude celebrated 115 years on this planet at her convalescent home in Los Angeles.

During the course of her long life, Baines was married to Sam Conly, with whom, in 1909, she had a daughter, Annabelle – who as a child died of typhoid fever. One of Gertrude’s earliest memories is of taking a horse and buggy to church with her mother, Amelia, and her father, Jordan Baines, who had been a judge. Before moving west, she lived in Connecticut and Ohio, where she was employed as a cafeteria worker. Until 10 years ago she lived by herself in California, before moving into the convalescent home …

Not one to make a big deal of her stature, Baines enjoys life’s simple pleasures, such as extra crispy bacon and sweets, as well as daily viewings of The Price Is Right and Jerry Springer.

Last fall, she cast her vote for Barack Obama in the general election. The only other time she voted was back in 1960, for President John F. Kennedy …

Pressed for her secret to longevity, Baines begs off the question. “She prefers not to have the title [of world's oldest],” says her nurse, Cynthia Thompson, who has looked after her for nine years and quotes Baines as saying, “Of all the people in the world, why do I have to be the one? I didn’t ask for this.”

Because I have nothing better to do, I’m now busy pondering whether or not I would actually want to live to be 115 years old. That’s a long-ass time to be stuck in this here life. Especially if you’re old and confined to a bed and you don’t really have any family around anymore. And you spend your days watching Drew Carey on The Price is Right. All the old people with any sense left died as soon as Bob Barker left that show.

What say you, readers? Would you want to live to see 115?

On one hand, you can release a video of Gary Coleman whining about his mortgage and his all-around sucky life.

On the other hand, you can “leak” photos of Charlize Theron’s bare chest and ass.

I say the winner here is the team behind The Burning Plain, hottie Charlize’s latest film.

Uncensored pics are here. Don’t bother “reading” the article. There isn’t one, really. Just the pics of Charlize’s boobies.

Welcome to advertising in the recession age, kids.