Katy Perry was seen yesterday in New York City.  She looks really surprised that the paparazzi were so interested in photographing her yellow teeth.  In turn, the paps were shocked when they discovered that they weren’t actually snapping  pics of Mr. Furley.

Rolling Stone Ron Wood took his little girl new girlfriend to the Rock And Roll Hall of Fame ceremonies this weekend.  This wouldn’t be a newsworthy even if not for that fact that sixty-one year-old Wood’s love is, um, twenty.

Ron split with his wife of twenty-three years (and mother of his two children, twenty-five and thirty-years-old) last summer when Wood started seeing his post-mid-life crisis, the fresh out of a training bra waitress Ekaterina Ivanova.  I think it’s clear that Ron completely misinterpreted Ivanova’s “What can I get you?” inquiry and opted for a blow job.

Anyway, they are together now and it seems that their first public appearance went better than expected.  The evening ended with an Aspercreme rub for him and some milk and Oreos for her.

It looks like Jessica Simpson, the chili-cookoff princess who can never remember the lyrics to her own songs, may have been dropped from her record label.

There has been no official word on this, but Jess’ name and artist page have been deleted from the Columbia Nashville and Sony Music Nashville websites.  I don’t know why this has taken so long but I’m relieved that the music industry has finally figured out what I have known for the past decade-Jessica Simpson can’t sing and it takes more than tits, blond hair and a subpar IQ to sell records.  Jess didn’t attend the Academy of Country Music awards this week and instead opted for a trip to Taco Bell Mexico.  I consider her absence to be the real confirmation of her current, sans-label status.

Without a doubt, some other label will pick her up, she’ll release another horrible album that no one will buy, she’ll be dropped again.  This cycle will repeat itself over and over again and Jess can exclaim after each parting of the ways, “Oh my gosh y’all, I do this all the time!”  Because that’s kind of her tagline.

Jessica, may I suggest that you either have twins implanted in your uterus or commence a lesbian relationship, like, yesterday?  Your fame is in serious jeopardy.

Eminem is back with a video for his new release “We Made You,” and like a little vanishing freckle I have had on my hand since birth, I didn’t realize how much I missed him until he returned.  Any masterpiece that mocks Jessica Alba, Bret Michaels and Lindsay Lohan is an automatic favorite of mine.

And speaking of celebrities I can’t tolerate, I am working on my Mischa Barton tribute as promised.  I’m aware that Chris Brown’s case could technically still end up with a plea bargain, but I can’t have this Sword of Damocles hanging over my head for one more day.  My word is my bond, so out of integrity, I will be doing this.  I may be on a morphine drip whilst crafting my essay, but it will be done.  I’m currently watching Mischa footage on YouTube in hopes of finding some ray of light upon which I can focus on and translate into two hundred positive and love-filled words.  This is my punishment for over-confidence.

Oh, and I’m not sure that Eminem is ever really suitable for work, so consider yourself warned.  Especially if your employer takes issue with mechanical Kim Kardashian asses.  I’m just sayin’…

A break up just isn’t a break up in Hollywood anymore until a restraining order is in place.  And after this weekend’s drama at Bar Marmont, where Lindsay was denied entry at Charlotte Ronson’s JC Penney I <3 Ronson event, the Ronson family felt it necessary to take it to that level.

Samantha Ronson’s mother and sister asked Beverly Hills police how they could obtain a retraining order three days after Lindsay Lohan banned from a Ronson family event, Usmagazine.com exclusively reports.

“They were directed to the court to get a restraining order,” Beverly Hills Sgt. Nutall told Us on Monday.

The officer would not confirm the inquiry was about Lindsay but the drama between the tempestuous lovers crested this weekend after news spread that Samantha broke up with Lindsay.

At a party honoring Samantha’s sister, clothes designer Charlotte Ronson, at Bar Marmont on Friday security were told not to let Lindsay in if she showed.

Lindsay followed up the snub with Twitter postings disparging [sic] Samantha and Charlotte. With both families staying at the Chateau Marmont, the drama escalated with Lindsay trying to barge into Samantha’s brother’s room.

The locks on Samantha’s house were seen being changed today; three weeks ago a window was broken at her house during a fight between the two women.

Lindsay has told friends that Samantha’s family is behind their break-up.

Where, oh where did Sam and Linds’ lezulove go so terribly wrong?  Maybe after a break, these two can reconcile.  Of course, when I say, “a break,” I mean “Promises.”

And is Michelle Rodriguez single?  Because I think she’d be the perfect match for Linds now that she’s back on the market.

In case there was any doubt in your mind after Samantha hired a locksmith to come change her locks, Lindsay Lohan confirmed in a statement today that she and Samantha Ronson had broken up.

“We are taking a brief break so I can focus on myself,” she said. Um. I can’t even count the ways in which that statement is likely to be untrue. Hopefully Lindsay will be focusing on herself by getting to AA meetings and keeping her nose — quite literally — clean, but somehow I doubt that.

Meanwhile, Samantha hasn’t issued any statement, but on her MySpace page on Sunday she wrote that “aura in pleasanton is very pleasant.” I wouldn’t take this to mean anything other than the fact that she DJ’d at a club called Aura in Pleasanton, California, and didn’t have a terrible time, but I’m sure people will misconstrue it from here to Hong Kong.

Sheesh. The truth is, Lindsay Lohan is one of the few starlets around for whom I genuinely want the best. Despite myself, I’m always rooting for that crazy kid. I mean, sure, her antics drive traffic like crazy, but I’d gladly sacrifice that for her to have a little bit of serenity in her life. Take this time and get your act together for real, Lindsers.