Is everything all better now? Did that fix it?

Lindsay Lohan spent another heart-broken weekend wandering around LA getting smashed.

La Lohan’s night didn’t even begin until around 1:45 a.m., when the scandal magney finally made the scene at a birthday bash for producer/actor/well-to-do party boy James Krisel. Lindsay was accompanied to the Hollywood Hills bash by five guys, including her longtime pal Patrick Aufdencamp.

“People were pouring vodka into her red party cup all night,” a guest tells OK! “She was way beyond incoherent. She was totally smashed and couldn’t even form a sentence. She looked so lonely and lost.” Lindsay stayed at the get-together until just before 3 AM and then moved on to her next pre-dawn party.

Awww, Lindsers. You gotta get this dealt with. You gotta go back to rehab and you gotta do it for real. You can’t drink, baby. Not ever. It’s never gonna work for you.

And for all of you commenters who were all like, “It’s okay if Lindsay drinks a little now. That mess was just a teenage thing. Stop being so harsh on her,” I would just like to say that I told you so. Lindsay Lohan cannot drink, not ever. She lost that privilege a long time ago. This has to stop or she’s going to die.

Congrats to Miley & Co., who steam-rolled through the box office with $34 million in ticket sales and a #1 debut with the Hannah Montana movie.

“Hannah Montana” drew $17.3 million on Friday for the biggest opening day ever for a G-rated live-action movie.

While girls 12 and younger and their moms made up most of the audience, “Hannah Montana” also attracted a solid crowd of teenage girls, fans reaching the age when they might be outgrowing the show, said Mark Zoradi, president of Disney’s motion-picture group.

“Miley’s audience stayed with her,” Zoradi said. “Those that enjoyed the show on TV and maybe have become young teens themselves came back for the movie.”

Meanwhile, Seth Rogen’s dark comedy, Observe and Report, opening a disappointing #4 with $11M in ticket sales, and Fast & Furious fell to the #2 spot, confirming once again that teenage girls are way more powerful than teenage boys.

Also, this clip is inexplicably one of the most popular on YouTube right now:

Really, how many teenagers do we need belting out power ballads? Who is this girl?

White House photo by Pete Souza

How’s that for a pedigree?

Rumors abounded earlier this weekend, but now it’s official. President Obama has fulfilled at least one of his campaign promises and given daughters Sasha and Malia a puppy.

The first family has settled on a first pet, a 6-month-old Portuguese water dog that the Obama girls are naming Bo.

The selection was one of the White House’s most tightly kept secrets.

President Barack Obama’s daughters, 10-year-old Malia and 7-year-old Sasha, picked a black and white pup, a White House official speaking on the condition of anonymity told The Associated Press Saturday night.

The dog is a gift from Sen. Edward M. Kennedy, D-Mass., who owns several Portuguese water dogs himself.

Actually, I need to point out that the AP story above is slightly wrong. The dog wasn’t a gift from Senator Kennedy. That would be illegal. Bo, who shares the same lineage as Ted Kennedy’s two Portuguese water dogs, is actually being “re-homed” from the Texas kennel where he was living, something the Obamas have to do to avoid ethics violations.

Bo will have his first official press conference this Tuesday, when he will be presented to the Obamas by Senator Kennedy.

The girls chose the name Bo because their grandfather–Michelle Obama’s father– was nicknamed “Bo” (after Bo Diddley) and because their cousin has a cat named Bo. And, presumably because they wanted to give all the pun-happy headline writers in the mainstream media an excuse to dust off all those old “Bo knows” jokes. I’ll also bet you a whole dollar that I won’t be able to make it through the day tomorrow without hearing some cheesey news anchor utter the words “Who let the dogs in?” I refuse to participate.

Although not from a shelter, the dog was technically homeless, having been returned to the kennel by a previous owner who decided he could not care for the dog. Even so, some animal rights activists are upset that the First Family didn’t opt to adopt a dog from a D.C. area shelter.

Stevie Nicks dances like your grandmother at your cousin's wedding

Thanks in part to a tendency to engage in activites like this weekend’s Red-Bull and vodka fueled extreme version of what most women do when they get dumped (new hairstyle, copious amounts of drinking) singer and former Fleetwood Mac front woman, Stevie Nicks, isn’t too keen on the idea of Lindsay Lohan playing her in a movie about her life story.

“Over my dead body,” the 60-year-old singer told the New York Times after learning that Lohan was interested in buying the rights to her life story in order to nab the lead role.

“She needs to stop doing drugs and get a grip. Then maybe we’ll talk,” added Nicks.

And she’s absolutely right.

I mean, we’re talking about someone with a personal life rockier than Sylvester Stalone’s IMDB filmography who has been addicted to more drugs than you or I can even name. Oh, and Lindsay Lohan too.

Hello everyone. My name’s Stevie and I’m a big ole scarf-swaddled pot calling a kettle black.

Honestly, at this point, Lohan is probably underqualified. She needs to be a basket case for about 15 more years, become addicted to about 40 more kinds of pills, and marry her best friend’s husband right after she kicks the bucket from Leukemia.

Taking a page from Nicks’ book, I’d like to remind all of you that if you can’t say anything nice, you shouldn’t say anything at all.

I thought I’d post this, not only because I’m sure that some of you care about this casting decision, but also because I find it a bit odd that the goofy, Jheri-curled yokel pictured above is going to play the head of a clan of Italian vampires in all the remaining Twilight movies.

I guess Dustin Diamond wasn’t available, so they had to book his lookalike.

Maybe it’ll be okay. He has a daughter with Kate Beckinsale, whom he met while working on the set of Underworld– which means he must be capable of at least some of the suaveness required to convincingly play the leader of an Italian vampire clan.

Maybe he’ll grow a beard? You’d be surprised by how much whiskey dick-ness can be overcome by growing some dark, manly facial hair.

(‘Angie Tempura’ and Zac Efron on Weekend Update)