We all knew it was just a matter of time. Now the Octomom, Nadya Suleman, and her bazillion helpless children, have landed a TV show. Except it’ll only be airing in the UK … and then they’ll see if the US is interested.

“Yes, it is official. I’m going to be doing a show, but it’s not a reality show,” Nadya tells Life & Style. “What I’m doing with this TV show is basically creating documentaries about the lives of my children. It’s going to be an ongoing thing, and it will follow them from now until they are 18. It’s being done by Eyeworks; they’re in the UK. It will air in the UK and then we’ll see if the US is interested.”

Nadya adds that the documentary style of the show won’t infringe on her family’s privacy: “The producers will come here to film six times a year. They’ll come by and take some footage and then they’ll go. They won’t be invading my life or my children’s lives.”

Plus, the filming will help this busy mom remember the important milestones for her children. “It will give me the opportunity to have incredible home movies that, believe me, I don’t have the time to make myself. Having this documentary crew allows me to focus on raising my children and still have great movies of them.”

I’m kind of confused about this only airing in the UK. You’d think the US networks would be all over this shit like sperm on Nadya Suleman’s eggs. Are they worried about the backlash from the enormous amount of people in the US who realize that this woman is batshit insane and doesn’t deserve to be compensated for bringing children into the world without the resources to take care of them? Don’t people in the UK feel the same? British readers, what’s the feeling over there about the Octomom?

Okay, so speaking of tattoos, Jessica Alba has a bow at the top of her ass crack.  Doesn’t that just tell you that she views anal as the greatest gift she can ever offer a man?  Ink that makes a statement:  “I’m Jessica Fucking Alba.  I offer my rectum to you.  You’re.  Welcome.”

I think I’m supposed to be focused on the fact that Alba now has blond hair, which I find to be a huge mistake.  Why must olive complected women give in to the blond?  Ladies, work with what you have and embrace the exoticness-”brunette” is not a dirty word.  Pictures in the gallery of that fuckery.

So I’ve always thought it was kind of bullshit when the judges criticize the outfits of the AI contestants, because we all know those bitches have stylists. I guess whether they choose to listen to them or not is their own decision. But Film.com‘s Natalie Broulette sat down with Miles Siggins and Soyon An, the Idol stylists, for a chat about what goes into getting these kids stage-ready, and what their personal styles are like.

Natalie Broulette: What’s the collaborative process with the contestants like?

Miles Siggins: We discuss what they’re singing and what they think they’d like to wear, and we start from there. Even if people have a general idea about what they want to wear, it does kind of change once we go shopping. And because it’s a competition, it’s totally up to the guys what they want to wear. I can’t force them to wear anything.

Soyon An: The way I work with the girls is I kind of pull aside a few looks that would be good for them, so that we can make the most of the two-hour shopping time. They come in with their idea based on their song choice or whatever they had in mind, and then we do fittings. Whatever we don’t find in the fitting, whether it be a pair of pants, shoes or accessories, we go out and shop for.

And as for when the judges talk shit about the outfits? Stylist Miles weighs in on that: “The main person that criticizes is Simon, and I think a man who wears a gray v-neck sweater and jeans and boots should concentrate on commenting on things he knows about. He’s a very savvy man, but I don’t think fashion is one of his strong points.”

You can check out the full interview here.

It was poised to be the auction of the century, but a last-minute settlement between Jackson’s production company and the auction house means it’s not going to happen after all … at least not yet. Jackson had originally tried to sue the auction house, but an LA judge put the kibosh on that.

I’m so bummed! Now I won’t get to buy any of his “Disneyana.” Or that creepy, creepy poem he wrote about playing with little children.

Oh well. Give it another couple of years. This shit’ll be back on the auction block.

Dominos Pizza is taking the bull by the horns. Remember this video of Dominos employees doing disgusting things to the food that took over the web yesterday? There’s another one above. In fact, later on in the day, I found about four more of these gross things. I didn’t watch them all and I’m not posting them all, but they’re on the web if you want ‘em.

Not only did Dominos immediately fire the employees involved, but now there’s an arrest warrant out for them, filed by the franchise owner. The employees apologized in an email, saying it was a prank and that the food was never served. The female employee, Kristy, wrote to the company spokesperson: “It was all a prank and me nor Michael expected to have this much attention from the videos that were uploaded! No food was ever sent out to any customer. We would never put something like that on you tube if it were real!! It was fake and I wish that everyone knew that!!!!” (Do you believe her???) The spokesperson said the company “was not in a forgive-and-forget mood.”

Dominos is also considering filing a civil complaint against the employees.

They say on their website:

Since the videos first surfaced yesterday, the two workers have been identified, fired and the affected franchisee has filed a criminal complaint against them, and there are warrants for their arrest.

The opportunities and freedom of the internet is wonderful. But it also comes with the risk of anyone with a camera and an internet link to cause a lot of damage, as in this case, where a couple of individuals suddenly overshadow the hard work performed by the 125,000 men and women working for Domino’s across the nation and in 60 countries around the world.

We apologize for the actions of these individuals, and thank you for your continued support of Domino’s Pizza.

Way to go, Dominos. Take serious action against these two, and remind us all that we’re leaving a lot of folks floundering in this economy if we stop eating Dominos. This is fantastic PR work on their part. I still don’t think I can order a Dominos pizza anytime soon, though.

Hugh Hefner continues to wax philosophical about the Girls Next Door.  For real, I don’t think the twins are working out too well for him since his attention still seem so focused on Kendra, Bridget and Holly.  I’m totally over that show, why isn’t he?

In a People interview, Hef says that rebounds are the way to go and marriage, for all intents and purposes, sucks.

About Holly: My conviction has always been, being an romantic, that the best solution for a failed romance is a new romance.

About Bridget: The major problem for her, quite frankly, is that she’s not here a lot. She’s got this wonderful dream job for the Travel Channel (Bridget’s Sexiest Beaches), she’s wandering the globe. We’ll see how that plays out, whether she’s really contemplating making this more serious.

About Kendra: I’ve been very lucky in romance, but not expert in marriage (two divorces).  They are two separate things. What happens traditionally in a marriage is, of course, a marriage turns into parenthood and the affection is kind of transferred to the children. She picked very well, I think he adores her, I think she really loves him. What they have to get over is they come from very different backgrounds. If love conquers all, it’ll conquer them.

Poor Hugh!  I’m more convinced than ever that he hasn’t been taking his Ginkgo biloba for he surely would have remembered that no one cares what he thinks about the girls, their relationships or the weather, for that matter.  The end.