Actress Uma Thurman (sidenote: In Japanese, Uma means “horse.” I’m just going to leave that there, thank you) and fiancé, multimillionaire Arpad Busson, arrived on the Bahamian island of Eleuthera earlier this week, and have been secluded since. The couple must be in the Bahamas for more than 48 hours before the government will issue a marriage license. As of yesterday, sources reported that preparations for a wedding ceremony were underway.

This will be Uma’s third marriage, and Busson’s second. She was previously tied to Gary Oldman and Ethan Hawke–with whom she has two children– while Busson has reproduced with supermodel Elle Macpherson. The two have been engaged since June, when Busson presented Thurman with a diamond the size of North America, orbited by 20 smaller diamonds that have become trapped in its gravitational pull.

I actually kind of hate the word “preggers” but I can’t find a euphemism for pregnancy that I like, so “preggers” it is.

Actress Ellen Pompeo, 39 , of Grey’s Anatomy fame has confirmed that she is expecting her first child with husband Chris Ivery, 41. No details yet on the due date, but she can have fun picking out baby buggies with fellow Grey’s co-star Chyler Leigh, who is due next month.

It seems like the only time anyone gives a crap about beauty pageants anymore is when the contestants make asses of themselves. At tonight’s 2009 Miss U.S.A. pageant, Miss California was alternately booed and cheered when asked how she felt about Vermont’s recent legalization of same-sex marriage.

She has the right to express her opinions on the issue– it’s a sensitive topic influenced by personal religious beliefs. However, by calling heterosexual marriage “opposite marriage” she’s not really doing anything to support her case or make an intelligent argument.

What I find really galling about all this is the fact that Perez Hilton was a judge for the pageant. If there’s anyone who knows how to judge and score class, poise, and beauty, it’s freakin Perez Hilton.

I know I’m going to get all kinds of love from you readers on this, but I feel kind of bad for Miss California. I personally believe that secular same-sex marriage should be legal in every state, but I give her credit for expressing her true beliefs (albeit ineloquently) in the face of pressure. She had the bad luck to draw a question from an asshat, exposure-hungry judge while the other contestants probably got softball questions about how war is bad and we need to feed the hungry kids in “the Africa like such as.”

Regardless of how you feel about Same-Sex marriage, I think that people on both sides of the issue can agree that Perez Hilton is a giant turd.

In yet another case that proves just about anybody can become the target of someone’s psychopathic obsession, Tyler Perry’s alleged stalker, Dawne Wilson, was arrested outside his Atlanta studio on Wednesday and is currently being held without bond.

Perry had taken out a restraining order on the woman who has continually showed up uninvited at his home and businesses and has exhibited “obsessive behavior” over the past year that included contacting him several hundred times a day and sending him gifts.

Writing on his online blog, he says, “I’m trying to be careful how I say this without inciting this person, but I have a stalker. This person sends several hundred emails a day to my office and has planned our wedding and bought rings and such. She has showed up at my house several times.

“What’s crazy is I’ve never met this woman, nor have I even responded to her emails. I’ve had to increase the guards at my house as well as travel with bodyguards and I hate that. I hate to have big guys following me around.”

When she showed up outside his studio on Wednesday, she was arrested for being in violation of the restraining order and charged with aggravated stalking.

I’m going to have to buy a book that psycho-analyzes the inner workings of stalkers and attempts to explain why and how they choose their victims. I am continually surprised by the odd celebrities who engender such psychopathic levels of obsession.

The father of one of the child stars of Slumdog Millionaire is accused of attempting to sell his daughter.

The British tabloid rag News of the World reportedly caught wind of rumors that Rafiq Qureshi, father of 9 year old Slumdog star Rubina Ali, had been in talks with a Middle Eastern family who wished to “adopt” his daughter…. to the tune of £50,000. A News of the World reporter then posed as a “sheik” who contacted the girl’s uncle to arrange a meeting. The girl was then offered to the fake sheik for an increased price of £200,000.

Rubina’s uncle is believed to have confirmed the family were interested in ‘selling’ the young star for millions of rupees.

‘Yes, we are interested in securing our girl’s future… Obviously if you wanted to adopt we could discuss this, but her parents would also expect some proper compensation in return,’ the paper quoted the uncle as saying.

Rubina’s father, Rafiq, is reportedly angry that his family has not received enough compensation for Rubina’s part in Slumdog. Although director Danny Boyle set up trust funds to finance the education of all of the film’s child stars, and a sound engineer who worked on the film bought luxury apartments for the kids and their families, Rafiq claims that he hasn’t see any of it.

Mr Qureshi said: “What they showed in the film is exactly how life is here. The Government doesn’t help us. We get nothing.

“We live in one room. Seven of us sleep on the floor. I earn £2 to £3 a day. I have to consider what is best for me, my family and for Rubina’s future.”

The illegal trafficking of girls from India to the Middle East, where they are taken to work as sex slaves and domestic servants, is considered a serious problem.

When the allegations came to light, Rubina’s mother showed up at Rafiq’s house and demanded that the child be released to her custody. That visit ended with Rubina’s mother and step mother punching and choking each other in front of Rubina’s house.

Of course the father is denying the allegations, saying that he thought he was negotiating a paycheck for a job, attempting to secure a new acting role for Rubina, and didn’t understand everything that was being said to him.

Someone get Madonna and Angelina Jolie on a plane to India right now.

Jerry Seinfeld, Jason Alexander, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, and Michael Richards have begun filming for their multi-episode reunion that will air on Curb Your Enthusiasm when it finally returns to HBO this Fall.

Julia is quoted as saying, “It was really fun to get together with everybody. Frankly, it was as if we never left.”

And there’s more fun to come. “We’re shooting again this month and in May,” she said. “We have a lot more work to do.”

No surprise, everyone has been sworn to secrecy…

Louis-Dreyfus can’t even reveal if they’re riffing on their legendary Seinfeld characters. “I really can’t say,” she said. “I’m sorry. I would if I could, but I’m not allowed.”

As a fan of both Seinfeld and Curb Your Enthusiasm, I’m pretty excited about this. I also think I speak for most of America when I say that I hope they really take the piss out of Michael Richards. You can’t put him on Curb Your Enthusiasm and just ignore that infamously racist comedy club outburst from a few years ago. That would be a crime against acerbic comedy.