Why don’t I have a record deal yet? They’re giving them away like free condoms on student health day. Record deals must be growing on trees, or falling like snow out of Linsday Lohan’s nose because everyone who really has no business at all having a record deal is getting one. The latest? Gossip Girls’ Leighton Meester.

The 23-year-old actress began recording material — described as having an “electro-pop edge” — for the project in March and has clocked studio time with producers Polow Da Don (Usher, Fergie), Harvey Mason, Jr. (Justin Timberlake, Pink) and Spencer Nezey (Jupiter Rising).

It’s a good thing she’s working with good producers because I’m guessing the two elements she’ll need to make a decent record are not good songwriting and vocal talent, but excellent production and a heavy dose of Autotune.

More proof has emerged that Robyn Gibson will deserve every penny of the $450 million she is expected to get in her divorce from actor Mel Gibson. When she finally filed for a divorce a few months ago, I don’t think I was alone in thinking that it was probably due to… oh, I don’t know… his insanity, his drinking problem, his philandering, or his anti-semitism, just to name a few lofty character traits.

As it turns out, she endured all that crap only to have a not-so-immaculate conception shoved in her face.

It’s being reported that the final insult which caused Robyn to pull the trigger on her divorce to Mel came when Russian T & A show Oksana Grigorieava began blabbing around town that she was pregnant with Mel’s child, and mad Mel actually moved the model into one a home that belongs to both him and his wife.

I’m not sure what he thought would happen. Maybe he was just tired of the whole Catholicism thing and thought he’d try a new religion– one where his many wives could all move into a  compound together and don smashing high-necked ruffly dresses and poofy prarie beehives while popping out child after child of the Gibson brood.

Or maybe he’s just a giant douche.

Henry Ian Cusick, who plays Desmond on the ABC series Lost, has been accused of engaging in some pretty horrendous sexual harassment and sexual battery in a lawsuit filed by a former ABC entertainment employee. The plaintiff, Chelsea Stone, alleges that while working on set, Cusick groped and humiliated her, then caused her to lose her job and her child, thanks to a miscarriage she alleges was brought on by the extremely stressful situation Cusick created.

Plaintiff Chelsea Stone alleges that on or about Oct. 16, Cusick “placed his hand on her buttocks” and then caressed her back “while making moaning sounds.” He then put his face in her cleavage and wagged his head back and forth, according to the lawsuit filed in Los Angeles Superior Court. He then touched her breasts with his hands and kissed her on the mouth, Stone says.

Stone also states that over the next few days, Cusick and other members of the staff and crew “became very hostile towards her.” She was fired a few weeks later, and miscarried a few weeks after that.

Those charges sound pretty severe. If someone I work with were to put his head in my tits and wag it back and forth– an activity I call “motorboating” that is reserved only for my significant other and my closest female friends– he’d have more than a lawsuit to contend with. He’d have that giant wheel from the middle of the island sticking out of his netherbits. I’d go straight up Ben Linus on his ass.

Whether or not the  allegations are true remains to be seen, but I kind of hope that they’re false. The idea that such a large production company would bully a female employee to cover up the fact that one of their actors is a complete louse and nearly raped her is beyond disgusting– it’s terrifying.

Actress Bea Arthur, best known for her roles in Maude and as the sarcastic, scotch-voiced “Dorothy” in The Golden Girls, passed away today at the age of 86.  The exact cause of death has not been released, but she had reportedly been battling cancer for some time.  Bea’s passing follows the death of fellow Golden Girl, actress Estelle Getty (Sophia) in July of last year.

Pardon me while I wax poetic about a series based upon the exploits of four women over 50– a demographic with whom you might think a single 28-year-old has nothing in common. But you’d be wrong. Dorothy was always the character with whom I most identified. She had a razor-sharp tongue and never hesitated to cut her cohorts down to size when they were acting foolish. This acidic attitude often caused hurt feelings and misunderstandings, and earned her a place as a target for the other roommates– someone they loved to knock off her high horse whenever they got the chance. But this is only because she was the tough one, and in the end, she always proved to be fiercely loyal to her friends, willing to do anything for any one of them, just as they would be willing to do anything for her.

Just a few days ago I was at a party where some unlikely fans confessed to their obsession with Golden Girls and the host of the get-together even produced a box set of the complete series that had been hiding on his DVD shelf. That show was brilliant, an accolade proven by the fact that it continues to garner loyal fans of all ages and scenes, more than 17 years after its last episode aired.

R.I.P. Bea. Thanks for the laughs.

This day has been heavy on the Butler gossip, and I’m okay with that. Remember those rumors from late last year that everyone’s favorite Spartan was rubbing shields with Jennifer Aniston at the Toronto film festival? Well, rumors are flying again that the two might be seeing each other on a regular basis:

According to sources, the duo has been meeting up at the former Friends star’s New York apartment.

“She said that in their film meetings, the chemistry was intense and physical,” the Sun quoted a source close to Jennifer…

I know a lot of people feel bad for Jennifer because of her “unlucky in love” schtick, but there’s only so much sympathy you can give someone who just keeps making such bad dating choices. Most of you have at least one friend like that– or I should say had one friend like that– who dates jerk after jerk and wonders why things don’t ever work out for her.
Gerard is known for being something of a player– which is fine if you’re just looking for a little post-relationship rebound fling– but another source says that Aniston is “smitten” and looking to develop a serious relationship with him.

There’s just something about Heidi Klum & Seal’s marriage that gives me the warm and fuzzies. In a recent interview with US Weekly, Heidi talked about discovering that she was pregnant for the fourth, and most likely final, time:

“Yeah, I kind of knew. You feel your body change and I’ve done it three times before. Then I got the proof from the doctor and it was wonderful. Seal had the biggest smile. He said, ‘Here we go, one more time!’ Because all this time, we’ve said, ‘Okay, one more and that’s it.’ We said that after Leni and Henry. When Johan was born, I still didn’t feel like I was done. When we looked around the table, it was like one person was missing. So we’ve been, you know, having fun as a couple. And that’s how No. 4 came about. But that will be it.”

Heidi also said that although they’d be happy with either a boy or a girl, they’re kind of hoping for another girl, to be a little sister to daughter Leni, 5.

The due date, in November, is very close to the date of the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show–meaning that unless VC is debuting a new line of maternity pads, Heidi probably won’t be strutting her stuff in her skivvies for this year’s show.