It looks like Sacha Baron Cohen’s lastest film, Bruno, may be undergoing some changes soon. The film’s initial screening by the MPAA culminated in an NC-17 rating for the edgy film. You can’t release a film with an NC-17 rating. No one will screen it and no one will watch it.

Here’s a look at what pissed off the censors:

Among the scenes reportedly causing the most issues: one in which flamboyant fashionista Brüno is seen engaging in what appears to be anal sex with another man, and one in which he sneaks, naked, into a tent, unbeknownst to its male occupant.

The film is slated for a summer release and, while already buzzworthy, has garnered significant praise from critics who were privy to a 22-minute preview at the South by Southwest festival earlier this month.

Three scenes were shown in their MPAA-offending entirety. One reveals the setup for the film: Brüno and his boyfriend decide to jump on board the latest Hollywood trend and adopt an African baby (which arrives via a cardboard box). Unfortunately, the beaus quickly break up, and Brüno loses custody of the child. He spends the rest of the movie attempting to get it back by proving himself to be one of the most heterosexual men in the country.

Along the way, he plans a photo shoot featuring his newest baby/accessory and auditions child actors to take part; shocking hilarity ensues when he gets the OK from stage mothers to administer liposuction to their apparently hefty toddlers, throw them from buildings in the name of art and dress them up like baby Hitlers.

The second previewed scene shows Brüno appearing on a Springeresque talk show to show off his newest acquisition. Unfortunately, it’s done with the aid of (Photoshopped) images of him and his boyfriend in the throes of passion with the baby looking on.

The final scene, by most accounts one of the movie’s most shocking, features the newly butch Bruno, going by the name Straight Dave, in an ultimate fighting ring, challenging his ex-boyfriend. After they beat each other into a bloody state, they passionately reconcile—in front of the clearly scandalized audience.

Now correct me if I’m wrong, but none of this sounds like anything worse than what’s happened in R-rated movies. Something tells me the MPAA was particularly offended by the anal sex — they may actually even have specific rules about anal vs. missionary sex. I mean, did anyone actually see Zack & Miri Make a Porno? There was a lot of fucking in that film, but it was all man-on-woman. It kind of annoys me that man-on-man anal warrants a stronger rating. It’s still sex, peeps.

How is this still a story?

I thought we’d established long that this chick wasn’t helping out in the investigation against the dude who beat her up. But now we’re hearing it again, because her humanity/weakness in the face of this horror never stops being compelling:

Sources say Rihanna “wants the whole thing” to go away and isn’t helping the district attorney prepare his case against Brown for allegedly beating her to a pulp in the early hours of February 8th, the day the of the Grammy Awards.

Apparently Rihanna is angry, they say, that pictures of her bruises were leaked to the press. She’s not happy, too, that she was quickly identified as Brown’s victim.

Listen, Rihanna, I’m sorry that the press identified you, I really am, but it wasn’t much of a mystery. I’m sorry that your photo leaked. You’re not any domestic violence victim. You’re a celebrity, and that’s an identity you accept in good times and in bad. You signed your name on the record deal. You knew what you were getting into, and you’re in it now.

Take a stand and turn this around, Rihanna. Don’t make it go away. Make it matter.

Madonna and her family paid a visit to the Namitete Secondary School in Malawi on Monday to lend support to her Raising Malawi Foundation. She’s reportedly in Africa to finalize the adoption of yet another kiddo, this time a four-year-old girl.

This is all very interesting stuff, and I’m glad Madge is out there being useful and helping people, but I’ll tell you what really makes my heart soar: It appears as though Lourdes has waxed her eyebrows. I can’t be sure — it’s a strange view and I can’t find a better pic that I have rights to — but it looks as though she was finally brave enough to go into battle with The Unibrow. NOTHING could make me happier. I now feel way more confident about Madonna’s next adoption. I am less scared for this child, because she will not be thrown into a world with a new language, new food, new culture and LOURDES’ GIGANTIC UNIBROW.

PRAISE THE LOURDES!

Congrats to Tim Allen, whose wife Jane welcomed their daughter Elizabeth on Saturday in Los Angeles. Mother and child are healthy physically, but obviously there’s something wrong in the head with this mother if she’s gonna name a Hollywood baby “Elizabeth.” What are we going to call her for short. “Liz”???? What the hell kind of name is that? I can’t do anything with that name. Useless, I tell you. I’d expect someone who thought it would be a good idea to do a third Santa Clause film could think a little further outside the box.

This is the first baby for the couple, although Tim has a 19-year-old daughter named Katherine (again with the boring) from his first marriage.

Hi all. I have a serious handicap today, because my fake nails have grown out to the point where they really need to be shaved down and it’s very difficult to type. I am way too absent-minded to actually go into the salon and have them shaved down, so, instead, I’m just writing less. This is probably a poor decision in light of the fact that my entire job is to write. But I digress.

If you hadn’t heard by now, Jennifer “Can’t Find Love” Hewitt is working her evil magic on “funnyman” Jamie Kennedy. I suppose at this point she has to date someone with a sense of humor. After all, she is something of a joke.

Jamie and Jennifer were vacationing in Mexico this weekend when Jamie came down with a bad case of kidney stones. Ouch! The ill-fated couple flew back to Los Angeles Wednesday morning and Jamie went straight to the hospital. “He had comedy shows scheduled in Boston, but he canceled them because of his kidney stones,” says a source. “He felt better later in the day and went home, but on Thursday he started hurting again and he went back to the hospital.”

Whatever. These things aren’t kidney stones. They’re the evil little alien creatures Jen’s body involuntarily excretes during sexual intercourse. God speed, Jamie.

I don’t know guys.  This voicemail is reportedly Our Lady Of Cheese Grits leaving a voicemail for an attorney that was assisting in having her dad’s conservatorship dissolved.  Do you think this is actually Brit?  Because I’ve never heard a sentence spoken by her that didn’t include the word “y’all,” I’m very unsure.  Thoughts?

Here’s the transcript, in case the audio, uh, disappears:

Hi my name’s Britney Spears. I called you earlier. I’m calling again because I just wanted to make sure that during the process of eliminating the conservatorship that my father has threatened me several times, you know, he’ll take my children away.  I just want to be guaranteed that
everything will be fine with the process of you guys taking care of
everything that things will stay the same as far as my custodial time.
That’s it, bye.

Like, I feel that if it was really Ms. Spears, it would sound more like this, all uttered to the backdrop of gum-chomping, of course:

Hi, y’all.  Muh name’s Brit and I called y’all earlier.  I’m calling agin ‘cuz I wanna make sure that when I ditch my daddy, he doesn’t take muh babies from me.  I just wanna know that it’ll all be okay and you guys will make sure that I git to see muh babies.  Y’all can reach me at Waffle House.  Uh, okay.  Bye, y’all