Suri, I don’t blame you.  I’m totally over your dad too!  Speaking of “dad”, may I take this opportunity to ask you to Google images of Katie Holmes’ ex, Chris Klein?  Oh, hell…just look in the gallery.

Tom, Suri and Katie wearing an ensemble that is sure to spark baby bump rumors, arriving yesterday in Japan as they continue their Valkyrie promo tour.

Chris Brown last December bitching about celebrity bloggers and letting it be known that he and Rihanna don’t fight.  Because, you know, he wouldn’t want to hear about it in the press.  He starts talking about Rihanna at 3:45.

If it’s possible, he sickens me even more.

Sounds like Hayden Panettiere needs a Midol-or a whole bottle.  Yesterday, when she arrived at a fundraiser supporting the Rehabilitation Hospital of the Pacific Foundation, she spent most of her red carpet time yelling at reporters.

When she first arrived, she screamed at the photogs to back up.  After posing for a few pictures, she was approached by a reporter who tapped her on the shoulder and asked, “May we talk with you Hayden?”  Pantyline responded by yelling, “Don’t you ever touch me!”  In the end, she refused to answer any questions and told various media, “You all make my life miserable.”

In some ways, I understand.  I don’t like anyone in my space unless I’m legally bound to them or they shared my body for nine months.  As a matter of fact, the next time my friends try to get all huggie kissie with me, I’m going to go all Hayden on them.  “Don’t you ever fucking touch me.  Who the hell do you think you are?  God…you make my life miserable.”  I’ll let you know how that goes over.

Personally, I think she’s cranky because she vowed to get one million signatures for the Save the Whales foundation by June, 2009 and so far, only has 90,000.  So please, go sign her fucking petition so Pantyline can calm the hell down.  God, I can’t wait until Heroes gets cancelled so everyone get down to the business of forgetting her.

Listen, it’s been a tough night here at Chez Bitch, so it’s entirely possible that my brain is not functioning properly today.  Come to think of it, even with a full twelve hours of sleep, I have never been accused of thinking like normal folk.  I’m serious, though.  I have no fucking idea what Drew Barrymore is talking about as she is interviewed in this month’s W.

“It’s like Cinderella fantasy,” the 34-year-old actress said of being a W cover model. “It’s like the cool kids club, too. I’m like a frickin’ paralysis dork victim! (points at her lip) I love pretending and I’m an old crazy woman and I love pretending that I love a sex life. (laughs)”

Mischa is back to blogging and this time, it’s to give us all the latest status on her relationship with Luke Pritchard.

I’m sure you guys are all going to hear about it soon enough so I just wanted to tell you what is real first — I broke up with Luke when I got to London. Things just didn’t feel quite right. There was no cheating or anything terrible, the bad just started to outweigh the good and a long distance relationship is never an easy thing to do.

I hope that the press will show some respect in the near future as we both find it very difficult to deal with a lot of attention or speculation from the media.  I think Luke is a great guy, but the type better suited as a friend. We have a surprising amount of mutual friends in England and I don’t regret our time together, I just couldn’t keep it going.

There is no bitterness between us…that I know of (sorry, I had to joke!).  If there ever is a case of two people staying friends I’m sure it will be the case with us — our personalities are very good for that.

I’m so glad she let us know what is going on…I’ve been wondering.  I don’t know how the mainstream media hasn’t swarmed down on this breaking story like a posse of locusts; why hasn’t there been a special report interruption breaking into my favorite television shows?  I love how she prates on about how difficult it is to deal with attention and speculation yet took to her blog to basically let us know that she broke up with her boyfriend because he was a lousy lay.  Her privacy is so important to her.

“Things just didn’t feel quite right,” divided by “I think Luke is a great guy, but the type better suited as a friend,” plus “I don’t regret our time together, I just couldn’t keep it going,” multiplied by “If there ever is a case of two people staying friends I’m sure it will be the case with us–our personalities are very good for that,” equals Missionary Minute Man Who Won’t Go Down.  I promise you that.

Beyonce was on the streets of New York this weekend filming a new video.  Incidentally, my favorite little glitterwurst looks a little dead in the eyes; corsets can do that to a woman.  It’s like her very soul is being extruded out of her via her hips.  For some unknown reason, that conjures up images of cheese in a can.

Anyway, caption this.